How do I make peace with being single?

[Emmalevine]

Moonstar - I've pmed you.

I wouldn't say I've found my way to complete wholeness as I still get lonely on my own. I think I've reached a point where I can function and I find fulfulment in my creativity and goals which is my personal definition of what it means to be 'whole.' It doesn't mean the loneliness disappears overnight, or at least in my case it hasn't. It means wanting a relationship but not feeling desperate for one. Humans are social animals, after all. It means being able to function alone and not spending my life waiting for 'the one.' Since my life circumstances have brought me to a very isolated place, I have had to learnt to like my own company and feel good about who I am despite all the difficult things life has brought to me. I think that's the key, really.

Spectrum - If you have a porn addiction then that could well be making your need for a relationship far worse. I don't know what you've been reading but trying to go cold turkey on an addiction might reinforce the problem as you'll still be focussed on it. You could try focussing your energy on other things in life - set some goals as I said before, such as starting a college course or project. When the mind is busy with other things the addiction won't be such a big deal. After all, what are addictions but attempts to fill a void. Fill your personal void with productive stuff that make you feel good in more helpful ways. There's nothing wrong with porn per sae, but the addiction is harmful. Put your energy in following your dreams and then the rest of your life will match the more productive energy you're giving out. Whatever you do, don't make the porn into a problem, just take your mind elsewhere. Good luck!

[Moonstar84]

Starbuck, thanks, have Pmed you back. :)

Like you say, humans are social animals, so I suppose it's natural to want someone to be with. When people talk about being whole and complete in yourself, it can make you feel as if there's something wrong with you. At least that's how I feel sometimes. Thanks for explaining your definition of being whole. :) I think it's a good idea to find fulfillment by yourself and if you feel good about who you are, you will be able to cope with life better.

Spectrum, I can see why being addicted to porn could hold you back from finding a relationship because it could give you unrealistic expectations or mean you view women in a certain way that's not necessarily the reality. I didn't know that porn and masturbation were related to depression. I suppose comparing yourself to the men in porn films could make you feel inadequate (same for women comparing themselves), like looking at pictures of attractive people in magazines.

oh spectrum - I just ROFL I have seen this NO FAP document and I have tried it so I will give you my advice (for free)

I didn't watched porn and I didn't fap for 33 days.. The first week was hard but then it was ok (I was surprised..) anyway.. on day 33 I was so nervous - not because of need to fap, not because I need to watch porn, but because I have not the MINIMAL willingness for sex, women or porn..

So I start googling and found out that no fap for so long is just not good!!

Your body works very simple - when you stop using your left ear or hand, it will become more and more weaker and at the end you wouldn't be able to use it!! Imagine this screen play with your ehmm.. you know what I mean..

So, don't watch porn! YES! it is bad for men! I don't watch it aether!

But, do one fap for 7 days.. it is very important..

When you stop for more than 7 days, your body start to reduce testosterone (men hormone - power, will.. everything for us!) so it is really not good to go more than 7 days without fapping..

So on day 7 - release the "power" :)) but without porn! just use your imagination!

And then for 7 days no single touch! Anyway, on 3rd day your testosterone level is maximal so you have the biggest taste for women (and it is ok!)

..I hope I have saved you some "research" ;)

[Kiran]

Men! *rollingeyeshere*


I understand you, in a way. Have been struggling with being single myself, and hating it, and feeling lonely. And hell yeah, I always wished I would find that guy that would just come along and make me feel whole and happy and fulfilled. Didn't happen. And I'm still single. Wanting a man to love me. Right.


Hey, sex is great. Having someone to cuddle is great. Being able to share your life with someone is great. And yeah, I'm not getting any younger, my little brother already has a child, my friends are getting married and having second and third children, and nearing 30th birthday, one can get desperate.

Tell me if you discovered the secret of how to be alone and feel good about it.


Meanwhile we'll keep on searching. Or hope to be found.

But know what? Talking to other people helps. Especially the gender you're interested in. You just might find a person that's interested in YOU. ;)

hi there, I am back with some new ideas in my life,

1st and most important: the love doesn't exist between men and a women. Imagine your soul mate, so funny girl that you feel awesome with her - but when she doesn't attract you - she has no chance to "relationship". I figured it out that it is all about attraction. don't look for love - you wouldn't find it, look for sex, you would find it.

2nd: if you are thirsty, you don't go like: find some hobbies, be happy thirsty, explore your life, travel, have a fun.. no! you just drink some water and everything in in order then! :) so if you want sex - have sex.

it's funny but whole my life I was looking for a soul mate, ignoring that every relationship around me is grounded mainly on the attraction. People are just more intelligent animals..

have a nice day and good luck!

Originally Posted by Mazulu

Spectrum,
It's easy. Just use an online dating service. In your profile, describe what you're looking for. You can have anything that you like. Why be alone? Honestly? Why be alone when you can describe what it is your looking for and see what kind of responses you get. I met my fiance this way. There are women out there who are extremely flexible who will agree to anything you ask for. Just try it.

That is your answer, you will never accept being alone, why try for something you dont actually want? <<<< Thats half your problem there mate. Get online, arrange some dates, one a week ( dates, not opportunities for sex). Have some fun, meet, talk, enjoy the interestingly new found confidence you will gain....... and the rest is history!

Ps, dont find an excuse not to do the above, cause if you do.... I will reach through the computer and slap you with a wet cloth

Peace ;)