Accepting someone for who they are

I have been in a relationship for 7 months and I really want us to work. It is just that there are times that I don't feel that he loves me or is into the relationship or me as much as I am with him. People ask how do you know this and I say it seems by his actions. For example, one week I would text him happy messages to make him smile or wish him a happy day or tell him I am thinking of him and missing him (we can only see each other on Sundays due to his temporary busy work schedule). I would rarely get a text message back. And on top of that, if I don't text him and just leave it up to him, I don't hear anything for 5 days or so! I am like, "Dude, do you miss me or what?"

Of course, I have expressed my concern with this with him and he just says, "This is who I am. You have to accept me for who I am." I understand this, but over time it affects me. It eats at me. And my friends notice I am not happy. And I want to be happy with the relationship and make it work. I don't know what else to do.

I know how you feel...my boyfriend is like that to some extent. There are a few things I constantly remind myself of:

He has been hurt by other women in the past, so he has his own fears/issues he will need to overcome.

He is a man (a Virgo, no less...) and, like most men, finds it hard to open up and talk about his feelings/emotions, etc. It's not that they don't feel things - they just have a hard time expressing it!

He needs to take things a lot slower than I do - he is cautious. The more I try to push him to meet my expectations, the more he pulls away....

I know it's hard, but if you truly do believe that he loves you, and wants your relationship to continue moving forward, try to be patient, and let him come to you at his own pace.

Thank you Sesheta!

I remember now that in the beginning of the relationship he did admit to me that he does have a hard time expressing himself.

It's not that they don't feel things - they just have a hard time expressing it!

That is such a perfect quote. Thank you for this advice. I will definitely take your advice and let him come to me and be patient about it. Thanks!

Keep us posted! I know the patience part is extremely hard - still working on that myself, lol!

[froebellian]

All I can say from my experience when you 'try to make it work' in the early stages then it is not 'worth it' as you will 'try constantly' and thats not how it should be IMHO.

I tried to make a relationship work as you said and felt I ought to and after a year I had invested so much time into it- I kept trying to make it work for that fact even though it was a push pull situation.

I think he should also compromise to some extent if you already compromise. If he is in a relationship he should know how he used to act when he was single does not apply anymore.

Have you tried having a deep, sit-down conversation with him? Often times, "this is who I am" is a mental excuse to try to drive away from the relationship (not trying to worry you or anything). Maybe you should tell him that HE should also accept YOU and that YOU need to talk more often than he does.

It's difficult being in a relationship with a lone wolf :3 (I know, I am one, lol). Just discuss this and try to come up with a mutual compromise. Good luck, and bless you and your relationship!

Altair, I know this is hard to hear but it does'nt sound like he is into you. It sounds like he takes you for granted. If you can don't contact him at all and see if anything happens.

[SpiritCarrier]

Altair,

I can understand how you must feel. I was married to a man who was similar to that. I will tell you that if this is how things are now, it doesn't get better.

You should ask yourself a couple of key questions:
1. Can I live with this and how it makes me feel?
2. If we remain a couple, will this affect my happiness?
You said your friends could tell you are not happy. If that is the case, this early on in a relationship, what will things be like after a few years? Will it end up affecting your self esteem? Will it affect what you want out of a relationship? Is he willing to compromise at all?

It seems to me from what I read that you are willing to compromise because you realize he is not a person who talks a lot. There is nothing wrong with that. However is he willing to compromise in order to make sure you are reassured and happy. I mean that is what relationships are, compromise. One thing though, NEVER compromise anything that is really important to you. You are worth everything you need and want, don't compromise something that will make you feel bad later on. Don't compromise something that will make you feel like you had to settle, because you don't. Take some 'ME' time, don't ask friends, don't ask anyone for their advice because in the long run you are the one who has to live with the choice you will make. Be confident in yourself and what you know you need and want and don't accept anything less.

Peace and Light be yours,
SpiritCarrier

You have to fel yourself if this is a compatible relationship for you.