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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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Old 16-11-2022, 04:55 PM
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Thank you. I understand what masking is these days and it was a relief once I did. It is good it is out on youtube among other places so thank you for the advice, Traveler,

I have had, not to boost myself but it is the truth, many times in my life a heads up of situations and people's behavior, stepping it up, to truly see their intention and what they are doing. I am not imagine these things out of jealousy or any other reasons for it. It is real. It is only how I react on it that can be because of this or that reason but it does not remove the fact that it has been real, it has happened.

Very true,this last time, he has given me no reason to doubt his fidelity.

Even as I consider that, I still think it is disrespectful of the woman doing what she was doing, clearly seeing me sitting opposite of him, the two of us trying to enjoy a meal and talking and him checking the cellphone to see what we were talking about would be possible to do in the future.

Looking is one thing, trying to get attention so bad even if he is non-responsive to it, to even move like she did into his area, taking photo of him - that I think is disrespectful. To him first of all. And to me. I do not think I have something to work on there.

I think the most decent thing to do if one wants to flirt with someone is doing step 1 and then maybe followed by step 2 but if there is no response, if it is not mutual, then step back, for Heaven's sake.

I think these women take the liberty to continue, despite, on to step 3 and so on... Trying to force their way in when the door is not open. I do not think that is respecting boundaries, his, or my own. this why I think he should react sooner, but at the same time does he even recognize it or am I the only one in the room detecting it so far? I know I am sensitive, good at reading signs, body language etc in people, and so there are times I suspect I am the only one perhaps seeing it that far, that it has to step up even more for others to maybe detect it? Should I wait for him to get it?

They do try to see where his boundaries are and as he is the way it is they can step it up without him having a negative reaction to it that he then shows them. I think that is the problem. If he don't see it, he can't react on it. Then even if he does recognize it, it is his personality as well, he don't want to collide with strangers and women on top of that, he accepts the situations for far too long then, according to my taste.

There has been an incident and I am happy I was not around then: That incident was a woman touching him more than once til he finally told her not to. In my opinion it should not have gone that far before he told her off. Afterwards he got scared I would find out, as he thought it looked bad, and I eventually did. I chose to believe he had not acted upon it, and that he did after all tell her - eventually - to give it a rest. He was afraid I would think he had done something.

I think it is disrespectful to physically touch another man or woman with a romantic agenda, when he or she has not at all given you the indication that it is alright to do so. I have seen women do that to him. Perhaps it is more difficult for a guy to say don't touch me or what ever, as I think in our culture it has been more built up that the men will be the ones first hitting on the woman and when doing so there are rules to follow.

Usually men are physically superior to the women in strength so it may not be found as threatening then?

I have thought and If I had a jealousy issue about this I would then imagine all women were after him (from previous experience when I was jealous) and I do not think they are. I think they have their own types, their own loves etc. I can see and I know some women just see him in a friendly, but not romantic manner.

In the past after something had happened between us (this was years back now when that happened) thus I had this awful period when I was jealous, but we worked it out and it passed. I had before then not felt jealousy like that and as it happened, I know we were out then too somewhere and I saw all these women, all of them, not just one or two, but all of them as a threat, even if I have to say that I can not remember a single one of them flirting with him or him them. In my head I knew back then that I had a serious problem, and that this problem was mine and I had to sort myself out if we were to continue. I had this strong urge to want to control him if we were to continue and I knew that was my bad and I did not want to go there. He offered me to control him and explained he did so because he wanted me to trust him again and he wanted to continue our relationship. He would even prepare it so that I could very easily or make it a routine to control him and I told him no. That was not the way to go. That now I had a problem because of what had happened before.

I have also thought given the issues we're having at the current moment that if it is me who interpret these situations in a more irritating way than I would have otherwise. I am sure that I am possibly more irritated by it but never the less it is still going on, it is still real and I know I would not like it regardless.

So me thinking that way then I am just going to sit there and take it then, and think it is because I am jealous? I'm the one with the problem? I think she or women behaving like that is, are the one with the problem, though.

I have thought about if I should signal to him in some way that only he and I know off, and then have it up to him how he will react. Then again I think I know how he will react. He will most likely get a stomach ache, if nothing else, and he does not want to get attention to us, and he does not want to create a scene. I don't either. Sigh. And I don't want him to feel pressured to say, do something just because of me being there, when his boundaries for this stuff is more tolerant than mine is.

I guess that is also what irritates me, that these women use that. They use that they can do this and get away with it. And they do get away with it. And then I, we are being left with it.

I think he runs this his own avoidant style, and this has worked well for him so far, but then there is me there, again, with him. So again it is a matter of not just himself being in a situation, like before when he was masking, but he is there with me.

I know that I am very fortunate with the way he has behaved in other ways, can't complain.

I do not believe he want me jealous, or sad or hurt or me feeling inferior in any way by this.

Last edited by asearcher : 16-11-2022 at 11:36 PM.
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Old 17-11-2022, 06:12 AM
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Just want to add that I do not think it is so easy for him. He is terrible with recognizing faces and so when approached he will often ask me who it is and do we know that someone, if I know something. If it is someone he knows he do not want to come off as unfriendly. (and then the circus begins)
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Old 19-11-2022, 06:19 PM
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Today a new woman was again noticing my husband that way but only looked. I didn't mind. At the time I stood with somewhat distance from him. He must have seen it. He took his arm, hand over my shoulder. So that he noticed. He did not say anything about it, later. Neither did I. I am quite used to it by now.

I have never said anything about all these things I see because I do not want to come off as jealous.

I have thought of another thing. Most couples or so I am thinking they are?? have the same, similar style, image. So maybe he and I because of our different styles stand apart somewhat and so they do not think we are a couple?? Plus I know that I think in more practical terms and perhaps come across more of a friend, a co parent than his wife when out and doing errands. Because he use to be so rigid before about not showing physical tenderness I know I turned myself off when out.

Some women that I see looking and/or taking it to the next level and then some more - they kind of look like him in style etc, only the female versions of it. I don't. He and I are different types. Perhaps this is why they don't think we are a couple??

I do wonder if there are the same rules now that women are to my experience stepping it up between males and females. I for one think men in general know how to play this more gracefully than of those females I have seen stepping it up.

All and all - I have thought even if females will take it too far that as long as he do not flirt back than that should be well enough for me. That is after all the most important thing.
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