I am what I am as a result of the self?

[lostsoul13]

If I could have any dream it would be to be where I am today: even the pain would be worth my calculations- if I am calculated?? I suppose Carly had a grip on me as soon as I knew there were other humans…

I never knew or dreamed I would be apart of that possibility.. I longed and fought hard with how I could be with her- before life and after life and most importantly during life!!

I just didn’t hear the ego as clearly as I was hearing the hybrid part of me- one that didn’t quite have a image to manifest…

But upon hearing that echo I have images to manifest- and I mean the manifesting from the soul outwards-

Seeing my spirit’s image: I know I would have to wait thousands of years before I’ll see the hybrid part of me image..

But if I couldn’t be with her, my soulmates:

I planned to go through all sorts of pain and yet at the moment none of it seems to matter, as I flinch at the pain starring me down albeit death!

———

I was a lucky one that in all my scheming and planning and plotting I had my prays answered… I would be one of them and get to have hands on experience- bringing them… there with them as they manifested..

If I told my self this- back then I would of thought you stole my dreams..

Is it true that all your dreams can be answered in life? Is that all its for? Like you knew the self, that part of your self that dreamed for what ever it was- you were actually seeing your self in the future or glimpses of the true self? It wouldn’t take long to reunite with the true self.. it was all but a straight line- between life experiences and growth..

The pain of death didn’t despair me while I was plotting and scheming..

I would do anything to be close to my truest soulmates..

And if it meant pain I was ready to be a warrior and go head first…ask later’

——-

Our house that chose us: the palace theatre.. a true building.. littered in New York also - merely a snow globe to me..

But parked on island- a junction in the middle of two roads- lay a triangle building- a theatre ..

It called, and longed for me all while I was growing up- my fruit bowl was empty..

But it’s fruit bowl was full- castings covered the outside, decorations.. fruit of all things.. this was just one of the man synchronised things(the self had spoken about it like I was in time continuum with the self) which had me wondering.. it’s now being commercially renovated.. into part coffee shop - and the balconies are open planned - on the roof lay three boudoirs- peaks..

Bedrooms of the kids no doubt.. but I can finally go inside there the next two years!! I pass it everyday before work and look at the plans that are pictured on the outside of the building scaffolding panels ..

———

It doesn’t have to sit in the middle of two roads- but it’s my island- I would even consider building it.. just so I owned this grade 2 listed building!!!

…..

I don’t think the girls realise it just yet but I’ve found the most perfect home.

So overall I’m pretty settled, and have spent my time wisely in this life..

I know who I am

I know who my family are

I know who my soulmates are(most of them)

I know whos my clan is….

——-

Considering I think I’m suffering with amnesia I think I done pretty well but all this is a result of who I am: this great achievement and wishfullfilment

I just need to enjoy my life experiences, passer by’s.. coffee shops, hustle and bustle: the holidays and concentrate on work and gaining more hours..

It’s new year and more than ever I’m thankful to be alive and in life…

What I’ve discovered here is life changing and I’m lucky for the opportunity to experience what I can..

Death might rule me but pain cannot!!!