Artist not Novelist

Hi,

All my life, I have done drawings and now digital art - both at home, at school and when free from doing architecture. In the last 5 years, I started story writing - and I was never as talented in writing as in art. I have now relinquished story writing altogether, which means deleting all the written works from computer and external hard drive.

Whenever I do art, my brain or heart never hurt. Even when I do not think about what artworks I have created and go far away, it never hurts. Story writing has hurt many times slowly and built up stress and anxiety for no reason. I have deleted all the files many times at intervals of 6 months, but was always tempted to recreate the files, of almost exact wording and format. Each time I was story writing, it was always about my imaginary, spiritual kingdom which I call by some name. It is about this kingdom, and its esoteric knights and adventurers who descend from the heaven to deal with humanitarian and spiritual injustices. This story writing is very important to me, and has been a way of self expression - exploring who I am, my spiritual values and imagination that I consider part of my growing consciousness and 'true' inner reality.

The sad thing is, whenever I recreate the written works, which include several of my artworks (artworks, including scans of hand-drawings are safely kept on the computer), mental stress comes back, and I suffer and perform less well in my architectural studies and career. The only difference I can sense is that if I write on paper with pen and craft a book using simple materials, it may not hurt at all. Maybe, the computer is giving me problems when it comes to story writing but not art.

I want to maximise my spiritual gratification by minimising mental stress. This is possible by not doing story writing at all, even if it is about my spiritual kingdom, whilst continuing to do art. I wonder if in the after life I will realise my inner imagination and reality, of which I have story-written. I wonder if my imagination is part of reality and therefore one can safely say that I will never miss it out or waste it if not put into written stories at all. I am in an artistic dilemma!

In one theory why I experience mental pain and stress after story writing, it is probably the thoughts and imagination that I capture in story writing - thoughts which are actually suffering being ensnared and imprisoned in the form of art and stories on the computer. Does anyone think so?

Can anyone explain what are the possible theories why I experience mental and emotional difficulties after story writing, but not art - and what alternatives can I do to ensure and bring my imagination into action, such as illustrated stories, animation, art, etc.? Can you provide interesting perspectives and examples of artists and novelists (those who are spiritual), who suffer from similar experiences?

Thank you

[Albalida]

Not spiritual, but fantasy author Gail Carson Levine wrote a book called Writing Magic where she describes her process with creativity in general. She started out as an illustrator for children's books, and then realized that she hated her illustration job and loved the parts where she was also required to write about the drawings. So, it was art that hurt her, and writing that freed her.

To her, it was because she already knew The Rules of illustration, and because of this she would judge herself. "You can't draw. You stink at this," etc. etc... and forget music. Her father had told her "Women can't sing" his personal preference and opinion, but it affected her so she would never dream of pursuing that.

I really recommend getting her book. It's obviously written for very young people, (so it's cheap!) but there's a lot of very good information in there, and Gail Carson Levine writes with with a lot of heart. Even though I'm not "over the moon" about her books. I love her personality, and as a writing teacher she is very helpful.

It can be different for everyone. I had writer's block because I had no organization skills. Learning how to think of a story from a bird's eye perspective, and not word-by-word-by-line-by-line...that's what helped me to complete stories. But for some people, if they thought about The Rules of writing like this, then they would get writer's block. It's different for everyone.

Have you tried introducing a character into your imaginary world who suffers from a very similar situation. As for example, what if one of the knights in your story can't seem to get to grips with riding a horse and using a lance at the same time!
Maybe not a great example, but if it is character that drives a story, could it be a character inhabiting your imaginary world that is the source of your stress?

Tolkien had Gollum. Stephen R Donaldson had Thomas Covenant. T H White had Wart. To name a few.

t.

I could be suffering from Writer's Block. According to Wikipedia and many articles, it is about being stuck in writing.

My situation may be specific. What I am exactly suffering is that after story writing for a while, when I go away, I experience mental stress and pain. These pains last forever. I don't get pain whilst writing, and when I delete the files altogether, I feel suddenly relieved.

It is possible that my imagination affects my health in the same way as real events do. When I write stories about that kingdom, I think about large numbers of people that include knights, adventurers, people who live and meet on interplanetary exchange programs, and spirits. I also include illustrations and artworks that show castles in the heaven, temples and archives. Maybe, it is because I think about enemies that include not only dark forces, evil spirits and religious atrocious people but also issues of lies, existentialistic injustice, questions/origins of humanity and religious fallacies. Maybe, it is that this kingdom's capital lies in harsh deserts, and most of the knights venture and fight in barren landscapes.

However, one day, I experimented with the font colour and changed it to default black after using navy blue for years - I felt far more relieved whilst away from story writing activity. Maybe, the way I characterise this kingdom with the ethos of humanitarian justice, truthfulness, wealth, art of war and hardship, is the source of my headache and stress. Maybe, preoccupation with deep navy blue atmosphere around this kingdom, and the deep, cool tone in which I would like to write stories are the causes. For other stories, I would write in an informal language, so formal, exquisite writing for a distinctive novel of spiritual kingdom gives me headaches. It could be the idea that knights wear heavy armours, and people of this kingdom, including the king, are very enduring, courageous, judicious and hardworking.

Yesterday, I recreated the files completely. This time onwards, I am going to develop a good habit which I used to until 8 years ago - praying to God. This time, praying to God that I must overcome the pains and stresses and blah blah has probably helped, but continuing to do prayers should help in the long term.

[pluralone]

Azurisan, have you considered working cooperatively with another writer? Someone who could strengthen your prose where it's weak..?

Maybe even a ghostwriter? (And, heyyyyy ... umm ... that's what I'm good at, in case you'd like to explore that possibility further.)

Originally Posted by pluralone

Azurisan, have you considered working cooperatively with another writer? Someone who could strengthen your prose where it's weak..?

Oddly enough, this was the first thing that came to mind reading your thread starter. At the time, I couldn't fathom why!

On reading further, I get the impression you delete your stories without anyone else having read them.
Do you allow others to read your stories before deletion?

After all, storytelling is an ancient tradition that depends on a willing audience to hear (and of course to read) your stories.

There is a Quotes & Stories page on the Forum