Fear of handing out empowerment and issues with lending some true help

[CosmicWonder]

Hii,

I feel there is a reoccurring problem in my past life and my current life. And I wanted to vent it. However sharing thoughts is welcome.

It is when I reach a state of empowerment. I have figured out the way, and things seem to be in my control. Or at least as far as that goes. Then I try to lend a hand to my environment, to improve the overall situation. I usually try to make people capable of making change for the better or give them the control over their life they need.

Then they abuse it. Ill intended actions is what followed and ill minded and traumatizing power abuse. They didn’t care as much about others as I did, and now I have created a monster that won’t easily go.

Next up is a few years or if I’m lucky months or really lucky only a few weeks of going through the garbage they produce. I’m basically mistreated and bullied in ways. And so are others.

Can’t people just be respectful or caring? What is wrong? I must say, I’m not a saint. But making people go through that, while the empowerment is thanks to the grace of (what I can observe) is randomness and pure luck… it’s awful.

However there’s another side to this. That is that I become a rather good person every time it happens. And huge lessons. I get fine tuned so much… it doesn’t solve my own suffering at all. But it does bring something even better to the world eventually, and that is an even better me. At the cost of a (temporary) empowered ill intended person. And not sure about others around me, but I hope they learn for the better as well. Even if it’s small steps.

Anyway, that’s my story for today.

Much kindness,

Cosmic Wonder

[CosmicWonder]

I was caught up in this. Now having processed it better, it looks different. More distant. Not less big tho. Just not sure how to view the memories now

Hi Cosmic Wonder!

Don't feel bad about it, everyone is responsible for their own actions. Could be those on top don't have the same pressure as the bosses crowded in the middle with pressure coming from the top and under causing them more stress, and you know how we all get under stress, not very nice.

There are lots of psychopaths and narcissists who seek and get jobs with power as someone else who is more kind find it difficult to make those tough decisions, don't even seek it. However, it could be just those others who would be perfect for the job.

In the end you know you acted out of ignorance, not knowing what that person or people would do once they were in a position of power, you only thought the best would come out of it. It would be different if you knew and still did it - gave them power. So give yourself a break, LOL.

I'm glad you have some distance to it now, and that you feel better about yourself.

As for me I have this ridiculous fear of social media and having my names on things. It is the result after coming out of a failed relationship with a psychopath- a very long time ago, I might add (embarrasing...). I'm gonna save this forum from all the stuff he did while and after coming out of the relationship, haven't written half of it. I know if he would have wanted contact with me he would find me, but still - it is just that with me - social media and other people, especially his or our people back then that he filled up with stories, lies, to contact me. He knew I did not want any contact with him and so he did it through them instead.

He was someone born into power and wanted power.

This guy could only function on the surface, so "love" for him was attraction, he only had then attraction for me, on the surface and it was over superficial reasons. He could not go deeper like normal minded people naturally do sooner or later, he wasn't real like that. Attraction is as close as I could describe the word even if I don't think that is attraction how a normal person sees, feels it. He would copy cat beautiful words spoken by real men but it was as if lines from a movie, they weren't real. There are those who like to live life and have relationships superficial and it is better then they find each other and stop taken advantage of others for their own sick gains.

I ended up with panic attacks when coming out of the relationship, never had those before. All that fear bottled up from the mental abuse that came to surface once I was able to get away, if only just a little bit, before I had arranged for a better plan.

I would not have known he was a psychopath if I had not seen a psychiatrist, I was worried of my state of mind, of what was happening to me. Turns out it wasn't me, I was only a victim of mental abuse. It's important to get help in these kind of situations.

I also went "no contact"- technique regarding him and his/our/what I thought were mine, LOL-people. This to not trigger, feed what he was up to.

My one and only mistake was years after the break up after having gone no contact that I met someone for only few hours from our old group and even if I had specifically asked that he would not be around and he was not - still after that - the whole circus began again, as if it had just been yesterday. I could not believe it. So I think that is too where my fear originates from. So that plus with the no-contact I never got it out of my system what I really thought about him and what he had done. But it was better that way, I know. Just to be free from him and his allies.

Once I began to listen to the voice within I again found my strenght and clarity, focus. The others were still caught in the fog. But I was out. And it was a great feeling.

I am sure those attracted to power for the wrong reasons, if let's say a woman who held on tight to those material things would have stayed longer with someone like him. Could too be she would not be into materialism but simply be in a vulnerable financial situation or worst part ever - be connected through a child or children. But those material and "power" things did nothing for me. Had not worked before. Was not working under. And definitely not after. And I set myself free.

Just know it is not your fault that this has happened.I'm happy you feel you have grown from it. Maybe that is what the lesson is about, that you are there to help those in need from being badly treated? And as soon as you figured it out you started doing that?

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks asearcher!

Tough story. Good you’re better now. Good that you’re opening up about it.

