Why do I keep attracting negative people and not positive people in my life?

[spiritualmountain]

Hi Friends,

I feel like I only keep attracting negative people in my life and that I am not able to attract positive people in my life.

I always find it hard to make friends. Most people lose contact with me after I have graduated from middle school, high school, university etc. It is always me who always makes the first move to initiate a conversation with them. But after a while, they seem to be not interested and stop replying to me.

The only people who try to contact me are the ones who want to make use of me. They will only contact me when they need to borrow money or need some help from me and then ignore me when they no longer need my help.

Most recently, one of my ex-high school classmate contacted me out of the blue. I felt happy that someone showed interest to talk to me. But it turned out that he is looking to find someone to take up a job position in his company because he was offered commission (referral fees) and he was forcing me to resign my current job and join his new job so that he can benefit from it. I told him that I don't want to leave my current job and he stopped talking to me. I felt very sad because it reiterates the fact that people just want to contact me only to make use of me. Nobody genuinely wants to talk to me in life.

It is kind of making me feel hatred towards all people. Like I just want to sever all ties and contacts with everyone.

I don't know. I find people around me that I see in my everyday life are blessed. They are blessed with good parents, nice siblings, good close friends, "magically" meet their life partner, have a long happy marriage, have children, have a good career, and then have grandkids when they grow older. It seems that they get to experience the "complete life". It seems like life has been nicely placed for them to live happily. I desire such a life but I feel that the universe has denied me so. It feels hurtful that people around you can experience a happy life but not yourself.

Sometimes, I think to myself that I might have committed many horrendous bad karma in my past lives, which is why I am not able to experience a happy life in this birth.

It's nice to have some positive people in your life. What is your spiritual advice for me?

Do you think I am able to change my ill fate?

Thank you.

[astralsuzy]

I am just putting out an idea and it may not be you. Make sure that you do not come across as desperate as that can drive people away. There are a lot of people in the same situation as you. You are lucky to have one good reliable friend. I have had friends but people move on. Nothing last forever. They have their own friends or are very busy. There are a lot of people that are just users and they are not nice people. Perhaps you could join a social group that you enjoy doing. I do not know what your interests are but examples are bush walking, cycling and there are many other things. I would just try to enjoy yourself and not focus on having friends. There was a friend who I used to have a coffee with but I do not want to see her anymore. She became a toxic person. She did not think there was anything wrong with bullying in the workforce and there were other reasons. I play mahjong with someone and she said a friend invited herself to her place and camped in the backyard and ate all her food. She did not provide anything to help. My friend did not see her anymore.

I find when you leave school, university etc people drift away and make their own life with other people.
Please do not feel hatred towards people. That will only make you depressed and will not help you. There are a lot of nice people. A lot of people get married, have a family, working and they are very busy with their life and often do not want to include other people. They have their own friends and do not want any more friends.
It can seem like people are living a wonderful life. There are a lot of marriage break ups etc. Even when people have it good there are always problems that they have to face. I used to work in peoples homes and everyone had their problems. Be patient and you will likely meet someone. Make sure the person is kind etc. My son did not choose wisely. He married a person that was not nice and the marriage ended quickly.

I am sure you have not committed a terrible karma for this to happen. This is life and it can happen to a lot of people. There are a lot of lonely people out there.

I am sure you can change your fate. Go out, stop worrying and have fun. Join a group as I mentioned above.

[astralsuzy]

It can happen to a lot of people. There are a lot of users out there and they are not friends. Be gentle on yourself as it can happen to a lot of people.

In a way I can relate to what you are saying. I used to chase so called friends at times (though at the time I didn't view it that way) and also sort of make up for their lack of energy in the relationship dynamic. For me it was a worthiness issue. There were nicer people but I felt awkward around them because I couldn't see why they would like someone like me. Could be the same for you. It's complicated no doubt. Maybe other replies will help you further explore the issue

Hi, I agree with those above. Could be you are cut in the middle. at some stage some people are good with what they have and they will not let someone else in and if, then sadly as you hav discovered to take advantage of you.

i've heard often that i am good to be around, fun loving, i often feel a tenderness towards people even strangers, i see their faults as vulnerabilities and will and can too feel a need to protect them. most of my life i have been surrounded by people who has treated me well. however i have also had few people in my life that has not and they have sadly taken most of my energy and i've suffered trauma and mental abuse.

