Nervous Breakdown

[Clio_86]

On March 27th, I had a nervous breakdown at work. I'm now on a medical leave where I receive 75% of my pay. The last two years of my life have been pretty hard. I've posted in the past about caring for my dad who has dementia, him accidentally letting my dog out and dying, etc. I was able to weather those situations. However, I started a new job about a year ago which has led to where I am now.

I work in government and it has not been a walk in the park but since the end of 2024 things have become increasingly bad. My supervisor has made it her mission to try to get me to quit or be fired. I've thought about why my supervisor dislikes me and the only reasons I can assume are due to me being well liked in our office (she is not very popular) and because I had a recent academic success and also work successes which brought me some recognition.

Since January 2024, my boss has made it her mission to ruin me. I've been experiencing the typical work place bullying behaviours such as constant criticism, isolation, gossiping, increased work load, extreme surveillance/monitoring, turning others against me, being assigned disciplinary procedures (despite HR not approving) etc.

I tried to keep my head down and just do my work. I received a lot of support from colleagues and was given a multitude of advice. My supervisor kept seeking feedback from all of my colleagues (nearly all of it great) but the one colleague she was able to turn against me berated me in person and during a meeting.

My supervisor set up a meeting with my colleague on March 27th because I told her that he had been ignoring me and cancelling all of our meetings. She assured me the meeting would be helpful to get our communications back on track. The meeting was a full on assault against me. I was criticized and spoken to in a very hostile manner. Things I was praised for in my feedback survey a week prior, were now criticisms against me. I interrupted the meeting near the end and said "I thought this meeting was supposed to be about getting our communications back on track." I was told that this person needed to tell me his expectations and he continued to berate me. I had a panic attack and my body broke out into massive red circles. I had a nervous breakdown and decided to go on medical leave.

My anxiety has been through the roof. I am so stressed out. I've been having dreams where I am being chased by random people from my life and waking up multiple times per night. I either sleep all day or have so much nervous energy I have to clean or speed walk.

My doctor approved a one month period of time off, we have a check-in around May 10th, and he put my back-to-work date as June 10th. I am part of a union and had been documenting everything (journal and evidence). I contacted a shop steward and we filed various grievances. My shop steward has been amazing and really supportive. I'm also seeing a therapist and in a Depression Care program.

My doctor told me to just relax and try to pursue my hobbies during my time off. I'm finding it hard though. He said it takes about two weeks for stress levels to die down and then I can start my healing.

I'm trying to be gentle with myself, allowing myself to sleep and eat whatever I want. However, I still feel on edge and not sure what to do with myself. I'm generally quite chipper despite feeling so low. I'm worried that I will bring my roommate down and don't want to be a negative influence on his life.

I guess I just feel broken and I have a lot of fear. Any feedback or suggestions to help me improve my well-being are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Miss Hepburn]

I just wanna say...this could have been written by my friend...happened on the same day I think!
He's still on leave from work.
I'm so sorry.

[Native spirit]

You need to speak to your Boss if that doesn't solve anything go to a help centre and get advice about work place bullying
once you open that up many more will join you



Namaste

[Clio_86]

Originally Posted by Native spirit

You need to speak to your Boss if that doesn't solve anything go to a help centre and get advice about work place bullying
once you open that up many more will join you

I filed a grievance against my boss and have been negotiating a team change, getting rid of the disciplinary procedures she's made me undertake and a reimbursement of wages. So, the union represents me for these things and I think an investigation will take place soon.

[Starman]

Now is a great time to learn about the Tarot or Rune stones, and what
they have to say about your situation. Of course there is also I-Ching
and other oracle practices which might appeal to you more. You have a
real situation, filled with anxiety and drama, which is a good time to
learn about anxiety, drama, hopes and fears, etc.

You have another part to play, other than the one you are currently
playing. Creating that new role with proven, or sound, strategies and
tactics, will influence the outcome of your situation. But know that
the outcome of this situation will carry you to another situation, maybe
more desirable or not.

Don’t panic, live in the moment with uncertainty knowing with
certainty that whatever you are going through right now is setting you up
for what is next. Still, stay in the moment and don’t get lost in what
may happen next. Right now in the U.S. Federal employees are
going through an uncertain shakeup. Hang-in there, cultivate inner
silence, and know that whatever is going to happen has
already happened!

[Starman]

Putting it in words, that by their nature are inadequate, nonetheless, we,
what we call ourselves. Our physical body, thoughts, feelings, reactions or the
lack thereof, are all reflections of light, and before they were reflections of light,
they were very fine vibrations, or at least fine by the standards of earthly physical
existence. So many words we can use, energy, spirit, consciousness, etc., etc., etc.

Reflections take time to become part of our actual awareness. All matter is as a
reflection of radiant energy. This is my experience, as well as what has been widely
reported by others. The events that are happening have already happened because,
like looking at stars in the night sky, we are seeing them from millions or even
billions of years past.

The reflection of light, even in our own physical body and all of its
surroundings, is a delayed reaction, a reflection of light. This is the
outer universe, and in my opinion, the image of what many call
“GOD,” which we are created in, or continually recreated in. With, again
in my opinion, the likeness of God is within everything, including us.
This is just my perception, which is subject to change.

Undeniably the fabric of that light is rich, thick, extremely sweet,
and very overwhelmingly intoxicating, unconditional love. It is what
I have found, and come to believe is at the core of all that is,
seen or unseen.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Clio_86

I guess I just feel broken and I have a lot of fear. Any feedback or suggestions to help me improve my well-being are greatly appreciated.

On a practical level you seem to be doing all the right things - being gentle with yourself, keeping evidence of what has been happening, working with your union representative.

On a deeper level you could look into the practice of Ho'oponopono, a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness.

The basic principle of Ho'oponopono is that we are responsible for everything which manifests in our lives.

If something manifests in life which causes stress then it is the result of something which we have done. We may have no idea what we have done to make other people behave as they do, but we need to seek forgiveness for it. Which we do through a few simple steps.

This may sound an unlikely solution, it may seem completely unreasonable, this may not be what you want to hear, but remarkable results have been reported. Difficult situations have been resolved, difficult people have changed their behaviour.

Plenty of information about Ho'oponopono online. And you have nothing to lose by giving it a go.

Peace

[DaneA]

You need to look out for something positive happening every day, perhaps multiple events. Note them down to affirm they're positive if you feel like it. It could be anything from good weather to receiving a gift. If you wake up to a sunny day, open your arms to it.