Soulmate partner and triggers

Yes you certainly have! :)

As for me I think I am easily triggered because I am constantly on, that is we still have contact with my husband's narc etc even as he is limiting the access now to protect our family and our relationship.

It is a huge trigger for me too because it is as if the door is still open only not just as much and I want it closed and I want closure. And unlike dealing with a problem with a normal person one can not have closure with a narc, it is just on and on, different phases.

When I think back there are so many triggers from my own past, my parents split up, and then when I was creating my own family I was again subjected to rejection, dominance.

And too I think my husband has symbolized the friends I had around me when I was in a relationship with a psychopath. Manipulated. Does not see the truth for what it is (because it is too ugly).

And me having the most precious thing in my life that I wish to protect as a mom.

I know I felt at times as if I could not trespass my husband. That I could only be as strong as he was, and he was not strong enough. That if it was up to me I would handle it differently. I would for sure cut off all contact. I would be honest and tell them why. I would have had enough.

This is still a trigger for me. I have days when I can handle it better and days when I don't.

I think too because of my background, again my parents, I developed early on that I was independent, that I can only at the end of the day count on myself. For me to even be married was a big step. I don't want to feel trapped in my situation because then I know I will just hit and run.

My husband is the one doing better and better now.

I was only recent time told he has canceled some stuff with his parents. He says too he can't relax for second with his parents around because he never knows then the narc is going to try something.

I don't think there will be a final cut, but I do know from their descriptions that we are not the only family that has done no contact with these people. Still of course they have other stories for this. Still it is as if they are this superior, perfect family and not their fault there has been no contact. I don't know the other side for the no contact but I do have to say it is surprisingly many people that has gone no contact with this family, and leave it at that.

It is the entire non ability or no use of the right communication that also drives me nuts. That nobody can just say it like it is. I really have to hold back. Everyone's pretending. Everything also has to be on the surface/superficial topics all the time because if you say something the narc can use against you you're done.

Today it is as if everything has start a new, but I can't relax. Now they are so polite, both parents. It is as if the movie starts all over again.

I never know if I am going to be hit from the side or the back. I have lived like that when I was the psychopaths girlfriend/fiance. I promised myself not to live that way again. And here I am. Back in the old shoes again that I just want to kick off of me.