i have not been very active at all but it seems people would be drawn to me, would like me. i was used to moving around a lot and used to saying goodbye to friends and so on and it always seemed to be someone and then more and more drawing themselves to me. even as i was shy and a tomboy around boys they too would be drawn to me.

i had this conversation the other day and had to think back and even if i matured early (the body that is, not the mind so much, LOL) no boy would ever, ever disrespect me or give me a bad comment. all my life those others said had temper for instance or were "bad boys" were always nice to me, from school years to what job i now had, they would ask me to please ask him (some bad boy and/or someone with temper) and that one would always be like an angel, and not say no to what it now was. it's still like that. I do not know why. i have a boyish sense of humor that i have to not give away too much but i do think it has saved me. that i see humor in things, life.

i am not naive but i am not suspicious when it comes to people and i do not push relationships. i do not ask questions. people tell you what they feel comfy in telling you. if you start asking questions they are not comfy with they will make up lies or avoid you. i let people be themselves. i enjoy people. i've always have. i don't want to be the center of attention. some are more talkers, some are more listeners, some are both.

i have not been someone afraid to change life, as in changing work place or to move.

i made no difference from indoors to outdoors so when i was little and "ran away from home" I didn't, I just wandered off. I wasn't afraid. when older i could not relate to why my parent/s would be afraid something had happened to me. now i get it but back then i didn't.

I've felt energies all my life and could read people well so I knew who to stay away from and who to draw myself too.

i have too been too kind to people who have not treated me well but in the end it does not matter because i chose to cut off contact with those, their vulnerabilities got the best of them and they were in denial of that but i was not going to continue to allow it anymore on my expense.

abusers abuse everyone but they of course like people who are less selfish, has less-selfrespect and more patience. so you gotta watch out for those.

many, many people live their lives so it looks perfect but there could be all sorts of problems you don't know about what truly goes on. it is a way to protect themselves and the other ones in their lives. it is a fasade. a barrier. a shield. so what you see that is only the surface. sometimes all kinds of hell happens during a short period of time in one's lives and sometimes not, an d sometimes spread out, it all depends.

i never go somewhere thinking everyone will like me. i do not care if they do or not but i sort of view us all as one and the same in a way, we all have the same feelings and so on. i don't know. i'm curious about people, what makes them tick but i don't impose.

i let relationship take time as it takes time too to get to know someone.

i don't know if it will help you mentally if you imagine that you already have a nice family and friends and so on, if that helps you in your self, what you give out, to others .keep the rhytm just so.

i know lots of people that would tell me that when they were single and wanted to meet someone then nobody was interested or it was just people that were something off with, but then once they had found someone suddenly lots more people were interested and they were like what is going on??? Where were all those before??? I think they signaled something else then.

if we feel good about ourselves i tihnk we draw people to us that too want to feel good. i've never cared about age, gender, sexual orientation (that is non of my business), what ever background, what ever religious believes, and turns out my friends varies from all of it and they don't look alike. i know i once had a boyfriend who told me one time he could not imagine why i was friend with someone, this was a very, very dear friend of mine, and I got upset why he said that. he based that on that he thought I was pretty and "cool" (yeah right) and apparently he thought she was not pretty enough. i saw him in a total different light, and not the good kind, after that. he tried to point out to me that he was used to seeing women with women friends who all apparently looked alike or were the same type.

one time when i had a bad break up and i had to re-start my life all over the guy looked pretty shocked that i would leave all that, but i did because i knew even if it would take time and i would be alone, that it would be the way it has always been before in my life, that i would rebuilt my life and get new friends, and i did. sure it was hard and it was grief to loose that life but i knew i had to do it to get rid of him.

i think there are all sorts of social groups out there, it is just that you have gotten stuck in an area where nothing is happening but these different people showing up to take advantage.

if you do find a social group of your taste you will meet people there who are open to get to know new people, are in that period of your life.

i would say trust your instincts about people but do not judge all people, do not close the door on all people, just learn to smell them you know? don't rule them all out. and too - it is not about how many friends you have, it is the quality of friends. i can have fewer friends than someone else but when the it really matters, you need true, real friends even if they are very few, than an ocean of friends who aren't really.

i guess what i too have thought is to be friend with yourself first. love yourself. be your own best friend. you like yourself no? you like to hang out with yourself? if you do that, if you feel good in your own skin, it is likely other people will feel that way too. be kind to yourself, be kind to others. it works.

