Identity, purpose and resurrection

I experienced my rebirth many, many. years ago now and since then I experienced "enlightenment", perhaps even a taste of Nirvana (true, unextinguished peace). But also then years of turmoil, giving up of spiritual practices (but knowing that what they taught is true). And constantly fighting over life "jobs" and careers.

On one hand I want peace of mind and a fulfilling, enriching life; and on the other, I get jobs which could be consiered to be great, but I keep screwing those up royally by myself (I have standards of integrity and quality, but also see in myself a stubborn clinging to those things - I am not political but moreso, I am stupid).

I realize that I don't even know who I am, or what I am; I once did in a spiritual sense but that spiritual peace, clarity and knowing is not clouded by renewed, and energzied karma. And I still need to make a living, will I have no choices left to make? Help

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by janielee

I experienced my rebirth many, many. years ago now and since then I experienced "enlightenment", perhaps even a taste of Nirvana (true, unextinguished peace). But also then years of turmoil, giving up of spiritual practices (but knowing that what they taught is true). And constantly fighting over life "jobs" and careers.

On one hand I want peace of mind and a fulfilling, enriching life; and on the other, I get jobs which could be consiered to be great, but I keep screwing those up royally by myself (I have standards of integrity and quality, but also see in myself a stubborn clinging to those things - I am not political but moreso, I am stupid).

I realize that I don't even know who I am, or what I am; I once did in a spiritual sense but that spiritual peace, clarity and knowing is not clouded by renewed, and energzied karma. And I still need to make a living, will I have no choices left to make? Help

personally I put in the time required and do the best job I can, but at the same time have learned to draw boundaries so that I can have some sort of personal life. One of the boundaries for me is 'don't try to climb the ladder or otherwise get ahead'. Another is to leave the business choices to others even when I think they are wrong.

Not that either of those things or the others I had to face was easy to do, when I started. I spent a lot of time fighting with my desire to climb or to advise before I could let go. Even something seemingly that simple turned difficult... but in going to the effort I bought some serenity.

Accepting what I've got in terms of a work life as being 'enough' as it is is a great benefit I find. But it helps not to go around buying tons of things that are vaguely supposed to give pleasuer either, I suppose if I did that I'd have to have more money then its back climbing the ladder...

as far as screwing it up... yeah... it seems sometimes like spiritual life is entirely at odds with work life. Pursuing one often puts kinks in the other...
but it can be a benefit too, to help you learn what is really important. For example I might not be inclined to be upset about work screwups, given my attitude that maybe I shouldn't have been doing the things that led to the screwups to begin with... and that maybe getting rid of that stuff is where I should be putting my effort, rather than in a vain attempt to 'fix' my 'awful' tendency to screw up and somehow 'progress'.

Anyway we are told it is better to do one well than screw up by trying to do both but thing is we can't really live that way. We kinda need each other and part of that need is to accept we have to work... and we still kinda like the spiritual stuff but do we really HAVE to give it up entirely just because work is not optional?

I think sometimes maybe the only problem is this attitude that we've always got to do everything we do really really well. Maybe good enough is good enough? If you can find a balance that you are willing to live with, isn't that enough?

But anyway, by putting limits on my own aspirations I kinda carved out a semi-peaceful place to live in.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by janielee

I experienced my rebirth many, many. years ago now and since then I experienced "enlightenment", perhaps even a taste of Nirvana (true, unextinguished peace). But also then years of turmoil, giving up of spiritual practices (but knowing that what they taught is true). And constantly fighting over life "jobs" and careers.

On one hand I want peace of mind and a fulfilling, enriching life; and on the other, I get jobs which could be consiered to be great, but I keep screwing those up royally by myself (I have standards of integrity and quality, but also see in myself a stubborn clinging to those things - I am not political but moreso, I am stupid).

I realize that I don't even know who I am, or what I am; I once did in a spiritual sense but that spiritual peace, clarity and knowing is not clouded by renewed, and energzied karma. And I still need to make a living, will I have no choices left to make? Help

Settle down. Relax. Accept that you don't know what's better. Inquire your inner source of knowledge and guidance, leaving aside all you beliefs and expectations. Try to not (mis)interpret the answers you get. Then proceed simply and cautiously. Keep inquiring.

I may be wrong, but it seems (from what you wrote) that you might have some counterproductive beliefs.

Good luck!

[Demy]

Originally Posted by janielee

And constantly fighting over life "jobs" and careers.
On one hand I want peace of mind and a fulfilling, enriching life; and on the other, I get jobs which could be consiered to be great,

In my case it's the Highers who destroyed my life.
3 years of financial loss and suffering.
2 years out of a top job and denied my 22-year career, in which I was awesome and enjoyed it.
1.5 years of demons, madness, suffering.
1 year of loss of all valuable relationships.
They, "they" admit to doing it, or at least watching as it was done by "other" forces.

I didn't ask for this, I didn't invite them in.
I am not happy with what was done to me.

Yeah, I progress in aetheric things, but... they don't pay my mortgages. I went from a CEO to a poor hermit.

I am not happy.
In my dialogues with Highers, I am sure that I have used the entire limit of swear words and abuse, assigned to ALL of Humanity.
My own Higher (among those that come), one day WILL start to "eat glass", as it is my standard response.

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

personally I put in the time required and do the best job I can, but at the same time have learned to draw boundaries so that I can have some sort of personal life. One of the boundaries for me is 'don't try to climb the ladder or otherwise get ahead'. Another is to leave the business choices to others even when I think they are wrong.

Not that either of those things or the others I had to face was easy to do, when I started. I spent a lot of time fighting with my desire to climb or to advise before I could let go. Even something seemingly that simple turned difficult... but in going to the effort I bought some serenity.

Accepting what I've got in terms of a work life as being 'enough' as it is is a great benefit I find. But it helps not to go around buying tons of things that are vaguely supposed to give pleasuer either, I suppose if I did that I'd have to have more money then its back climbing the ladder...

as far as screwing it up... yeah... it seems sometimes like spiritual life is entirely at odds with work life. Pursuing one often puts kinks in the other...
but it can be a benefit too, to help you learn what is really important. For example I might not be inclined to be upset about work screwups, given my attitude that maybe I shouldn't have been doing the things that led to the screwups to begin with... and that maybe getting rid of that stuff is where I should be putting my effort, rather than in a vain attempt to 'fix' my 'awful' tendency to screw up and somehow 'progress'.

Anyway we are told it is better to do one well than screw up by trying to do both but thing is we can't really live that way. We kinda need each other and part of that need is to accept we have to work... and we still kinda like the spiritual stuff but do we really HAVE to give it up entirely just because work is not optional?

I think sometimes maybe the only problem is this attitude that we've always got to do everything we do really really well. Maybe good enough is good enough? If you can find a balance that you are willing to live with, isn't that enough?

But anyway, by putting limits on my own aspirations I kinda carved out a semi-peaceful place to live in.

Thank you so much FallingLeaves

Originally Posted by inavalan

Settle down. Relax. Accept that you don't know what's better. Inquire your inner source of knowledge and guidance, leaving aside all you beliefs and expectations. Try to not (mis)interpret the answers you get. Then proceed simply and cautiously. Keep inquiring.

I may be wrong, but it seems (from what you wrote) that you might have some counterproductive beliefs.

Good luck!

Yes probably Thanks inavalan