Annoying flirtations

[AngelBlue]

Hah.... The curse of "drawing attention".....
I spent a lifetime since being born doing anything to avoid "attention".... I couldn't, and to a lot of extent , still can't stand it .
Being Empath and very introvert I could never abide people "looking at me" and If they happened to "wolf whistle " at me I was mortified .
A very slender lady, very tall , long wavy blonde hair , but I hated People looking at me.
So I would wear sunglasses to "hide" behind.... But strangely enough , this in some weird sense used to create even more attention as though I was some celebrity or other trying to hide my identity.
And I grew up all my life feeling "ugly" .
But now, now that I'm poorly and not "recognizable" I think back to those days and wonder why I used to think that about myself .
Because better someone whistles at you in appreciation than knock you about and tell you that you are worthless .

[energy4ever]

That's the thing, others may see something you did not see about yourself and you grew up thinking you were ugly when that was never so. That's so twisted. Wonder how it could be that way. Things we do to ourselves, things other do to us. That is sad. It's always sad when the negative wins. Sad you look at yourself that way today.
When growing up and today I see that my granddad was envious of my dad. Petty. That his son could not be any better than he was, that sort of thing I guess.
It took me a very long time to catch on that envy keeps some people from treating you fairly, treating you like a human being. You treat them like one. Instead what do you get? You get nothing, that's what you get, or you get put down as they can't handle it. Handle themselves. Others are different. Thank God for that.

I believe now I have done the same thing with me creating this thread and complaining as that has to do with me. Nobody in my life could understand. Only now I think I know it is because of few things. One: My past with jealousy. Exes want someone they are attracted to but when they have it they can't handle it and get jealous and hold you accountable for things you can't be hold accountable for. I saw myself in my brother when he was in a relationship with someone of the sort. How meticulous to not be misunderstood, not have something that they could accuse someone off, to accuse you off. I did not want there to be any misunderstandings. I don't like it when men take the reins, surprising me the way the men has done that I was referring to when making this thread. That makes me feel as if I am without control. Jog's my memory of my past with men in my past doing that. That was my fault too. I should have participated more. How none of us were in the right.

I hate it when I am wrong, but I have been wrong to become annoyed. I am now annoyed with myself. If it happens again I will remember this. Just because of that it won't happen. Serves me right then. I won't flirt back and I won't be as annoyed by it as I have been before.
Yes, what is it that makes us get attention when we don't look for it? What law is that? Like you with your sunglasses. It's kind of fun when you think of it. Could it be you were more relaxed, more you with the sunglasses before you understood? Me too with my Disney not thinking anyone would hit on me? When we are ourselves perhaps then we are at our most attractive? When we're relaxed?

I have been surprised with few people on here explaining to me that when older this will not happen no more. In my reality always the grown ups and their parents, the grannies and the grandpas, had it going on, they were different than we were about it. More discreet. Maybe the young were so self absorbed they did not notice it, believing the game only to apply to them? I have not thought that it is an age when it doesn't happen no more. Maybe it is an attitude to life? People 80+, it's true! I've seen it. I'm hoping you will feel better about the physical. Don't say no to you. Putting yourself down gets us nowhere but down. We all deserve to feel beautiful inside out.

[Native spirit]

I am a private person i stay in the shadows. I had people shouting at me.
until I got hold of one of the Boys being obnoxious, and I gave him a threshing
people left me alone after that.


Namaste

[AngelBlue]

Thank you ENERGY, For understanding, and Native , I wish you'd been my sister, my protector ... Mine died at birth ( twin sister) and I feel she would have been the strong one.
I KNOW I had to travel my path alone , I fully understand that . But it was a lonely road .

It was my parents that made me feel lonely .

[energy4ever]

You're welcome! The parents these days, what are we going to do about them?

No seriously, I feel you.

[energy4ever]

That's the spirit, Native Spirit!