now here to the bummer-part: right now i am working on a low self esteem period down to long period of stress and mental abuse, but i know this is not the real me, it's a phase i have to get through. i've gotten this way because of my husband and his narc-parent putting down my looks, weight. disastrious result, the narc of course couldn't care less I would think but my husband is very sorry about it and doing everything he can now to try to fix it.

i know when i am feeling this way i am that i close up, i have a shield around me, i don't have that much to give. i'm not fun going and relaxed and feel sexy and what not around him at the beach, as i still remember how he was at me (this was during the pandemic when he panic over a little weight) wanting to decide what i should eat or not, what i looked like in a bath suit or not. he had always been a workout-manic but during that time i think he was worse than ever. i used to be resilient to it but then i wasn't. i left him over it, to return some time after he had gone into therapy to figure out what was wrong with him, not me.

sometimes some people project out their own fear and you get to be the victim of it. turns out i would have the disease more than once and my weight was not the problem at all, that was in his head. He would try to shame me into loosing weight rapidly and i wouldn't. he was brought up that way. with discipline and shame. he was very much afraid something would happen to me but instead what came out was that he was looking at himself as superior and me as inferior.

if i am on the beach without him i am fun loving and relaxed and feel good about my body.

I am hoping one day we can laugh at this but i am not there yet.

before him and his narc parent i never even knew i was suppose to be less attractive just because i was underweight or normal weight or slightly overweight, i had no idea. i have been through all those phases, my body that is. You know why? Because I was still attracting people to me, because I felt good in my own skin, I think. That's what I think it was. I never ever noticed that I got less appreciation from men in average, strangers.

so what i would say is to feel good about yourself and good about how you view other people.

i don't know if there is a way to not invite even the bad ones in ,but once they are in it's good to know it's a bad one and to then get that person out of your life or at a distance where you can handle it.

[Mr_Determined]

"Real loss is only possible when you love something or someone more than you love yourself."

"You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain and what makes you grateful, not hateful."

Always remember, there are people out there in a far worse off position than you are.

Thankfully, I don't think you are one of them!

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by spiritualmountain

I feel like I only keep attracting negative people in my life and that I am not able to attract positive people in my life. ... Do you think I am able to change my ill fate?

It is said that like attracts like, so maybe start by looking within and seeing what it is within you which might attract negative people into your life. Maybe they are reflecting some aspects of yourself you are not aware of.

And use whatever tools you can to create a more positive outlook for yourself - affirmations, visualisation, whatever. The mind is a very powerful tool which has the potential to transform your life.

Your current situation may be nothing to do with horrendous bad karma, but instead could be a learning experience for you.

You can experience the "complete life" you desire. Perhaps it is not the universe which is denying you such a life, but something within you which is denying yourself such a life. Maybe you just need to realise that you are worthy of such a life.

Peace

oh I thought of another thing: Make a list of the things you like about yourself. Your strenghts. We all got them, just varies of it. Use that, to built yourself up with.

I've often seen the positive sides of people, their strenghts and that give them too a shine. I have not bothered looking for negative stuff. I have seen them but I have weight in if it's something or not.

there is many people in your shoes and you are not alone, i think one thing is when you are isolated like that it is easy to tell yourself negative things about why this is and how come everyone else has everything if, when you look around.

could too be that you are completely meant to be in the situation you are now, for it to be painful enough for you to move on and look for other worlds, and that is where the friends are. that your time now and your usual way of going is enough now, has reached it's limit, and time for you to change your routines and go and dare to look under different stones to find what you're looking for?

I've attracted all sorts of people in my life, the majority of them are some really awesome good people, but again unfortunately I've attracted a few too that would go crazy about me, one of them I think was an actual psychopath and those are not easy to get rid off once in. I had a gut feeling about him, felt right away I did not like him and it was hard to not show that I did not as I still thought I had to be polite. Took him years actually to have manipulated our surrounding, having enabled people around me, me in a period where I doubted my initial reading of him (bad move on my part). He had by then transformed himself to an image he thought I would like. I was when I got involved with him full of laughter and joy for life and I think he was drawn to me because it was too a sport for him to see if he could bring me down, and he almost could. Their idea of love is through control, power, not the goodies you want. He was someone who came off as gentle, as charming, as someone with a humor, as someone careful. That is not how psychopaths are portraid in movies a lot of times. I was still real young back then and I did not know the first thing about psychopaths. That experience taught me to what ever it was that I now had (The ability to read people, energies, my gut feeling) to listen to it, and not care about all those people around us (enablers) who was part of a quilt-compaign to make me fall for him, finally. Even if you think something about someone and the others do not, trust yours.

