How to come back from a bad Ouija Experience

My past:

I will try to keep this as summarized as possible, as that it is over 20 years of history.

I was introduced to using a Ouija board with friends in my mid-adolescence. The initial conversations were more or less nonsense, until we came in regular contact with a male spirit who claimed to be a dead prisoner of sorts. We became somewhat “addicted” to the conversation, and keep it up regularly.

I moved residences, and decided to use the board by myself. At first the conversation was slow, but in time it picked up.

There then came a point I didn’t even need the board, although I still used it on and off. There was a virtual board in my mind’s eye and I could “read” (the term that was given to me in my head) without the board.

Of course, the conversation became an overwhelming and destructive force in my life; the preoccupation, the seclusion – family and friends thought I had gone crazy. I lost a lot of people and, even scarier still, lost myself.

It was no really longer fun, but I didn’t feel I had a choice in the matter any longer. The conversation would often turn hateful and scary. I was having violent nightmares, frequent episodes of astral catalepsy, my animals were harassed and terrorized, and I had the sensation of being constantly watched. As a teenager, I’m sure one can understand how horrifying this truly was - I would only change clothes, shower, or otherwise use the bathroom in the pitch black.

Anyhow, it took me almost ten years to come back from this negative attachment, and it has been a long and difficult road. I’ve finally learned how to assert my rights to be contacted, at least as far as that particular entity was concerned, and cease “cut the cord” to this particular situation.

My current situation:

Although I have closed myself off from that past situation and spiritual communication in general, I still remain sensitive to spiritual presences, although, I admit, I still try to block them out.

I sense there is a male spirit in my current residence, whom I believe is quite confused. I would like to help him or be of help, but I have built a spiritual wall around me the size of Fort Knox.

I’m not sure if it was this particular spirit, but several years ago I awoke to a male for at my bedside (I was heavily pregnant at the time, and needed my own space to sleep, so I slept in another room separate from hubby) one night. Thinking it was my husband, I cocked my head to one side, and was about to ask “What’s the matter?” because the form was just looking over me and saying nothing, when the form evaporated before my eyes. This happened as I was waking up from a dream and, after the form dissolved, I sensed it was a spirit making sure I got back ‘home’ safely. I felt only comforted by the apparition, which actually was the first time in my LIFE I’ve had a clearly positive experience.

Words really cannot tell what a long, horrible, and emotionally tortuous road it was to come back from that Ouija board incident. There are many details I had left out to not make this post any more overwhelming, but I have something of a PTSD from it.

I understand that the negativity comes from within, but, frankly – I’m still largely paralyzed by the fear of a spirit attaching to me. I feel I have to put up the iron-clad protections and seal off ALL spirits to be safe, but, at the same time, I feel I am denying myself access to piece of myself.

Any words of wisdom? Recommendations on how to proceed? Even many years later and ultimately victorious, I find it difficult to move past the fear from the past.