What can you pick up on her behaviour

[Guff779]

I'm going to ask you for your insights in this situation with my sister

My one year younger than me at 32 who has emotionally abused me for a long long time

Between 2005-2012 she didn't wish to talk to me and spoke to me angry

She also at spoke to me angry at times after that after I asked her a question like an angry dog

So many times she put me down

Twists and Distorts things

Very manipulative

I asked her for camera shots from a WhatsApp group and I was entitled like others but she kept saying why

She said 'whatever' she says I'm going USA to cause trouble which is ridiculous

She tells anyone any info about me

She is untrustworthy

She has for a long long time put me down

She won't respect my wishes

She bossed me and my father about Saturdays saying put this away and this, that

At an important time She will keep quiet when I badly need her support even if I provided proof to her she will keep quiet

I can't defend myself to her because she will twist things, its like arguing with Hitler

She has everything in her marketing degree, marketing career albeit still junior level I think after 10 years, social life, holidays, car, family life she had everything Her friends 1-2 may resent me

She doesn't wish to listen which is her lack of respect

She most likely tells anything and says nothing if another person has happened

She will manipulate things and I sense she is controlling
I've been bullied and emotionally abused and she lacks sympathy

She is very untrustworthy and says nothing to me and says anything what others want to know passing free info

She obviously lacks respect.

Its emotional abuse too

It does hurt, her lack of respect, she probably doesn't tell the truth to others and they'll say things, its all most likely down to her lack of respect, shes very untrustworthy too

She should just stop giving info freely and respect her own family

And she doesn't ever recipricate any info to me

She says regarding the cousin behaviour bullying for years why don't I bring it up with him or talk it with him

She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't support me, she doesn't reciprocate nothing

[innerlight]

People are on their own journeys and paths, and those paths, sometimes, are just not conducive to us, or our wellbeing. And all we can do is send them love, and compassion. And wish them well. Obviously in the case of your sister, you may not be able to fully cut her out of your life. All you can do, is protect your own energy, and sanity.

Most of the things, like you described about your sister, are learned patterns and behaviors, and she is repeating the cycles. Generally, those types of patterns come from parents. Or even aunt's/uncles or grandparents who passed it down to their kids, and so on. Other times, it comes from abuse in relationships. Most times, not all the time mind you, those who become abusive have been abused, and that's all they know. Understanding this, can help shed light onto them and bring them compassion and understanding. That doesn't mean you have to allow them to continue to harm or hurt you emotionally. Your power is your own, you do not need to keep giving it away.

Not everyone will change, or heal, or have a desire to do either. They may not reach that level of understanding in this life. And may do it in the next life, or next realm of existence. All we can do, is heal ourselves, and radiate out that light/healing to inspire others to do the same within them.

[Redchic12]

I notice the heading of your subject is “what can you pick up on her behaviour”

Maybe it should be “what can you pick up on MY behaviour”

I do not mean to be offensive cos i have done exactly the same with an ex many many years ago.

The reason she is doing all this to you is because YOU ARE LETTING HER.

WHY are you letting her?

Talk it over with a therapist and focus on yourself and not her. You cannot change others but you can change yourself and funny enough when you do that, the other person starts to change as well.

So sorry if this sounds harsh, but someone once said this to me and believe me it was the best thing that happened to me.

quote Wayne Dyer

People treat you the way you teach them to.

Come on gal take your power back, it’s time for you to soar!!!

[Lucky 1]

Originally Posted by Redchic12

The reason she is doing all this to you is because YOU ARE LETTING HER.

WHY are you letting her?

People treat you the way you teach them to.

Come on gal take your power back, it’s time for you to soar!!!

I absolutely agree....She is allowing this behavior.

Time to (figuratively ) grow a pair and stop putting up with it!

[iamthat]

Ah, Guff779, if you want your sister to behave differently then you will probably be disappointed. She is how she is.

As has been pointed out before, all you can do is change yourself. Changing your own behaviour is within your control, changing your sister's behaviour is outside your control.

When you change then other people will treat you differently. If you are not willing to change then why expect anyone else to change to accommodate you?

It is up to you what you do.

(Incidentally, from previous posts I always assumed that Guff779 is male.)

Peace

[Guff779]

Thank you guys for your insights and yes I am male

[Lucky 1]

Originally Posted by Guff779

Thank you guys for your insights and yes I am male

Yeah....I missed that....sorry!

[Blue Tiger]

From what you have written, it sounds like your sister simply does not like you, perhaps resents you. Why? Who knows. She won't change, because she doesn't feel like she's wrong to behave this way.

The better question is why do you care so much? Wish her well and cut off contact with her (as much as possible). Don't make yourself vulnerable by wanting her respect. Just write her off as impossible to deal with and build yourself a wonderful life, on your own terms. She might shift her behavior once she sees that she isn't able to hurt/manipulate you anymore. Or she'll remain the same spiteful, bitter person she already is. Either way you will have begun to live the life you want and deserve, without her approval or opinion.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Guff779

Thank you guys for your insights and yes I am male

And maybe you are a very sensitive male, which is why your sister's behaviour affects you so deeply.

Your sister does sound rather abrasive. Perhaps this is just a lack of awareness on her part. Or perhaps she has developed this character as her defence against whatever she has had to deal with.

So maybe all you can do is find a firm centre within yourself where you can be comfortable in yourself, setting clear boundaries as to what you will or will not put up with. If you can find such a centre within then nothing your sister says or does can touch you.

I am reminded of the symbol for water in the I Ching. Three horizontal lines, the top line broken, the middle line unbroken, the bottom line broken. The broken lines are yin - yielding. The unbroken line is yang - firm. So water is outwardly yielding and adaptable but inwardly firm and strong. Whatever happens to water, it can always return to its original state.

It might help you to have these same qualities when dealing with your sister.

Peace

[Guff779]

Thank you very much for your insights and suggestions. I'll take everything on board