Having trouble on my path because of habits.

[Baile]

I want in on the Beeb love...

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Baile

Hey you're one of the Beebs in the double-Beeb pic.

LOL Yes, that is me in the picture with Lumen, Baile

Originally Posted by Baile

I want in on the Beeb love...

Beeb love is sacred between beebs but I'm glad you can feel it lol. Your comments are making me laugh

Originally Posted by Lumen

Hello everyone.

I started learning about spirituality about 6 months ago mainly because I had major anxiety and I had a massive panic attack that literally made me bed ridden until about a month ago, so I started changing my lifestyle and getting into meditating and working on the mind etc.

Sounds like you've made a great, determined start. But don't expect to get too far in just 6 months. Your path is your lifetime and you'll gradually take on a more spiritual ethos.

I watched some videos on youtube about the universe and it's illusory nature and about the mind and it's also illusory nature and I started feeling like my whole perception of reality was shifting such that "normal life" was some concept and that I started feeling like life itself, as opposed to a person trying to figure out what I was supposed to do.

It's easy talking about the illusory nature of the universe, even easier to get caught up in philosophical difficulties such as 'what is reality?' Main thing is to realise that reality is made within you by your perceptions and it usually concerns what your senses receive that's enduring (for some time at least). You look out of your window and see the same basic scene enduring. It may change slightly but you can accommodate that. If it changes drastically then you believe the change will endure (or be within your comprehension if it changes gradually).
The things you have to reckon with are illusion about the way society works, trying to drive your life for you with its ads and distractions; - and delusion: things you believe about yourself that may not be the way others find you (just to keep it simple) and you need to find a more natural self.

In the past year I have stopped smoking cannabis, drinking alcohol, watching porn, masturbating, eating junk food, watching TV and movies, listening to 90% of music genres and now I am on day 2 of quitting my favourite past time, playing video games.

Its good not to try too much all at once. Your path will entail changing a few habits, some of attitude, some of actions. Changing habits needs self-discipline as you're finding out. You can train yourself to be better disciplined. There are various ways, They'll involve patience and frustration. LOL, it doesn't mean flagellating yourself or wearing the hair shirt but it just takes persistence and practice. I had several bad habits to get rid of when I became freelance - smoking, recreational spending and a few others. Concentration through meditation is a good start.

More specifically, playing first person shooter video games like battlefield, which for those of you who don't know is essentially an online virtual warzone lol.

I stopped doing all these things because I felt like they are getting in the way of my spirituality and happiness.

They probably are but it depends - do you think such activities enhance your life in any spiritual way - or have they been distractions from thinking about your self, what/how you'd like to be? You've recognised a problem - reduced happiness, anxiety etc. They are no good way to be.

But...the games could enhance, if you feel you need to be more assertive and competitive and they help you with that. Yet the world's about people and competitive sports would be a better bet.

I stopped watching porn because I found out it is sort of a form of addiction and can mess with your mind. Like it desensitizes you to sex and it creates a cycle of getting adjusted to the current porn your watching so you have to watch crazier and crazier porn to get a kick and that leads to problems. Plus I know that pleasure isn't happiness and porn is just a trap leading me astray from love and happiness by tricking me into being a slave to my ego. Something like that lol

Porn will not do your self-confidence any good, I promise!

This is part of the reason I stopped junk food too. The dopamine thing and as well it is bad for me and I prefer eating good food because it helps with anxiety and generally I just feel better mentally and physically.

Once more, one has to say you've made a great start. Diet is important but most important is getting rid of junk food in favour of more natural foods. Get rid of refined products in due time...refined sugar and white flour products, sweets, white rice. Eat more fruit and steamed vegetables.... but be ready to allow yourself a naughty day at times if the pressure gets too much! It's really about persuasion. Tell yourself often enough you want better health, better shape or whatever and these bad foods are not helping....and gradually your habit will change.

I stopped watching TV because I heard it's bad for the brain. Neuroscientists say that modern life is bad for the brain because most of the activities we do are "excess noise". What they mean is that when we watch TV our brain is processing so much rubbish that our brain doesn't care about, that it burns our brain out. Think of a normal human who lives in nature like a few hundred years ago and the amount of processing their brain has to do vs someone in the modern age who is watching some TV program or movie that is bombarding the brain with all sorts of stuff at high speed. Basically it isn't good for the brain.

Right, people spend too much time being fed biased and propagandised news and plain dross from others' imaginations, often syndicated. It damages people's ability to use their own imagination and DEFINITELY damages their abilities to visualise (in their mind's eyes). Truth is, "television creation" is an industry in itself. Ratings is more usually producers' concerns than quality. It's mainly aimed at the "average person" who slumps on a couch, weary with their day, the time "they" know they can get through to you uncensored, the time a viewer rarely discriminates.

This isn't to say all TV is bad. One has to be selective. Look up the programs in advance. Go for the channels you can trust - or those you can't if you have a critical mind.

