Really struggling with the message...

#1 09-11-2011, 02:36 PM

For years now I have been aware that if I "have a strop" about something it almost always bites me on the bum. So, I understand that I need to be measured with standing up for myself. Do it calmly and reasonably... which I did yesterday... and it has still come to bite me on the bum.

Do any of the LW here find that they are not supposed to stand up for themselves? I stood up for myself yesterday morning very calmly and reasonably and the outcome still left me looking the bad guy and possibly in trouble with my boss.

I am trying so hard to find the line between doormat and stroppy but it seems the guys upstairs just want me to be a doormat

BlueSky · #2 09-11-2011, 02:43 PM

What happened? (If you don't mind me asking)

What does LW mean?

James

Zagacat · #3 09-11-2011, 02:56 PM

Perhaps it is not so much of a "doormat" but there is some sort of lesson that you are supposed to learn if you find that you are feeling this way and don't care for it, multiple times throughout your experience.

At least, that is what I am learning in my life right now. As I look back, I found it odd how I just kept feeling a certain way at certain times and I wasn't happy with it. Then I started seeing the pattern. I am still not out of the pattern, but since I am going through a similar situation, I can see the makeup of the pattern and try to conquer it once and for all. :)

#4 09-11-2011, 03:02 PM

LW - Lightworker...

I was asked on monday to top up the mobile broadband dongle in preparation for a meeting that I wasn't going to. The dongle hasn't been used in 18 months and then I only used it once, so I had no idea how to do it so would be winging it. I was drowning under my own work and didn't really understand why I was asked to do it when someone else was going to the meeting.

When it's topped up it only lasts 24 hours so it couldn't be done until late tuesday as the meeting wasn't until 2pm today.

On monday I looked online how to do it and it said just plug it into the laptop and it will take it from there. It looked fairly simple. Because I was drowning I asked the lady who was going to the meeting if she could do it. Said she would do it this morning as it was crazy doing it any earlier if it didn't last 24 hours. (This is the bit where I felt I calmly stood up for myself)

Well, she left it till the last minute, the software took an age to install and then we found out that the dongle had expired because it hadn't been used. I tried to install software so they could take my own mobile with them but because it was so slow I couldn't complete it before theyn had to leave... so when they left I had no idea whether I had just caused them to look stupid in the meeting because I didn't do what I was asked when I was asked to do it.

I wasn't nasty to anyone. Yes there was an essence of "why am I doing this when I'm not going to the meeting?" but I didn't say this to anyone I just said that I was drowining and asked for help.

It turns out that the place where the meeting was had wireless and they were able to do the meeting fine... but I may be in trouble with the boss now.

I get the impression i should have just taken on the stress and not stood up for myself. This sort of thing happens all the time to me :o(

BlueSky · #5 09-11-2011, 03:12 PM

I'm sorry.......I didn't notice that this was in the LW section.
But as an unbiased observer, may I ask why you would associate what seems to be a normal problem people have with bosses and work and schedules and such, with being a LW.

I mean why ask: Do any of the LW here find that they are not supposed to stand up for themselves?

Could there be something in this that is causing you to see what happened in a filtered kind of way?
I don't see the connection.

James

#6 09-11-2011, 03:16 PM

because, as I think I mentioned in my OP, I find that when I stand up for myself I get bitten on the bum..... there is a pattern here that I can see going through many years of my life. I am trying to find the line where I can stand up myself and actually succeed.

The reason I put this in the LW section because I was interested in hearing if other LW's had found the same thing..

BlueSky · #7 09-11-2011, 03:34 PM

If you are true to yourself, there are no guarantees as to how things will turn out and sometimes things that happen, like getting bitten on the bum for doing what you thought was right, happen because some people are just uncaring, amongst other things. Sometimes it is because you messed up and made the wrong choice.
Why do you think it is more than that.......a pattern?
James

#8 09-11-2011, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sungirl

because, as I think I mentioned in my OP, I find that when I stand up for myself I get bitten on the bum..... there is a pattern here that I can see going through many years of my life. I am trying to find the line where I can stand up myself and actually succeed.

The reason I put this in the LW section because I was interested in hearing if other LW's had found the same thing..

So many times I have done what other people have done and found that they have got away with it and I get it wrong. Leaving a note on someone's car because they appear to be someone who shouldn't be parking there, turns out to be someone with a new car... whenas someone else could do much worse with no repercussions.

Getting angry about an apparent lack of communication and I find that I missed a note that someone left, when other people rant and rave about lesser things.

Yes, there does feel to be a pattern here.

BlueSky · #9 09-11-2011, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sungirl

So many times I have done what other people have done and found that they have got away with it and I get it wrong. Leaving a note on someone's car because they appear to be someone who shouldn't be parking there, turns out to be someone with a new car... whenas someone else could do much worse with no repercussions.

Getting angry about an apparent lack of communication and I find that I missed a note that someone left, when other people rant and rave about lesser things.

Yes, there does feel to be a pattern here.

I'm just trying to understand. I hope I have not made you angry. It's just I need to fully understand someone in order to have a good conversation. It is my way of trying to help someone. If I can fully understand, then I can relate from my own life and if that helps...awesome.
I still am confused about the example you gave above about the new car but I'll drop it.
I wish you all the best.....

#10 09-11-2011, 04:15 PM

I'm sorry. See, there i go getting it wrong again. I didn't mean to upset you. Use this as an example of what I am saying. I had said twice that I saw a pattern, you ask me if there is a pattern so I quote myself and upset you. What I should have done is just say "yes, there is a pattern".

Maybe I need anger management.......

I'm in a bad place today because of the above issue... although it turns out the computer has worked fine I am still aware that I have possibly failed in my boss's eyes. He is very good at making me feel rubbish and I messed up a few weeks ago and he had to "have words" with me, and really shook my confidence in myself. I am working towards getting some qualifications so I can get out of this place, but in the meantime i am treading on eggshells all the time, this was the last thing I needed.

I guess I didn't really want to go into my whole life story. I understand that someone on the outside may see something I have missed and be able to give a different perspective.

Just having a pity party here and dragging everyone in with me :(