Dealing with criticisms and negative opinions from family

Hi, think it is good you distance yourself from their ignorance and lack of self-awareness, you are moving on a higher level. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You could fight them in the mud but only do so if and when you feel like it, I've had to deal with a narc parent in law and I project back because that is the only language the narc parent speaks. It is at that level. But one can do lots of other things too, what feels right for you.

The ones that are doing this to you are not in a good place within themselves. They are in a worse place than where you are in. They are only wanting to drag you down to their level.

People who put other people down do so because they in reality feel inferior and/or not in control of a situation, they are afraid. Only they may not even know they are or do their best to cover that up by being tough, cocky, bullies etc. They don't have the stability of a good self esteem, but can come off as if they have a good self confidence.

Your parents have built this system and should be held responsible for that. At any time before they could have separately or together done inner work to not create or enable this atmosphere to take shape, now your family's culture. Could be they came from the exact same circumstances as the one you have grown up in and therefor find it normal and don't know how to operate differently.

Do not care what they think of you. You find your people. Adopt them kinda as your brothers and sisters. That will make you less vulnerable. You find the people who are at the level you are at and you will feel more shielded, protected, not so much energy going your family way and you will feel more and more like you don't care, you can feel sorry for them, but this is their choice of evolution. One can not change another person. You can set boundaries and I think that is one thing that is messed up in your family, the boundaries have been moved, they are not set at a stable line where it ought to be. You always have the right to reset your boundaries. For your own well being you should do that.

I think this: If a family, and the parents are the one responsible, again, for this culture, have created this atmosphere and they have created a family who do not dare to be vulnerable, to be close, to have intimacy (not speaking of the sexual version of it naturally) than they can lie in this, but you don't have to. This is not family. Family should be that you dare to be vulnerable and they will protect you and understand you. Not that tough atmosphere. They can brag about their kids and you may perceive it as they are proud and not putting them down but I don't even want to think about what happens behind closed doors, the demands they have on them, the culture they want to breath in them. Not good for the kids. You have already moved along, already evolved.

Just the example you demonstrated that they try to STILL today pin you down for how THEY perceived how you were in your 20s show me that they have no interest but to put you in your place so they can feel better about themselves. Those "messed up" 20s could have been the time when you did most of your inner work to get you to your now 30's and someone evolved would see that, without words and see where you are at today. They would cheer you on.

Outside of this family-culture they will meet upon resistance because other people who are at your level - they will not be impressed.

Your parents came from somewhere where this all was and instead of getting rid of it they made it part of their own family. Well that is on them. Not you. That you have siblings who are adult now and behave like that says to me that no, they are not so adult. They have stagnated somewhere on their way.

You are meant for bigger things and bigger people. You have to come to a place within yourself where you just don't care what they think of you. When you are done. Then you can still have limited relationship with them, sure, but they will know their new place (my narc parent knows, just to use an example). If people place you down and give you low status and want to keep you there you are rightfully reacting, your whole system is, to their toxic. I repeat THEIR toxic.

As long as you have a conscious or subconscious vulnerability they will use that to get to you. Once you realize what that vulnerability is, what door you have open that should be closed, they can't get to you no more. This is for your own survival, well being, they always have to find a bridge but they can only built half a bridge and they see that vulnerability (subconscious or consciously) and so then you have accidentally built your half side of the bridge and then they are trying to pass over, don't let the enemies cross that bridge. Only way you can do that is that you don't built yours. Yours can be fear, just to use an example. If you don't built yours they can built theirs for all they care, but they can not cross.

As sad as it is some people want to see if they can get an emotional reaction from you, from example bullying you, just because when you give them emotional reaction they will then feel important. They are trying to ride on you to feel important. It will not matter if good or bad reaction, as long as there is a reaction. When you are then indifferent, what are they gonna do then? that they are trying to use negative ways to get a negative reaction from you stems to that they are just living in the mud, having it inside them. You can just wipe it off on your coat, you don't have it inside of you.

They were all meant to be in the mud, btw, I think, and when and if they are ready they will arise but they have to do the inner work and if and when they have done so - they will seek you out because they will feel sorry for how they have acted. But til then, may be for all your life, you keep them outside your wall, keep you boundaries.

Please take good care :)

PS I've made some changes, edited above, think this is my third version or something hi hi

Here is a video I like "How to Deal with Difficult Family Members" from the Daily Positive, perhaps this could be of any help to you?

Blessings :)

I've found another one that I thought was really good too and that could help you, here it is How to deal with your toxic relatives by Mel Robbins

To not look at it as "a personal challenge but a personal transformation" she says

1. Don't assume your old role
2. Don't take the bait
3. Be a pedestrian, not a passenger
4. Empathy is your superpower

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Have you read about Narcississts and gaslighting?

[saurab]

You dont need to protect yourself from negative energy. You just need to protect your own mind from negative thoughts and your heart from negative emotions and feelings.

What is the big deal in getting a little negative energy become attached to your aura by coming into contact with abusive people ? The much bigger deal is in forgiving them (not because that will create the necessary separation because unforgiveness binds you to them) but because forgiveness is RIGHT. and this attitude will generate positive energy much stronger than any negative energy coming from any abuser in the world.