Is this more than just me being stuck in my own head?

[AshWilliams]

I was stuck in a very abusive marriage for eight years - almost all of my 20's - I got me and my daughter out - got back up on my feet and decided to take a break from any kind of relationship. I focused on just me and my kid, I lost a little over 100 lbs and I'm still going. I waited till I was healthy mentally and physically and after 4 years I was ready to get back out there.

Dating kinda sucked. All the guys I kept running into were childish and still living like they were highschool. I gave up for a while. Decided to give it one more go and met someone. We clicked right away, we had a lot of similar interests and it felt like I was reuniting with an old friend. I even considered the possibility that we knew each other in a past life and we were just picking up where we left off.

Things went kinda quick but any sense of time just flew out the window. It was awesome....till two weeks ago.

We both have dogs, he takes his to training and he wanted me to come along. I was there every week - till one Friday I had to work really late. Missed that one, came back the next week and the dog trainer had a trainee. Didn't think anything of it till I noticed that they were both acting really weird. She kept giving me looks, my boyfriend wasn't talking to me. Still - I chalked it up to some kind of insecurities. Abusive marriage, past trauma, whole lot of stuff I didn't want to project onto him. He finished the night with giving me a box turtle and everything for it.

The next weekend (last weekend) gotta work late again. He came over afterwards and stayed the weekend, like he has been for a while now. Sunday he had to work but something just seemed weird that day. He asked me to remember to change the turtles water, which confused me because I always do - several times a day actually - but I just said okay. He came back from work and he just seemed agitated. He said it was because his dog wasn't eating. The dog has major anxiety and attachment issues, usually keeping me up all night trying to move between us, occasionally growing at me....yeah.

I told him maybe this was an emotional thing. This is my turf, my dog doesn't act that way and he doesn't have free reign to do whatever he wants.

He was still super edgy and overly worried about the dog. He started hand feeding him and the dog ate....but only out of his hand... I pointed out that there were giant poops all over my yard...fresh ones, sooooo the dog WAS eating and digesting. I was outside smoking, watching the moon, when he came out and sat on a chair. I asked if he was okay and he said he was still worried about the dog not eating...I went inside because it seemed like he wanted space.

The next morning, gotta get my kid ready, get out the door, get her to her grandma and still make it to work on time. Was really hectic. He seemed fine.

About to walk into work aaaaand I get a text. He says that he felt so alone last night and this morning, all he wanted was a hug and comfort because he was worried about the dog. Then he said that he had asked me to feed him a can of wet food while he was at work. That I hadn't done that. He was disappointed.

I told him he didn't tell me to do that, he told me to water the turtle and if he had asked me to do that, I didn't hear him or I would have.

I'm super annoyed by that point because it was all weekend with him worrying about the dog aaaand I was trying to focus of just doing my job.

He didn't really acknowledge that I didn't purposely starve the dog....from wet food. So it just started escalating. I'm a Maid and I go into people houses to clean them....so he worked me up, worked me up and I'm just trying to keep calm so I don't lose my mind in front of a client.... he was just whining at that point.

I asked if the dog was eating now that he was back home (he lives with his parents) he said that yes the dog was eating fine. So I suggested that the dog stay there from now on and if neither could handle being parted that maybe he should stay there with the dog too.

He said that wouldn't be necessary. I snapped and reminded him that I am a single mother and I have enough stresses on my plate than to be worked up over stuff like this. Then it all came out like a flood gate - I don't get to sleep on the weekends because the Dane/Lab MUST sleep in my FULL sized bed with us- It's hard to do grocery shopping on Sundays because I have to babysit the dog - now I didn't baby the dog enough and I'm some horrible person.

He said I was making all of this about me. And this wasn't about me. He just needed support because he had been worried about the dog.

I told him to come get the turtle and all his stuff because we were over. Then he changed his tune. Said he would leave me alone and we could talk about it after work.

We "worked" it out but I still can't shake this weird feeling. Then to top it off I remembered the dog trainer chick and now my brain is in over drive... Do you think it's possible that's where all this "omg, you evil witch, my poor puppy" is coming from....or am I just reaching?

[Traveler]

I think that your boyfriend was flirting with the trainee when you were at work and I think you need to break up with him.

[ameliorate]

Welcome to this forum.

I agree with Traveler.

If you are accurately describing your situation, then it seems to have gone awry since meeting that trainee. Something not right there with you describing her looks to you PLUS your boyfriend not talking to you! I would suspect something is going on.

Not sure everything in his behaviour is down to her putting thoughts in his head i.e. it could also be his way of slowly cutting loose.

Clearly he is not the person you thought he was or has changed.

At least you enjoyed some good times.

Kudos to you for getting out of that abusive relationship and getting yourself physically and mentally together. �� That's tremendous! You are now in a better position to find someone more suited to you....maybe be a bit more wary before getting in too deep too quickly though?

[lostsoul13]

Maybe an excuse to get closer to you. .. saying that he wanted a hug..ect

I don't understand a person who text instead of just calling or seeing you afterwards in that kind of situation, I would hate that. Like a little boy he is. Coward of him to just text you like that when he did. In my past I simply don't answer some texts, not worthy of it or my time. When he knows you are busy and stressed out. Is it not his dog? Not his responsibility? And somehow you get the blame for it when you are a parent as well and have work to do? Who does he think you are? Ace Ventura? Keep dropping animals at your house for you to take care of?

I think he has to grow up instead of laying his responsibilty for a dog he cant handle on everyone else and then play the victim-card on top of it all. Can you imagine him as a step dad or a biological dad? After all you have been through - do you really need a boy or do you need a real man? I think you were/are spot on with your instincts and how you reacted. I can understand your confusion, hurt and anger, though about his behavoir.

What ever has or has not been going on with that other female he should not have exposed you to it, he should know better. One thing is her behavoir, that he can't help, but he can help his own. I've seen others flirt with my partner/s and never had to feel what you felt and that was because the guys knew how to act right in that kind of situation/s in respect to you and a self-respect for themselves and without being rude to the female, unless it was called for. Even had their exes too around the guys and me, and it made no difference what so ever - the guys knew how to act right. One should not have to tell a dude that at all. Just to watch them with their free will to see what kind of man he is.

It's better it came out now ,so early, his right colors, than later. Sorry for your pain.