Too another thing: be weary of how your own energy is letting you know about someone else's energy. If lets say with my husband my own energy would be lowered, down, because that is where his was. He was more in harmony and he was smiling and so on when we met, but still his level, his energy, and he was lovely so it wasn't that, but it was somewhat lowered, I would say, when we met, then again I knew there were stuff going on in his life at the time, that he was going through. I would go more up when alone or with some other people in my life and he would say to me several different times that you are so happy.going and so on when i hear you talk (to that someone), but you are not that way with me. He was hurt about that. I could see that. I was about to say but I can't be like that because you are not like that (like my friend who I was talking to), but didn't. What? I'm gonna have a party of one? He was not aware of his own level. I would automatically adjust my own. I remember a period in our lives that I took notes, not saying anything to him about it, but he was negative, negative, negative for days, not one positive word came out, I was the one when saying something positive be then told something "realistic" he thought of the truth. After having not said anything about it I finally asked him why he was so negative. He was not even aware he was and told me I was overly-positive but I wasn't. It was true I was trying to cheer him up (if that is a crime) and at those times sure I could have come off as overly-positive, what the hell. I still suspect he was having a somewhat period of depression at the time but he did not know it. He was a perfectionist and under pressure, more stress in our lives, and he had to have it "just so", so creating his own stress with his own demands on how things must be and never reaching it, or exhausting himself trying to reach it because he was haunting a feeling, so nothing abstract, not something you could touch or actually do something about. Hopeless. It would be projected out to me as well because I as his partner had to be perfect too and help him in his hopeless campaign to have everything perfect, what now perfect was. He had very high demands on himself, but then too on me and he was not aware of what I felt coming from him. He was however much more kind to me than he was to himself, but I could still feel it. Because he never felt good enough he made me too feel as if I was not good enough, again he was not aware of it but I felt it. He is not like that today, but he was then.

One thing I noticed about him is that he was very restricted on giving me compliments, but if something was wrong (that he thought was wrong) he would point that out. I have seen the same behavior from someone in his family that I too do not think reacted that it was negative and if depression could be behind it.

I would later tell him, when I had had enough that you know, not saying positive things about someone you claim to love so much (me), is an active choice on your part. It isn't "cool". You are restraining, punishing me because you can not even be enough kind to yourself to say good things about yourself, so why then me, right? During couple counseling with him he to me got real weird as he began to say different good things about me in sentences where they normally would not belong, and I told him what was up with him, and that the counselor would think I had made everything up, that why on earth were we there in the first place, if that is how he talked about me. He said he had thought and knew I was right, that he had taken lots of things for granted, that he had complained about me. He would too and this was so ridiculous say that I had everything he wanted and more, and he couldn't believe he was now loosing me, because of how he had been. I think before too we had been caught in a loop where we connected through our humor and I had back then enough of a good self esteem to make fun of myself lots of times, laugh at myself, and so then would he, about me, but he wouldn't know until it was too late, when I was hurt, that he had gone too far with his jokes about me. He came from a home very restricted on giving complements. He would show his love instead by doing things for me, but not saying anything. he also had a narc-parent and he resented all the stuff that came out of that mouth as he knew it had no substance to it and he sort of looked like compliments like that, like part of manipulation tricks. Things he would do for me, and plan to do for me, and our family, that was of substance, he thought. But I too needed to hear it, not just negative stuff, so I think to try to figure out what kind of language do someone else speak, how they show their love but also how they do not show it, and why that is to get a better understanding of who you are dealing with basically is important, who's in front of you, and that you get a better reading if you put yourself aside, your own feelings and needs, and hurt or what it now is, or else you might mis-read someone.

[thespiritual1]

I can relate with u spiritualmountain. At the start of 22, i contacted 3 friends in my city and offered them to eat out with me. They were busy so they refused. After that i thought i should wait for them to contact me but half an year has passed, yet no one has contacted me. i realize that if i do not contact them, maybe they will not contact me forever. This is a sad thing to realize. But i dont hate them or find faults with me. this is just a new situation life has presented me. i will continue alone, and enjoy my own company. i know that sooner or later i will have plenty of good company.

[lostsoul13]

Try using it as positive energy- to grow- bite the bullet so to speak, moving in with my mother will see me having to face my transition at a cost to other family members… they don’t mean that much but blood can boil and accidents can happen—- I hope it doesn’t escalate to that-