Open Minded but Staying Grounded

[eyesopen2020]

So my story is super long and I really try to keep it short. I don't know if I actually have a twin flame or if it really is the power of suggestion BUT I know it's "something".

I've been chit-chatting with this guy since 6/2017. I've actually known him for like 12 years but on a strictly work level as employee/employer relationship up until that point. I left the company, he reached out after that. (both of us were married, I'm currently separated) I'm 5 years older, now in my early-40s. He is still married. We can't seem to end it and have tried but we always seem to go back to chatting, although we have only met once and that was a few weeks ago (I'll get to that in a sec). The attraction is crazy (like achy in a pulling way) and has pretty much been that way since we started talking on that personal level - we are complete opposites, different ethnicities, backgrounds, education, interests, you name it. I am and have been completely intrigued by everything about him though and for some reason, he is the same with me and I'm a giant dork, lol. Problem is, he keeps ghosting and it has gotten even worse since I've been actually willing to meet him. It has been really bothering me especially since we've been doing this for like 3 1/2 years and it's all we've talked about. I don't know why it hasn't bothered me about the whole married thing - I would have never crossed that line but here I am, I can't explain it even though logically I know it really should.

Well about two months ago, I went to a psychic for completely unrelated reasons and really just for fun. After the guy completely blew my mind on other topics, I happen to mention my friend. As soon as he writes down his name, he excitedly tells me how much energy we have as we are entangled souls and he is not rejecting me, he's scared. We have a tunnel of energy, will always be connected and he needs it, always will. He needs me and my energy and he won't let it go. He will also be a threat to any of my future relationships. He described how we were at work (I didn't mention that at all), he knew this had been going on for years (I didn't say that either) and on and on. I was amazed. Hell - he even used the term "entangled souls" (which I know is what it's called) and we joked around about calling this getting entangled. I kind of took that for what it was and started reading a bit and that was it.

Well, I kinda kept this stuff under wraps and met my friend once a few weeks ago. When we hugged - that was all, just hugged, it was like I melted. This was the first time we saw each other in like 4 years. And when we kissed it was like our bodies were molded for each other - everything fit. It was perfect. It was really cold outside but I couldn't even tell. We were standing in the street and it was almost like I had to shake myself out of it to get us to stop before we got inappropriate or something. It was an experience I had never had before.

So now I've noticed the coincidences - my name means star, his means sun. His name is literally embedded in mine. I see it everywhere. Our bdays are 11 days apart and add up to 11. I see 11:11 all the time and on and on. I dream about him too....Even something as stupid as my favorite thing ever are stormtroopers - love them (told you, dork). I was going to trade my Jeep in for a white one with black trim and tinted windows just so I can look like one. Well I didn't even realize it but although he doesn't drive a Jeep, he drives a white car with black trim, and dark tinted windows. I know a lot of people do but still, just little coincidences like that.

So here is my dilemma. I ended up telling him a little bit about this and he didn't seem bothered by it all. He actually thought it was cool and didn't deny any of it either, not even the needing me part. I can tell something is bothering him though. Unfortunately he was a big "playa" before me. Now with me it's changed and I know he feels guilty. I want to respect this and leave him alone but we have private ig account just for us. Only he and I are on it. He checks it every day. There is only one reason why he would check it and that's to see if I messaged him. I have not up until today. Last night I had another dream about him and I was woken up by a voice in my ear saying "he needs you to reach out to him." I actually woke up to write it down as I've been trying to do that but what the heck? Am I making this stuff up??? What do I do? I did message him but in a stupid silly way and even ended it with "whatever you do, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS" just to make it light hearted. I don't know...I told him last week I assumed since he was checking he still wanted communication but I want to respect him and make it his decision. And I can't help but think that maybe this really is my TF and maybe I really am feeling what he is. There have been other really strange feelings coming out of nowhere, even sexually (I know, tmi) but it's there. I am not imagining these things.

What are your thoughts? Anyone experience this? Have I fabricated these "coincidences" just to add logic to my insanity?

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if humans were not "expected" to be monogamous for life, which only works out like 50% of the time in marriages, if we could have as many relationship as we wanted in any ways we wanted, but then human's are possessive and have jealousy, we get emotionally hurt easily, we are also dependent on each other in big and small ways, we build lives together which include financial and emotional security

we do incarnate thousands of times, and have many souls we are close to
one life they are a spouse and lover
another a very close friend
another perhaps a grandparent we are close to or our child

we are always trying different roles and relationships with those
in our soul group

but then yes, some we are very close to
like a soulmate or twin flame close

but then what did we set up before we were born?
what lessons did we want to learn or have?

there are more involved than the two

i fully believe those are not coincidences
it shows a deep connection and link

what that means for this lifetime i have no idea
we have free will and choice and make this life what we make it
up to us

in my experience, it seems sometimes we choose to be
linked to other souls we are not so close to
at least for this one life, to learn and grow and serve

[eyesopen2020]

I really wish I could just move on and never heard of this whole thing as it seems every decision I make with him is wrong. I mentioned that I texted earlier just to joke around and he then tells me that he wants to respond but sometimes I text too much. What? Like once a week and that has only been recently. I didn't respond to that at all and I noticed yesterday that he unfollowed me on our account. I almost replied but didn't and thought maybe it's time to let this go. When I unfollowed him back today, within 10 minutes he not only deleted our account completely, but deactivated his actual account. *And yes I made sure that I wasn't just blocked. I keep thinking that there is no way he was that upset because I unfollowed him but it was literally within minutes. Everything I do is wrong. I am just going to ride it out but I ache right now.