[FairyCrystal]

There is a reason they're working on making wolf whistling / cat calling against the law. They're working on that in the UK, EU, US for sure.
And it's about bloody time too!
It's called 'street intimidation' and that's exactly what it is. Sexual harassment.
It's insane that grown men like builders whistle at teenage girls that walk or cycle by. I had that a lot in the past when I was only 14-15. One of the most horrible things to experience as a young girl!
And even now, at age 56, I avoid building sites because I don't feel safe/comfortable/awkward when walking past them. It's an infringement of someone's freedom to get wolf whistled. It makes you want to dress in wide long clothes as opposed to the things you want to wear. Totally ridiculous men take that freedom and sense of safety away from us.
A normal way of dealing with women would be to show respect, not to be dealt with as a sex playmate.

That kind of thing happening a lot doesn't help a girl to feel valued, pretty, worthy, confident. It's not validation, and as far from respectful as you can get. If nothing else, it ruins your self-esteem. That's what intimidation does to a person.
So I'm not surprised you ended up feeling that way. A shame you beat yourself up over that as you're not to blame. It's a bunch of males that needed to boost their egos in front of their mates.
Probably having dinner later at home with the missus and possibly a teenage daughter of themselves and not even thinking about the girls/women whose confidence they trashed earlier on. Nor that some other loser could do the same to his daughter, or then getting angry about it.
In other words: I doubt most even have the braincells to realise what damage their behaviour can do.
In that sense it's insane that this is still going on and still not illegal worldwide. It means we still don't have a society where women can be truly safe, equal, and respected.

[Redchic12]

Ah Native I just luuuuuuv your comments. Way to go mate!

[Redchic12]

FairyCrystal perhaps the flirting with you isn’t the problem but YOUR THOUGHTS about the situation is more the problem. I mean it’s gonna happen all the time (from what I can gather from your comments) so there is no way that is going to change, so why not focus more on the solution and not the problem. That way your energy is getting channeled in a positive direction towards the outcome that you want.





Perhaps putting more energ

[energy4ever]

I think we are referring to different things that touches us on this subject. As for me my experiences are not about men in groups whistling at me as I cross their path. I didn't even think of that. I am well aware of the phenomenon, but having stayed in different countries and cities I can tell you it is not the same everywhere.

I think it goes down to Who is in control and who someone else think are in control. The one in control knows what it is doing and what it is going to do next and then knows it's not going to place harm or am intended to do that but he, they do not see it from the Targets view. Then there can be different ways the targets respond to it, let's not forget that, not everyone respond the same way. I think it is nature's Law that as women, alone, are going about their own business are suddenly in a situation when groups of men, bigger than they are, stronger than they are, start to act this way all at the same time that you can feel the very core of the threat of that, hundreds if not thousands years back in time in our female DNA:s. It's then a threat. You can then feel all these things that Fairy Crystal describes and are entitled to feel.

What ever you do in life you have to read the target of who you are doing it to, 50, 50. That's where mutual respect comes into the picture. Sad thing can be that you don't know if something you've done to someone else is wrong til you have actually done it and then catch the response of that. You thought you did a good thing.

When it has happened to me (in two different countries, there can be a different set of culture in the cities than out on the country side) I thought for a split second that they were all calling for a cab or whistling at each other. YMCA... . I was 14. I dressed no differently than anyone else. I didn't like it. I was a little afraid. I would if I could avoid passing. I would use headphones, look at something else or straight ahead. I did not want to walk so fast that they would get they got to me but I then began to walk fast way before so if someone saw me then they would think that was my normal speed, that I was in a hurry. I thought if I wore headphones they would not whistle, call out if they thought I didn't hear them. Older men like my Dad. Younger men, nobody as young as 14. I don't know what age they thought I was. It does not matter.

I learned to think of it this way: They can't get pass this fence, like dogs behind a fence, they have no interest in that. If all of them were going to drop their tools and run after you then what would the owner of the dogs, boss of them say! They're there to work. They're not going to do anything to you. It's not in their mission. They can have different agendas to why they do what they do. Let's face it if a male does something and he sees the female, the target, gets a negative feeling about it (as in for example uncomfortable, afraid, angry) and that has not been his intention then he's a fool to ignore that, worse if he continues. There are those who gets off doing that, aspiring that negative reaction, which then tells us there is something seriously wrong with them. Then there are those men, females that do not do a good job reading anyone and that's then what it all comes down to.