Unconditional Love?

[MysticalShaman]

Our natural state is unconditional love - like dog or children have.

We learn to build barriers and walls up as we get older.

The whole point of the twin flame journey is to break down those barriers and be open to unconditional love again, for ourselves, our world and everything else.

I’ve had a lot of issues with this.

On a personal level I’ve struggled with self love.
I’ve struggled with loving men as men hurt me in my past.
I struggled with loving people (as in the general public) because I believed most of the general public are stupid/mean/dumb but not me (how arrogant!?)
I struggled with loving the people in particular who disagreed with me.
The people I perceived as evil.
The people who hurt me
And the people I didn’t like for no good reason.

I thought I overcame all of that.
I thought I did.

Loving men has helped me overcome the pain of those who hurt me, and helped me build trust.
My current partner has helped me heal in so many ways.
Loving myself has been a never ending journey but I’m getting there.
I still think a lot of people are dumb (but this is still pretty arrogant of me, and I know how dumb I can be too), but I believe they can’t help it and it doesn’t make me feel less love for them
I struggle with the concept of loving criminals and sex offenders. But I know they deserve compassion.
I struggle with loving people I don’t like.

I know at my core, and the above of it all I love all of these elements unconditionally but it’s hard to feel that down here.

When it comes to the twin thing, how can you love unconditionally when they cause so much hurt or pain? I mean, I know you can, but a lot of that can lead to pining which hurts us more (and sometimes I don’t think that is even unconditional love because it’s more “ill love you because it proves were special” it’s kinda conditional.... is it more loving to both of us if one hurts and the other responds with “**** off?” Because that way you are being real about the situation? It’s more concrete to acknowledge the pain caused - it’s more kind to rip that bandaid...then to go “oh he hurt me but I know he didn’t mean it” and create a fairytale for you to believe in, one that doesn’t end, keeping us suspended in this chamber of non-growth and distraction...


I guess what I’m trying to say is, how do you separate unconditional love from being a doormat? I feel like a lot of people thin that’s what unconditional love it? And is it?

If loving unconditionally causes you to have to go above and beyond, to always step up and be the bigger bean, to always forgive and make right....is it really unconditional or is better if you walked away?

[FallingLeaves]

it is more like, being accepting. Accepting them even though they choose a life you personally wouldn't agree with. And accepting them as they are even though you might want to wish they were other than they are. And maybe even accepting them even if you think they are somehow dangerous to you.

at least that is the way i find it; i seem to have to get over my fear of what will happen if they get to be the way they seem to want to be and just accept them as they are.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by MysticalShaman

...
I guess what I’m trying to say is, how do you separate unconditional love from being a doormat? ...

Do what your inner-knowledge tells you to do. Don't rely on slogans, or even on what works for others. Don't lie to yourself.

By the way, In your profile you wrote "The reason I can't lose that little bitta weight around my belly no matter how hard I work is down to my personal insecurities and lack of confidence."

No, you're overweight because your intake of calories is larger than your body's expenditure of calories. Reduce the calorie intake, and you'll start losing weight. Your insecurities and lack of confidence can be bypassed by choosing foods and drinks that have less calories. You can't lose weight overnight, as you didn't put it on overnight. But, a weight loss of 2-3 pounds (1-1.5 Kg) per week is healthy and doable (1,000 calories less a day). If you can't, then lose less: 1 pound, half a pound per week. It adds up, and your insecurities and lack of confidence diminish too. I did it myself, many years ago, and held my normal weight from then. Good luck!

[Rah nam]

try to grasp the term: unconditional , first.

[inavalan]

I believe that "unconditional love" is an unrealistic concept, a misguided belief. This is probably unpopular on a "spiritual" forum ...

[Rah nam]

At least within this reality.
In my understanding those incarnating on the next level, coming up soon, I hope, will have the ability to learn to understand the unconditionality of love.
Once they fully understand and implement this understanding, they will move one.

[RedEmbers]

You can love someone and still have personal boundaries, needs and desires, all while allowing others to have and express the same.

Too often "unconditional love" seems to come with an unhealthy dose of self abandonment where one sacrifices self for "other"... from what I have witnessed on these forums and in life, parenting and relationships in the world.

Think it is different what we all really read into the word unconditional. Your love for someone can change, but still be there. I have had one experience where I fell out of love, pain and fear did that perhaps, and that it was a situation that was not in my control, I had no control over it. He and I had that talk, when I said to him I was no longer in love. He said to him there was no difference, if he loved someone he loved someone, and to give it more time. I've always loved him but not the same over time. It is still there, steady, I think we are soulmates and we have loved each other in other previous reincarnations. Love just is. But it isn't always our time. We go through things, we change. Sometimes I think love is still there but we don't dare to acknoledge it, to feel it. Ourselves as spirits - then we're safe, then nothing can hurt us, then we are in our right element, then we can feel all the love and know the bigger picture. Here, as humans, we have limited view. We have to, just like the animlas, survive. We have to get by, physically, mentally. You can still love someone but think what you are doing to me or what you are doing to yourself is hurtful and damaging and I have to have a wall of protection. I don't see, I guess, unconditional love as in being a doormat, but I get what you mean by that thought alone. I see it more as love will survive no matter the conditions even if you are with or if you are without the person you love. The conditions of the love can too change. We've reincarnated as parents, children, siblings, lovers, friends, co-workers and so on and so on. The love take different shapes, but it is still there, it is unconditional. That is how I see it.

[MysticalShaman]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Do what your inner-knowledge tells you to do. Don't rely on slogans, or even on what works for others. Don't lie to yourself.

By the way, In your profile you wrote "The reason I can't lose that little bitta weight around my belly no matter how hard I work is down to my personal insecurities and lack of confidence."

No, you're overweight because your intake of calories is larger than your body's expenditure of calories. Reduce the calorie intake, and you'll start losing weight. Your insecurities and lack of confidence can be bypassed by choosing foods and drinks that have less calories. You can't lose weight overnight, as you didn't put it on overnight. But, a weight loss of 2-3 pounds (1-1.5 Kg) per week is healthy and doable (1,000 calories less a day). If you can't, then lose less: 1 pound, half a pound per week. It adds up, and your insecurities and lack of confidence diminish too. I did it myself, many years ago, and held my normal weight from then. Good luck!

Thanks, I didn’t even know I had that written, I joined this site many years ago and when I joined I had disordered eating - I was never overweight! I was just dealing with body dysmorphia, now I’ve overcome that but I am also doing a personal training course, and have been working out for over 10 years :L I appreciate the advice and it’s good for people to know, but I should really update my profile

[MysticalShaman]

Originally Posted by Rah nam

try to grasp the term: unconditional , first.

I know, but that’s just it... I think what a lot of people think of as unconditional love is actually conditional love... I would have thought of unconditional as the obvious- and it’s not a romantic love. It’s non attached love. It’s the love you feel for the sun, and for the plants and animals. It’s the love you feel for life itself.

But sometimes it’s hard to find that love for those we don’t agree with. Or those who hurt people. I know it’s there, but I also know it’s buried under a lot of other stuff...do you get me?