Honey, you have throughout put yourself under this married guy's shoe and now he stepped on you. it was going to happen sooner and later. It has nothing to do with you - and everything to do with him being married and not wanting to come clean. That is my take on it.

Also his wife may be on to him and he has either told some bull ... story or something else and he now has to answer to her, could be too he has given up his computer rights all to win her trust again?

Could be they have gotten too comfertable in their relationhip before and now near the wake up call they have re discovered each other and improved their relationship - meaning you're out, you're a threat.

Have you considered how he has felt about himself, after he had not just hugged you but your lips touching - you two kissing each other? - and then he go home to his wife and kiss her lips?

Have you not thought of her at all? Has she not been real to you? I think you have been too caught up with his attention on you, no? But she is real. She has been real all this time. And if it was just a question of friendship then he ought to have introduced you two to each other, no?

I don't understand how you have been able to cope for this long having such strong feelings for this guy knowing he is married? And accepting getting only so little in return? How is your self worth? You should value yourself more. This is serious. You have wasted over 3 years on communicating with this guy. That is 3 years you could have had with someone else, who was single and available to you and who could have given you everything. This guy does not even have the descensy to tell it to your face - but go and lock you out without explaination. Kind of a coward, don't you think? Not the best character for sure.

I hope I have not hurt your feelings. I hope you will find someone who will treat you right in the future.

[eyesopen2020]

Hi, no feelings hurt here. I was married too so I can't judge. Honestly, I happened to check the account the next day and saw that he was back on it(our private one, not his main one) and for whatever reason, I immediately felt better. He didn't message and neither did I, and right now I have no intention to. It made me realize that I was right. I do actually think he is struggling bc before me I'm pretty sure he was a player and that is what he was originally looking for. Both of us, honestly. Thats why he stopped it all those years ago because he "had more feelings for me than he did his wife." But of course he always came back.. They say TF have the same goals, I stayed with my h bc my family being together brought me more joy than he brought me pain. I wouldn't have found out about my h I wasn't chatting with my friend (long story). I think my friend has the same struggle and he too has worked really hard to accomplish what he has to just give it up.. Until someone goes through that they can't understand the internal pain because it is awful for everyone involved (in general). So up until me, it was always just a hook up. I'm different. Maybe his purpose for meeting me was to make him realize that he needs to cut out what he's doing and be faithful. All I "know" is that he doesn't want me to go away. I was giving him a lot of leniency because honestly I think the first almost 3 years I was the runner. I thought for sure that since i was looking for the physical he'd have no problem but its more than that and honestly my ego took a hit and I let my emotions get the best of me. I've have my own house to get in order so I'm just going to see how it plays out. I am still curious about it being an actual twin flame thing though but I guess things are always what you make it. Thank you for the feedback, if I do actually talk to him again I will make it well known that I am not about to be there for whenever he feels the need. Sorry but no....Im not about that.

Originally Posted by eyesopen2020

Hi, no feelings hurt here. I was married too so I can't judge. Honestly, I happened to check the account the next day and saw that he was back on it(our private one, not his main one) and for whatever reason, I immediately felt better. He didn't message and neither did I, and right now I have no intention to. It made me realize that I was right. I do actually think he is struggling bc before me I'm pretty sure he was a player and that is what he was originally looking for. Both of us, honestly. Thats why he stopped it all those years ago because he "had more feelings for me than he did his wife." But of course he always came back.. They say TF have the same goals, I stayed with my h bc my family being together brought me more joy than he brought me pain. I wouldn't have found out about my h I wasn't chatting with my friend (long story). I think my friend has the same struggle and he too has worked really hard to accomplish what he has to just give it up.. Until someone goes through that they can't understand the internal pain because it is awful for everyone involved (in general). So up until me, it was always just a hook up. I'm different. Maybe his purpose for meeting me was to make him realize that he needs to cut out what he's doing and be faithful. All I "know" is that he doesn't want me to go away. I was giving him a lot of leniency because honestly I think the first almost 3 years I was the runner. I thought for sure that since i was looking for the physical he'd have no problem but its more than that and honestly my ego took a hit and I let my emotions get the best of me. I've have my own house to get in order so I'm just going to see how it plays out. I am still curious about it being an actual twin flame thing though but I guess things are always what you make it. Thank you for the feedback, if I do actually talk to him again I will make it well known that I am not about to be there for whenever he feels the need. Sorry but no....Im not about that.

Hi, Good :) yes I fear he will play this game with you forever til you say just that, no thanks, no way to treat a twin flame or anyone else for that matter

[eyesopen2020]

I honestly think he is scared to cut me off completely. I was the same way when I was the runner. I had such strong feelings for him that I genuinely felt but could not bring myself to actually cheat but I couldn't tell him that. So I in essence strung him along while he tried to tell me how he felt. By the time I realized my husband was never going to change and finally left him, my friend had "moved on" in a way but never fully. We have traded places. I can respect that and have realized that now as I have gained more clarity the past couple of days. He knows I'm here and he knows I'm upset. He is upset too.