Soul's rejection of an incarnation

[Lughente]

Hey people, I have a question about a serious matter which has haunted me for a long time. This has led me to make an account on this forum.

Is it possible for an individual soul to be aloof and disconnected due to an emotional rejection to its present incarnation?

I perceive that my own soul suffers from such a condition.

A little bit about myself. Since a young age I have been inclined towards spiritual topics, deeper philosophical questions, esotericism and paranormal phenomena. I have also displayed certain artistic and intellectual talents. I am an "old soul". However, not only have I suffered from an autistic spectrum disorder and much social maladjustment but have also had a hard time translating my talents into tangible projects. To tell you the truth, I have always hated this present incarnation. I find myself excessively impaired by my autistic condition which has often pushed me into dispair and depression. On top of that, I have always despised the culture into which I was born perceiving it as totally opposed to the nature of my soul. This aversion (in reality oikophobia) reaches an extreme pathological level. I have always perceived this present incarnation as torture despite being a positive person who values self-improvement and creativity.

Last year I had an encounter with two shamans at a spiritual retreat. One in particular told me that he perceived that my true being or essence wasn't correctly connected to my material body and that my spoken words didn't convey much meaning on a deeper level despite the fact that I speak with good pronunciation and grammar. This is how he explained it to me. Of course, many people would be annoyed by such a statement and, in all sincerity, I began to feel frustrated with this guy, but I knew deep down that what he was saying was true. I have always found myself isolated and disconnected from others, often almost invisible, as though I don't have much of a presence. Previously I had generally attributed this to my autistic condition, but since that encounter I began to ask myself whether there is a deeper abnormality at the level of the soul that may contribute to these problems.

I have come to theorize that my soul behaves in a way that is distant and disconnected because it feels a sense of rejection towards this present incarnation. If I am honest, I don't really want to be here and I don't think that I ever did. I suspect that I reluctantly accepted an incarnation that I didn't really want to accept for whatever reason. And for this reason my soul is traumatized and unable to connect fully to this reality!