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Relationship with higher self is complicated
Although I've been spending a lot of time healing, learning how to be my own best friend, using a lot of creative expression, and listening to my higher self, I'm still so confused. My dreams keep telling me I'm not doing enough self expression and that I'm repressing old feelings. I've been having trouble falling asleep, and I daydream nonstop, even when I tell myself, "No. Stay in the moment." Every so often, my mind wanders back to a past event out of the blue, and I think, "oh god that was mortifying - why did I just remember that? What's done is done - move on." I thought I made peace with regret and whatever resentments I held against myself, but my subconscious keeps dragging me back to the same issues and I keep fighting, keep telling myself there's no need to go back there.
I got a really dreadful feeling today that there's an old emotion that does need to be confronted and pulled to the surface - I'm just drawing a complete blank as to what it is. It's like when you're trying to remember a dream, and at first, you can only remember it in bits and pieces - feelings and overall tone. The tone is totally unsettling for me, but I have no idea what it could possibly be. What could I have possibly repressed that was so bad that I've forgotten? My subconscious or my higher self wants me to acknowledge it, but it's gone - probably a lost childhood memory. I didn't have a bad childhood, but I don't remember practically anything before the age of 11.
Advice would be greatly appreciated. I need to move past this.
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