Home
Donate!
Articles
CHAT!
Shop
|
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.
We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.
|
27-05-2022, 12:18 PM
|
Master
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,514
|
|
|
|
Starting this thread made me realise that I need to do the opposite of everything ive always done.
I've been in 3 abusive (romantic) relationships in my life and I have never known a healthy relationship.
If anything, people who want to love me, need to work to prove that they will treat me with respect and kindness.
I need to think less about how I cam adapt myself in a relationship and take more notice of how others are treating me over time.
Conscious relating for me is to be more realistic of how other people are treating me.
|
27-05-2022, 02:05 PM
|
Master
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,062
|
|
|
|
|
Yep, and also working on healthy boundaries so you can and will say 'no' (which is 'yes' to yourself).
Training yourself to notice **** behaviour. For me it often still is after the fact but I am beginning to notice it sooner now and also correct the matter if I feel it's necessary.
Learning to communicate in a healthy, calm fashion comes with this all. Throwing a wobbler isn't good.
There's plenty of stuff online on creating good self-esteem and self-worth, also books.
I found out my self talk wasn't particularly great, even though I always thought it was funny & sarcastic. It is still knocking yourself.
Getting good treatment from others begins with treating yourself well. Often people with this pattern demand too much of themselves without even realising it. So in that sense it's good to check expectations and things against what you'd advise your best friend. Often it then becomes clear that your standards for another like a friend are far nicer, more loving, gentler, whereas you demand almost perfection of yourself.
Often control is a thing too as when you have/take control you know the outcome and what you're going to get. So gently learning to let go of the reigns is also a point. That way you make space for others to approach you and offer you their care and love.
It is a learning curve. And of course that begins with looking at when and how you began developing this sense of 'I'm not worthy/deserving/good etc.", usually in childhood.
|
29-05-2022, 11:03 PM
|
Master
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,514
|
|
|
|
Funny that you mention humour, my sense of humour is changing as I develop confidence.
I'd not like it if someone spoke to me the way which I speak to myself sometimes and yet i let it slide.
I'm going to the library today, I'll look for books in the topic of building confidence. Every now and then I think about hiring a mentor.
I've had a really poor sense of myself for a long time due to enmeshment trauma.
I'm slowly getting to know myself better over time, through awareness of my likes and dislikes.
Sometimes when I am relating with other people, it feels like things happen so fast and it can override my sense of knowing myself in that moment, creating a blur of myself and its only the interaction that I realise I felt uncomfortable.
I've been very good at making other people feel comfortable in the past so in theory, I could apply those skills to myself.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 12:29 PM.
|