So, here is the problem. After cutting all that stuff out in a relatively short space of time, it has made my brain feel like it's a bit dead lol

My current lifestyle is roughly as follows:

I get up, eat, meditate, read books, watch spiritual videos on youtube, spend time with family, go get some fresh air and be outside, then come back in, have my dinner, read some more books, meditate some more, watch some more youtube videos then read some more, meditate and then go to bed.

Like I say, you seem to have made excellent progress in a very short time. As you wean off the way the consumerist, marketeered bombardment to distract you from concentrating on YOU, you're bound to feel a bit numb at first but your path activities will slowly fill the gaps. You may take up constructive interests, appreciate art, music; various things that YOU drive, not have thrust at you.

You don't mention at what you work. If you are unemployed then you face a heck of a task because you'll have a lot of time on your hands. If self-employed, great. You have to think of the future; where the next consignment is coming from etc.

I just feel like there is no joy or bliss and I am doing all this work to become spiritual and kick habits etc and I am wondering if it is even worth it sometimes?

Only you will be able to determine that in time - but 6 months is far too little. Take things more gradually. If you fall back into one of your habits - say, watching porn - don't look on it as failure. Just decide you'll persevere and persuade yourself to do better tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and any help is greatly appreciated. Peace

Like I also say, think about ways you can improve your self discipline - again little by little. Don't expect instant results. Devote 20 minutes a day at exercises that take self-discipline. My own training was looking at the tattwa symbols then closing my eyes and trying to hold the images in my mind's eye for as long as possible. Another is, while sitting very still, trying to still the mind initially by watching/counting breaths. Try to extend your breath span as the days pass, start at roughly 4 seconds in, hold for 4 seconds then 4 seconds out (no pause before you inhale again). When you step it up, chose whether you hold it on inhalation. You don't have to. Thoughts will intrude. Blow them out as grey smoke or something. There are various ways to deal with intrusive thoughts.

Sounds good. Keep us in touch with progress.


...

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Lumen

Aww beeeb

There is nobody in the Universe who I would rather share my thoughts with. I look into your eyes and I look into your soul and I see a stunning purity. This beautiful soul. A caring touch, a righteous one, a trier, a lover, my gorgeous girl who has a heart of gold and the greatest spirit of good will. And for me to look deep within myself and be able to bring some words of wisdom and comfort to you, is the greatest privilege I could have. For you, my babe, are the most deserving person of truth and peace, love and care, respect and allegiance. A great mother, a great healer, a loyal worker to those less fortunate. The girl who makes me laugh and smile, wonder, ponder and most of all love The one who always makes an effort to accept and understand me. To lift me up and spur me on. To be my woman and make me whole. You baby, are my world. I see myself in you and you and I are one. Together we grow. The more you blossom the more I burn, ever brighter. Together we learn. In each others presence, always. Together baby, we will bring the light of love to the world and live our Earthly existence to the fullest. Beebs being beebs in the Universe together forever lol

I'm so glad to have the girl for me. Forever and always, I love you Alicia.

See what I mean? Bestest heart. You're such a babe. I love you. Since we haven't had much time together the past few days, I've been reading this over and over having flash backs to all our spiritual good times. Thinking about the forest. And now we're getting married in the forest!! Whoa. I can't wait to just sit and meditate with you again real soon.

Two beebs bein' beebs by the magical fire place Buddha shrine lol

[Baile]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Beeb love is sacred between beebs but I'm glad you can feel it lol. Your comments are making me laugh

Okay and thanks, plus I've got my own true Beeb so I'm good.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Baile

Okay and thanks, plus I've got my own true Beeb so I'm good.

True beebs are the best beebs, Baile!
Woooo!!

[Baile]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

True beebs are the best beebs, Baile!
Woooo!!

Yeah, I kinda responded to you because I know what it's like myself. Plus the two of you are fun and who doesn't love fun? Plus you're from the west coast therefore you're groovy obviously. I like groovy.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Baile

Yeah, I kinda responded to you because I know what it's like myself. Plus the two of you are fun and who doesn't love fun? Plus you're from the west coast therefore you're groovy obviously. I like groovy.

GROOOOOVY! West coast the best coast! Lumen is moving out here so I think he feels the same :) Where are you from?

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

See what I mean? Bestest heart. You're such a babe. I love you. Since we haven't had much time together the past few days, I've been reading this over and over having flash backs to all our spiritual good times. Thinking about the forest. And now we're getting married in the forest!! Whoa. I can't wait to just sit and meditate with you again real soon.

Two beebs bein' beebs by the magical fire place Buddha shrine lol

I love you baby. Our spiritual times have been the best times of my life. Amazing moments, filled with realization, gratefulness and unconditional love. They will be forever with me. I will never forget our times together so far and I look forward to many more.

I'm sure our forest adventure will be the greatest yet. In each others arms, in nature, where we belong. At peace, united, in love. I can't wait baby. I just can't wait.

Here's to beebs being beebs by the Bhudda shrine once more

Not long now baby, only 12 more weeks to go and we'll meet at the same place as last time

I love you

[Lumen]

btw Lorelyen, I'll get back to your post soon, very busy at the moment