Friends grown up with families

[lostsoul13]

I was very fortunate as a young kid growing up to have a circle of friends- all of which have married and had kids ect

I resent bumped into one who was much older than me- but we have been talking lately but I said I was thankful for her letting me move in with her many moons ago and I was grateful for everything she done for me…

She asked me to be in her wedding like a bride maid ..

I sat at her table during the evening..

I was very lucky to be apart of everything..

I was very surprised she asked me to take part in the wedding..

She had two kids and I was running away and causing stress - when her baby was couple weeks old she had to come pick me up from the valley where I had run away too.. I just didn’t know who to turn to.. this was after I had moved school from being expelled.. for drugs.. weed..

I lost touch of my friends and went my own way bunkered of school for a year between my exams walked out on them- it was all to much..

Shame to say I was going through a lot.. but she was always there for me..

I was living with her when her son was just 1-till three around that age.. he’s just turned 16 now- and my have he changed!!

She had to see me in foster care and became a social worker her self!

Lots of changes since last seeing her I’ve developed schizophrenia…

I wanted to say it to her face all the wonderful things but I’m afraid I’d just stutter. And she means the world to me…

How can I make her understand with being respectful than just a message?

Maybe it’s enough- but I feel like she thinks I’m hiding…

Just I’m not who I use to be/ I’ve changed…

I use to be a good kid she use to look after and watch over she saw me grow up…

She can see I’ve failed.. I’m not in a hurry to try make things right because there’s so much pressure to stay healthy, keep on top of chores,volunteer and fit everything in so it’s at a standard!!?

I recently got in touch with my birth mother although intent and purpose- she was surprised to hear this..

Me and my mum are doing our best meeting every two weeks for coffee-

But we both suffer from schizophrenia so there’s a emotional block there..

I’m not afraid I missed out because she’s there when I need her.. vice versa..

——-

I’ve also been taking hormones and I’ve changed a lot because of this-

She doesn’t understand my transition with them.

When I said I’m disassociated with my self: that I’m a protector or angel to the self- that I was to vulnerable to live through reincarnation- I hinted with a few hidden messages- plain sight really, that in the next life we would find some difficulty remaining friends and that reincarnation takes away connections from you as we go onto the cycle..

She didn’t understand reincarnation.. it was over her head-

I know we all grow in own way and she’s watched me grow in my own way but I am focused on reincarnating and it’s apart of me: she didn’t want to accept that fate would bring us back together..

She’s closed of in knowing the possibility’s..

She thinks it’s crazy talk..

How can I make her understand.. ?

[Native spirit]

All you can do is be yourself if she thought a lot about you she will come to accept who you are.
be there for her like she was for you,


Namaste

[Traveler]

Sit down and write her a letter, the old fashioned way, with pen and paper. Tell her how grateful you are that you were there when you needed someone. Tell her how important she is to you. Let your thoughts and feelings flow on the paper.
It sounds like you have been through a lot in your childhood and you're still dealing with some really hard stuff. Please be gentle with yourself as you transition and learn to cope with your schizophrenia. Know that there are people here who are in your cheering stand and will send you positive vibes when you need them. Just ask.

Also, don't worry so much about her not understanding your transitioning or even reincarnation. If she has you in her heart, she wants only what is best for you and for you to be happy. Being transgender can be hard for even the most accepting of us to understand. It can be confusing and overwhelming for those who are just being asked by a loved one who is transitioning to accept the new them. Especially if the person who is transitioning has just recently done so as a young adult as opposed to making it clear when their little that 'they're in the wrong body'. If she loves you, she'll get there. And who knows, maybe along the way she'll have a spiritual awakening of her own.

I was touched reading your words Lostsoul13, how it has all been for you and her, I think she is part of your soul group and she has always loved you and she can see what a beautiful soul you are, this is why she has stood by you always and it speaks of what kind of soul she is too. She do not have to believe in reincarnation, I agree with Traveler, she has her own spiritual way to go, all in it's time. I think she already knows and already gets you, hormones or no hormones or what it now may be, but as you want to tell her then the above suggestions sound right to me too you do that and I think what ever it would be that you would say to her in person, you studded would also be something she would understand why then, that it is important to you, nothing wrong with that or getting shy or getting emotional, she will know. I for one love letters and I think that would be a beautiful gesture from you to her, as well :) Don't put pressure on yourself, I think what ever it is you feel like telling her it will be perfect just so, she'll get it.