Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

well he never really
wanted
to get into a fight
where one person wins
at the expense of another

sorta got dragged into it though
because

that seems to be
the way she looks at life

and so
that is what companionship looks like
to her

there is more to it than that
though

[FallingLeaves]

it has been such a relief
not paying any attention to them
not hurting his head...

he has also been thinking
that maybe
well just maybe
there is something to being alone.

with his twin always having him killed
just because he wants her
not being remarkably fun

and even the one he likes the most
when he isn't busy
being obsessed
with his twin
has got this romeo & juliet thing going on

it seems everyone
just wants to get rid of him
anyway.

and sometimes
as fast as possible.

but meanwhile
it has been such a relief
not even trying
to listen or communicate
in any way

that maybe
well just maybe
he thinks that being alone
forever
wouldn't be
such a bad thing.

[FallingLeaves]

on the idea
that there is
a tipping point
where things
go very very sour
very very fast

well I would agree
there is such a thing.

however,
where I don't agree
is in this assumption
that it must be avoided
at all costs.

There is always a silver lining.

for example
we all hear what happens
when one has nothing more to lose

and yet noone
dares bring that on
deliberately.

We'd rather have what control we can, now.

But silver linings
seem slightly more plentiful
in the land
when you've walked away
from needing to be agreed with.

it takes a kind of faith
the understanding
that everyone has got it wrong

even though
everyone is exclaiming
all day long
nothing but
how right they are.

and yet there is noone to turn to
who can get it right.

at least not while we are busy ignoring
what God has to say on the matter.
-------------------------------------------

[FallingLeaves]

hi sweetie
hope you don't mind
i'm no longer enthused
by the idea of you.
you didn't want me
you don't want me
and anymore
I'm getting very plainly tired
of wishing for things
I won't be allowed to have.

so i guess
still more of this awful life in the rain,
where I get to choose
but can't after all
and meanwhile
have to be alone,
and then boring lives in the sun
but without any ability
to choose anything meaningful
so it is back to the rain
only to be
frustrated
once again
about all the things
I'll never be allowed to have.

[FallingLeaves]

so
i dreamed
about a you
last night

it didn't feel bad
at the time
but
I guess
now
I'm so very jaded

I just don't wanna go down that path again.

so
anyway
things not going so well
right now

I feel
undervalued
underestimated
like noone cares

but what else is new?

all i get to hear
all day long
is how
i should be a good boy
and just give in
to everyone else's demands
and then things will somehow
magically
get better.

but you know what
I've done that to death
and it doesn't make things any better
it only makes them worse.

which is what it comes down to
once again
everyone wants all sorts of magical things
but noone wants me.

I either have to toe the line
or I get nothing.

Well guess what,
I've been toeing the line
successfully
for a very long time
and I STILL have nothing.

So apparently
you don't value it
when someone toes the line
either.

you guys are just mean.

[FallingLeaves]

well he tried
not being useful
because
tired of being kicked
but failed miserably
and said
the most useful thing
he knows how to say
lol

well though
everytime
he says that
he gets ignored anyway
so it is probably ok

but
back to the old drawing board...

[FallingLeaves]

you hadn't
done that
in a long time

i had forgotten
how mean you could be

well at least
I never actually believed
anything could really change
between us.

I'm learning
slowly.

[FallingLeaves]

he doesn't know
if he really knows
what he thinks he knows

certainly there is precedent
for the idea
that noone gets out of this place unfooled.

god did
explicitly say that
after all!

He does know
things only get worse
if people want to buy
whatever he is selling
so it is to his advantage
not to be selling.

Besides
noone wants him
anyway
so why
should he continue
to try
to make their lives better
by giving of himself?

Better just to mope around
he thinks.

[FallingLeaves]

he sorta feels like
he doesn't want a her
any more

much as he likes her
she is just too mean
and no matter how much
he wants
to believe
that she might change

that she might be different
than he knows she is

it just isn't gonna happen

and neither does he feel much like
asking for her meanness
at this point in time.

so he thinks
he just doesn't want her
any more

none of the others are any better though.

[FallingLeaves]

i don't like you right now
but
it did seem
like I should say something

that is
i got past
trying to win
against a you
a long time ago

it became obvious
sometime or other
that it wasn't gonna happen

I wasn't gonna win.

So I looked around
and found the reasons why
same as I find all the reasons
to not want you
any more

and I had to admit
to myself
after a bit of searching
I was wrong
for ever trying to win.

It wasn't something I should do.

So, I'm sorry.

---------

it is actually still
a little hard to stomach
because
we are all taught
how much we should be winners...

but,
Still
I realize i was wrong

and I'm sorry.
----------------

Still don't like you though.

(sticks out tongue)