Much kindness,

Cosmic Wonder

[lostsoul13]

To keep a state of nirvana one must have empowering consumption...to lose your power is a terrible thing- things like meditation and strength building help, while exercising the empowerment so you don’t lose it in a situation- affirming your ‘I am’.. these little by little give us the confidence to keep our power in unhealthy situations...including exercise... strength training give us - a little exchange in the embarrassment of lacking a hedge fund of the fundamental... you don’t have to be a weight trainer but a little of the consuming is possible in maintaining a balance...


At first with my twin flame, I thought of the gross account of actual that - I was empowered, but needed to be empowered on the self, I had A fear in being male , naturally having more weight to put around that it would lead to some unbalance: the way it manifest, none can be assured but surely bit by bit it’s come together-I was in fear of handing empowerment issues with a solo account, alone - I’ve really worked on my I am... as a wonder...it’s helped tremendously..

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

Thanks asearcher!
Tough story. Good you’re better now. Good that you’re opening up about it.

Thanks Cosmic Wonder. I don't know if the people you gave power were narcissists or psychopaths, you could read up about it and see if they fit?

If so definitely not your fault, just how they are wired, could be a genetic code gone wrong or something happened during childhood that was inversible. They fool a lot of people and they don't suffer by any means. They "just" make others suffer.

I have now edited my reply because I apparently did it again - wrote another book, LOL. My points were pretty much that not all psychopaths or narcissists have a criminal record or stick out in any way at first sight if one would think that. Lots of them sit on position of power and it can go generations back. They seek to power. To be in charge.

With my psychopath what could identify him once I got to know him was that most emotions were in his eyes and his lips but the rest of the face was like a mask. The eyes were hot or cold. He was seen to others as charming and having a sense of humor.

He could come off as intelligent and an introvert but alongside this it was as if he was watching people as if he was on the outside and in a kind of superior sort of way (this part is kind of difficult to explain). He was a master at getting people to do what he wanted and before they knew it he had tricked them.

Some new memories I have that has been added over time now that I am remembering is that I became afraid of other's safety. It would be if someone had insulted him. If I knew someone or had been contacted by someone. When he was not in control. I felt empathy for these people and I got scared. He would not be satisfied bring the subject up one time. He would do so again and again over time. I have not understood that til now. If so I understand now why my fear has been so strong as I hate the thought of other people ending up in trouble. It wasn't so much then that I would be in trouble, but they would. I had seen the way he got when someone insulted him.

Another thing was if it was an emotional story he lacked this expression in his face and he would talk in a matter of a fact kind of way. Not be emotional.

I knew he could ever so slightly appear nervous about an upcoming perhaps dangerous situation, but that was it. I never saw him scared. They don't have that - fear.

He would be easily bored.

I have not revealed everything I remember as I don't want to end up in trouble because of it. But perhaps something I have written here could be of help to you if this is the kind of people you have met in these types of situations.

So now I realize that my phoibia, fear, is not just him using others to contact me, but too that someone could be in danger because of me, even if I had not done anything. I tried to protect them best I could. He tried to pressure me. I was careful. It was also a proof of how his mind worked, as mine did not work like that at all.

(It's pretty scary to me as I realize this way of being in control and controling me and controling others is a crazy theme reaccuring in my life and I am not at all about controling).

Anyways, there are lots of info out there of these kind of individuals, female, male, don't matter.

Thank you for your kind words.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

I usually try to make people capable of making change for the better or give them the control over their life they need. ...Then they abuse it. ...I’m basically mistreated and bullied in ways. And so are others....Can’t people just be respectful or caring? What is wrong?

This is basic human nature. We expect others to share our values and we are surprised when we discover that they don't.

What you are doing may be helpful for you, as you grow through helping others. At the same time, something obviously isn't working as you end up feeling mistreated.

One option may be to continue doing what you are doing but without any expectation of how others will use what you are giving. If they benefit then that is great, if they misuse it then that is their business. Don't make it your problem.

Another option may be to use greater discrimination regarding whom you help. Perhaps there is a lesson for you in deciding who will genuinely benefit from your help and focus on them.

An actual example would be helpful to illustrate what you are describing.

Peace

Hi, I'm back with a link of an article that focus on psychopaths at work. Then again I too feel a bit in the dark as I don't know exactly if this was/is the kind of things you have been dealing with but you don't have to say of course if you don't wanna, just hoping maybe this article could be of some help to you.

https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2016/10/h...h-psychopaths/

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks asearcher… yes, after reading the article I conclude it is what I dealt with.

Thanks for your advice IamThat. I decide to not give any examples, as it might be putting me in a bad position later on. Much kindness to both of you.

Cosmic Wonder

You're welcome, just happy you're feeling better about the whole thing, these types are known to cause confusion and instability so it's good to know such type's defects in case they show up in the future as well in some form =)