Should I forgive my bully?

[NeoclassicalGuitar]

Hello, there's this guy from my past, whom I went to school with for 10 years, from we were 6-16 years old. The last of those years, he started bullying me severely verbally. He told everyone bad things about me, degraded me. It got to the point where I couldn't sleep at night because of all the aggression that was stuck inside of me. Years have past, we're both 19 now and for years he has tried to establish contact with me, however, I tried to act douchy every time and rejected him, however, I still think of him almost every day(not in a negative way), maybe because he has been such a big part of my life through all these years. I don't know if I should forgive him, even though he left permanent negative inner scars on me, which will never be erased, and made me go to through hell at that time.

Have you ever been in my situation? What would you do? And what would be best for me to do?

[ocean breeze]

I wouldn't know what i would do, or what's best for someone else to do. I imagine encountering those who have hurt me and i can see a certain amount of fear or hurt from the past coming back. One thing i know is that to forgive, confront, or befriend those who have hurt you can feel like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. Allowing yourself to feel more free from past scars.

[symmetricalsnowflake11]

I think you need to research into what forgiveness is. It's not saying that it was ok what he did, it's moving on from what he did - and letting go of the negative feelings that he brought up in you during that time. Maybe once you've come to terms with it you can decide whether to speak to him or not. I don't believe you have to if you don't want to. You are perfectly capable of moving on from the trauma without having him in your life now. However, as this was years of bullying - I recommend talking to a professional about it. Also, the amount of time someone has spent in your life shouldn't matter that much - if they weren't someone who was supportive during those many years then why do they deserve your time now? But again that decision is entirely up to you. I think some people are worth letting back into your life and some aren't. I don't know what I would do, I think it differs with each situation depending on what they did or said.

[shoni7510]

Forgiveness is a personal choice and it is on a case by case basis. It is easy to forgive some people or deeds right away but some may take a long time to process and you need to allow yourself to heal as well. Not everybody can forgive a murderer right away like Jesus did on the cross, for most people it is a painfully long process that is required. You may indeed benefit from therapy as well.

[dream jo]

dnt no
sum pelel its bulld me i cnt fogiv coz of emsonl scarss thy lecev u it can
depd hw bad u wear bulld i wud say
evry nw agan i gt flash bacs off wot bullyss did 2 me so i dnt no
sorry

[iamthat]

You have a choice. You can hold on to your story of all the bad things that this guy did and said. Or you can let go of your story, forgive him and move on.

Holding on to your story will not make you happier. Letting go of your story will free you from the past.

I am curious about why this guy wants to make contact with you. Perhaps he now feels remorse about how he treated you and he wants to make it right.

Although I was never a bully, there were a few instances at school when I was unkind to those I perceived as weaker. That came from my own deep insecurities. Even now after all these years I sometimes reflect on those occasions and I feel ashamed, and I wish I could meet those people again and say that I am sorry. All I can do is try to forgive myself, recognising that at the time I did not know any better.

The person who benefits most from forgiveness is the person who forgives.

Peace.

[dream jo]

or try 2 avod him haz he cjnged dnt no do bullys chngs maybe juts be carful if u do foiv
sorry im if im sayin wong thngs
all i feal evy nw thn is e,son scrs 1s it no 1 can sea 1s its in sod us

Is your bully truly penitent?

Can he (or has he) shown it or made amends by act and deed? (Forget about words, they're useless until they can match the action).

You need to avoid any hint of telling the bully that his behaviour is now seen as acceptable - that would license him to continue it on you or someone else.

Words are easy and cheap. Look for action.

♥

[dream jo]

is
he tryn 2 shw remors or ospte juts be carfl 2 gud be trik agan
sorry
jut wz buled my slf
pele tell me bad thngs abt me wish i belvd still do nw agn i do still cums bac 2 bit me on hed it duz belvin im nothng thy it im sysh i am
wite dwn all bad thns ths bully did 2 u thng hrd befr u can fogiv

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by NeoclassicalGuitar

Hello, there's this guy from my past, whom I went to school with for 10 years, from we were 6-16 years old. The last of those years, he started bullying me severely verbally. He told everyone bad things about me, degraded me. It got to the point where I couldn't sleep at night because of all the aggression that was stuck inside of me. Years have past, we're both 19 now and for years he has tried to establish contact with me, however, I tried to act douchy every time and rejected him, however, I still think of him almost every day(not in a negative way), maybe because he has been such a big part of my life through all these years. I don't know if I should forgive him, even though he left permanent negative inner scars on me, which will never be erased, and made me go to through hell at that time.

Have you ever been in my situation? What would you do? And what would be best for me to do?

I find myself crossing paths with some bullies from my past. It wasn't as bad as what you endured but it was enough to upset my world and make me hide from them.

When people like this come back into your world it offers you a reflection to contact that part of yourself and look and see how you feel inside, what you might still hold in and down and what choices you have to move beyond this cycle of another using you as their means to elevate themselves and project their own pain through hurting another.

So just because they try to make contact doesn't mean you let them in physically, but you can end the war in you emotionally.

Actions speak louder than words. When your clear in you from previous situations that show someone took advantage of you in a not so nice way, clarity and healing in self, listens and will know how to move from there with certainty itself.

When I sat down next to my bully the other night, I sensed my energy and feelings and I felt clear in me. I went home very happy inside myself seeing that cycle more complete "IN ME" at peace.

People are sometimes just in passing to open us to let go, not necessarily to reconnect to them. They offer a reflection in their actions to move inside us. I wouldn't move anywhere until I knew I was clear in me and not end up the same way as before. So find peace in you.

You will then move in your actions more aware of him and not easily fed back into those old dramas you have knowledge about regarding him.