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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #1  
Old 21-09-2017, 01:39 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Is 'Being Yourself' Selfish?

We have heard it so many times 'just be yourself' but often those who advise us to be like that, don't like the 'self' that we are and forever try and get us to change it.

We are advised to speak from our heart, but then we are accused of being too much 'me-centred' too 'selfish' or expressing our own feelings, needs and desires as if no care is given to those of another when that is not necessarily the case.

So, what if 'being yourself' means to be those things many others may find distasteful, inappropriate or conflict with their beliefs and opinions, yet you are totally happy being who you are?

Are you doomed to wander the earth existentially alone because being who/what you truly are puts you at direct odds with the majority? or do you become who you are not simply to please others and put on a mask so that you are otherwise accepted into society?

I'd love to read replies on this matter. Thank you.
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  #2  
Old 21-09-2017, 01:48 AM
Gracey
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Be you......................no masks.
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  #3  
Old 21-09-2017, 01:55 AM
Lucky 1 Lucky 1 is offline
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Well....this might be....or perhaps absolutely will be taken as ego-centric. ......but it is also thoroughly and completely me.....as Popeye said....."I am who I am"

I've have gotten to a point in my life that I have both the money and time to go where I want to go....and do what I want to do.....when I want to do it......and I run my life and my business to suit myself.....and any body that doesn't like it can go to hell!!!

That's the real me!!!!

As a side to that...my friends and my family know that I'm a man of my word....they know they can always count on me.....that I say what I mean...and mean what I say..

Call me the alpha male business owner....but there's not much grey area with me.....

I like myself just fine......and my 10 year old grandson thinks I'm the best! .....and that's good enough for me....
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  #4  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:01 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Thank you Gracey, but how do we cope with others who don't like who we are inside? Do we simply ignore them? Do we find out what it is about ourselves others don't like and change it to become more 'likeable'? Who sets the standards of social acceptability as some kind of 'grand design' into which we all must fit?

Many say that I am arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, not 'mindful' enough, too intimidating, too intolerant...on and on it goes...but this is who I am!

I'm happy being this way, but I am unhappy that others have problem with me being this way, and to change it, means changing myself for others and not for myself just so I can fit in somewhere, when I stand out like a shag on a rock anyway.
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  #5  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:06 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky 1
Well....this might be....or perhaps absolutely will be taken as ego-centric. ......but it is also thoroughly and completely me.....as Popeye said....."I am who I am"

I've have gotten to a point in my life that I have both the money and time to go where I want to go....and do what I want to do.....when I want to do it......and I run my life and my business to suit myself.....and any body that doesn't like it can go to hell!!!

That's the real me!!!!

As a side to that...my friends and my family know that I'm a man of my word....they know they can always count on me.....that I say what I mean...and mean what I say..

Call me the alpha male business owner....but there's not much grey area with me.....

I like myself just fine......and my 10 year old grandson thinks I'm the best! .....and that's good enough for me....
Yes, being 'self-made' and having a lot of money gives one the entitlement to be who they are and do whatever they want because they can always flaunt it and say "my attitude made me rich...oh look, you poor bugger...what's your attitude done for you?"

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury.
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I am the creator of my own reality, so please don't get offended if I refuse to allow you to be the creator of it instead of focusing on creating your own. Thanks.
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  #6  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:28 AM
baro-san baro-san is offline
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"Be yourself!" means don't imitate or follow others' advice blindly! This is an advice given in a specific context. Common sense tells that there are people and situations when that's a bad idea, and the advice should be "Don't be yourself ... !". The trick is to be discerning, as always in life.
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Old 21-09-2017, 02:38 AM
SaturninePluto SaturninePluto is offline
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My favorite movie quote of all time comes to mind here. "People don't much like me, and I don't much like them".

For whatever reason this thread reminded me of it. It is essentially how I feel. Honest truth is people don't like me much. I spent years wondering why. I've spent time trying to change what others don't like. Time trying to figure out exactly what it is they don't like so I can change it.

What I found is I wanted to be liked, but I thought that was a normal and natural feeling.

Truth be told I don't care anymore. There are plenty of people I don't much like in all honesty.

I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. I am constantly told by my very family that I only think about myself.

I do not even want to get into what I do for these people.

Point is despite knowing them all my life, their lives, and that they are family truth be told they don't have a semblance of a clue who I actually am. I feel it may be like this for many people. People only know us as much as the time they take to get to know us A and as much as we ourselves are willing to reveal B.

I don't fully know or understand any of them either.

What I know for certain is I know myself.

Why would I care to be anyone or anything but?
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  #8  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:38 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baro-san
"Be yourself!" means don't imitate or follow others' advice blindly! This is an advice given in a specific context. Common sense tells that there are people and situations when that's a bad idea, and the advice should be "Don't be yourself ... !". The trick is to be discerning, as always in life.
Then again, if you are not 'being yourself' who are you being?

Maybe the distinction should be made here between 'being yourself' and 'being true to yourself'.

For me (with a blocked Throat Chakra due to all this) it's all about freedom of being...freedom of expression, which I'm always at odds with when it comes to other people.

Yes, I can fully accept myself and love myself for who I am and it's a real shame others cannot, but whose problem is that?

Whenever I say 'that is their problem, not mine' it only reinforces my self-imposed seclusion and secular lifestyle.
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  #9  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:46 AM
Snow Goose Snow Goose is offline
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I think we will always come across people we like and some we don't like. It's just the way it is, if you try and please everyone you are going to make yourself very unhappy.
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  #10  
Old 21-09-2017, 02:48 AM
Gracey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Necromancer
Thank you Gracey, but how do we cope with others who don't like who we are inside? Do we simply ignore them? Do we find out what it is about ourselves others don't like and change it to become more 'likeable'? Who sets the standards of social acceptability as some kind of 'grand design' into which we all must fit?

Many say that I am arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, not 'mindful' enough, too intimidating, too intolerant...on and on it goes...but this is who I am!

I'm happy being this way, but I am unhappy that others have problem with me being this way, and to change it, means changing myself for others and not for myself just so I can fit in somewhere, when I stand out like a shag on a rock anyway.

I spent many years of my life being hated by society for being a red head who didn't fit in with others. Daily I experienced hatred from the people in my environment. I spent many many years alone. It was rough not being part of the crowd, or even having one friend, but ya know what, being alone taught me to be me. to learn my own likes and dislikes, not to be led by the nose of others. Through that and other challenges in my adulthood, where people tried to convince me that i needed to change who i am, I learned that I do not need to look to others for acceptance. I learned to accept my own self. i am detached from the opinions of others, their opinions reveal who they are, not who i am. so, you are arrogant and stuff. so what, be you anyways. it is who you are right now and there is nothing wrong with being you in all your honesty. if you feel you need to change something, then you will.

my ex finance who died was an arrogant, loud mouth guy. not many people liked him, but they didn't know him. they only saw what offended them so they could fuel their own hatred. know what i mean.

you will eventually come across people who accept you for who you are and those will be the people who accepts themselves for who they are.....

you wanting people to like you for who you are shows that you care about them, and that is a good thing. those who like and love you will see that.
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