Is "just family" really enough for anyone?

[HITESH SHAH]

Originally Posted by ReturningMoon

So do you think just family really is enough or do we need more than just that?

Family is the rock foundation of any civilization . So definitely having a caring and nurturing family around is very much necessity (may be privilege in some places sometimes ). That said , we need many more things in life like
1. Self sustaining and fulfilling occupation
2. Hobbies that can make us better, creative and happier (of course without causing harm elsewhere)
3. Friends / colleagues /teacher / student / government/ doctors etc
4. Changes in family by means of new entry and exit.
5. Good health
6. Finally a goal /challenges in life which can exhort us perennially.

It may be that family may be unable to meet many a material demands in life . There is no point regretting / blaming family for being unable to give more comforts in life if family has given good education , food /shelter/clothing and value system . Those things are more valuable to lead our life successfully.

[SapphireBlue]

Originally Posted by AngelBlue

But in adulthood we need a partner and kids and obviously close family cannot provide that!

I haven't needed it, that's just a societal construct/ideal. Not forgetting the growing numbers of women who wish to remain childless.

[Clio_86]

My family was ok when I was growing up. I was provided for but did not receive a lot of love. I always brushed off my family dysfunction until I became an adult and spent most of 2023 caring for my dad who has dementia. That situation brought the family dysfunction to light and I've since decided to estrange myself from both my intermediate family and my mother's side.

I've been struggling for eight months. My mom kicked me out three weeks before my PhD defence after my dog died last October due to conflict over my dad's health. I had no money and was unemployed. I had to request a zoom defence and tell my committee what happened. Thank gosh I passed and it went well.

At first I stayed with a friend and then went to stay with my mom's sister (my aunt) and she was worse than my mom. I left and stayed with friends while trying to find my way. Luckily, I got a really good government job but had to wait four months to start the position. I'm now 1.5 months in and have found a nice roommate who let me and my cats move in. I'm slowly chipping away at my debts. My job is really rewarding. But I was only able to make it due to the love and generosity of my friends. So many of my friends helped me out financially, emotionally, and in any way they could.

I haven't spoke to my family since mid-February, when I called my mom in a moment of weakness. My mom told me how horrible I am and I decided to cut all contact. Two weeks ago my mom contacted my best friend asking where I am and if I'm working. My friend said she was not going to give any information and my mom told her that I'm having a mental breakdown.

I just went on a work trip to the Great Bear Rainforest. I got to go hiking and search for ancient pictographs on cliff walls. I'm travelling to remote areas of my country for work that are incredibly beautiful. I have a lot of sadness inside of me but I am building myself back up.

I'm single and my two cats are my closest companions. My friends are also my family. I'm new to this whole family estrangement thing, but I will be ok. I had Easter dinner with a childhood best friend and her family. I feel alone a lot of the time but I know there are people who love and support me.

[Altair]

Originally Posted by Clio_86

I just went on a work trip to the Great Bear Rainforest. I got to go hiking and search for ancient pictographs on cliff walls. I'm travelling to remote areas of my country for work that are incredibly beautiful. I have a lot of sadness inside of me but I am building myself back up.

Sounds lovely. I was in western Canada last year. What a place! Sounds like you have an interesting job.

[Clio_86]

Originally Posted by Altair

Sounds lovely. I was in western Canada last year. What a place! Sounds like you have an interesting job.

Thanks. My job is really interesting. In two weeks I will travel to Nootka Sound.
It is not what I want to be doing, but I won't complain.

[Anala]

As I get older, I am closer to my family

[12meadows]

Clio, I know it may not seem it sometimes, but you're exactly where you need to be. All of our relationships shape the people we become and how we show up in the world. Not all of us are born into loving, supportive families. Special people will show up on our path- relatives or not, long term or short. Those people help us on our journey. Sometimes we may feel like we are walking alone, but it is what we need at the time. We really do have what we need, when we need it. Having faith that you are enough and that you have what you need makes the journey flow more smoothly.

[Starman]

Most children have a magical perspective of their family when it comes to expectations; for most it is only when they become adults that they may start to see family members as regular human beings. Dysfunctional families are very common in many societies and cultures. In some cultures families are more cohesive then others.

Parents usually raise their kids according to their culture, or how they were raised. Is that enough? In my opinion no! One way or another a person has to step out into the world and experience it on their own. We get our primary education from our family, for better or worst, they have the initial impact on us.

Our secondary education comes from grade school, and or an informal education from the streets. College is called “post-secondary education,” but none of these really prepare us for the deeper aspects of life. Family is suppose to be our foundation but if that foundation is cracked, or it does not meet our basic needs, then it is a weak foundation.

As a former social worker I worked in New York City with what used to be called “throw-away kids.” These were five through fifth-teen year old kids who were abandoned by their parents. They were living on the streets and the parents left town to points unknown. Many of these kids held out hope of one day seeing their parents again, and maybe even living with them in spite of the way they were treated by them.

A magical perspective of one day being loved by family members. It is understandable because there is a biological connection, we have the genes of our parents, our physical body literally comes out of our mother. This is what makes it so powerfully painful. I believe that there is a karmic connection between parents, their children, and siblings, regardless of the type of relationship which may have developed between them.

I mean why were you born into the family that you were born into, with the parents which you had, or have?