struggling... why am i supposed to let go of her?

~Lioness~ · #1 19-09-2022, 11:12 PM

i find one person in this whole messed up world that makes me feel like i could fight a whole war by myself and win. and ive been in love with her for what... 20 years? i stopped counting recently. yet, im just supposed to let her go? WTH is this?

~Lioness~ · #2 19-09-2022, 11:13 PM

someone show me the silver lining in this.. please

FairyCrystal · #3 19-09-2022, 11:34 PM

Difficult as plenty we or I could say but it's doubtful you're going to like it.

Good thing is you're still young, plenty of chances to find love... IF you open up to it.
Also plenty of time to find something -not someone, something- that you enjoy, is fulfilling and brings you happiness.

I'll leave it at that. Good luck.

~Lioness~ · #4 19-09-2022, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Difficult as plenty we or I could say but it's doubtful you're going to like it.

Good thing is you're still young, plenty of chances to find love... IF you open up to it.
Also plenty of time to find something -not someone, something- that you enjoy, is fulfilling and brings you happiness.

I'll leave it at that. Good luck.

You're right I dont like it lol. But Ill take it and think about it.

FallingLeaves · #5 21-09-2022, 11:48 PM

seems almost like a curse... forced to do what you don't want to do and not liking it one bit...

Traveler · #6 22-09-2022, 07:25 PM

If she wants to go, then yes. I've not read the twin flame forum very much so I'm not sure your circumstances. Is she still living? I had a very mercurial on-off relationship with a guy I went to high school with for a good 15 years. Our connection was magnetic almost electric. I felt at ease around him like we'd been together forever. Turns out we practically were. I found out from a medium that we'd been mercenaries in France several hundred years ago and we were like blood brothers. We'd made a pact that we'd always be together in life and beyond.

We've had several lives together. This last one was not too successful. I wanted a relationship and commitment. He didn't. We would be together for months at a time until one of us would do something that would drive the other away. I never got any terms of endearment from him, never even got a 'happy birthday' from him. Finally, reaching my 30's we were in the same town again and were together until he 'needed his space'. We'd been seeing each other every weekend at his place for a few months at that time. I was just done. Fed up and furious. I told him he could have all the space he wanted because I was done. I wouldn't be bothering him any more. And I kept my word. I ended up getting the one and only gift from him - ever- a christmas card several months later. I tossed it right in the trash without opening it. Sorry, too little, too late bud.

I learned how to sever the contract with him and even now he shows up in my dreams sometimes. It's been almost 30 years now. But it's less frequent. I am honestly and truly done with him. I don't want him in my dreams or my life. Were we soul mates? I dunno. If we were, he sure didn't take very good care of my soul. He hurt me, a lot.

If your TW has hurt you, then it is time to move on too.

~Lioness~ · #7 22-09-2022, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traveler

If she wants to go, then yes. I've not read the twin flame forum very much so I'm not sure your circumstances. Is she still living? I had a very mercurial on-off relationship with a guy I went to high school with for a good 15 years.

Hello. I know it's time to move on finally. I'm confused very much though.

What am I moving on from if there's not even anything to move on from?
I haven't heard from her in 14 years, so I'm confused on how I can move on when it seems I missed that chance a long time ago. There's still no closure, just a ton of pain inside me.

Traveler · #8 22-09-2022, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orion_Lion

Hello. I know it's time to move on finally. I'm confused very much though.

What am I moving on from if there's not even anything to move on from?
I haven't heard from her in 14 years, so I'm confused on how I can move on when it seems I missed that chance a long time ago. There's still no closure, just a ton of pain inside me.

Yeah, I hear ya. It took a good long while, years essentially for me to let go of the anger. Like not wanting to run him over if he was on the crosswalk in front of my car and I had the green light kind of anger (Pure fantasy on my part, he'd never would have actually appeared on a crosswalk in front of my car. we lived in 2 different cities about an hour away from each other). I cut a lot of cords. And as I mentioned, I severed the contract between us. If she still shows up in dreams, then you should be cutting the cords between you. As far as closure, tell her what you want to say to her as if she were standing right there. Or write a letter, get everything down that you want to tell her and then burn the letter. Don't mail it to her, burn it.

FairyCrystal · #9 27-09-2022, 01:07 PM

I find it so difficult to believe that someone cannot let go of a former lover or love interest and is even suffering 10-20+ years later. Sometimes you see this when people weren't ever even in a relationship and it was a one-sided thing only.

To be honest, I see this with men a lot. I don't think I've ever seen it in a woman. Thing being that the feminine principle (which men have too but more present in women of course) knows that life is about birth & death, coming & going, going with the flow, and thus also letting go.
Since women are more connected to this and their intuition & feelings etc. most can deal with loss, pain, etc. better. Doesn't make it easier or less painful, but at least better able to get over something and bounce back.
Not saying all women, but most.

No offense, but I personally can not grasp being in pain even 14 years -or more- later.
Basically dealing with loss, pain, overcoming, healing, forgiving, is an inside job. It has to do with personal growth etc.

I've once heard or read someone say that if you are still in pain a long time after a love relationship ended it isn't love anymore. I'm relaying that as I agree.
There is no love 10-20+ yrs later, only someone holding on to pain caused by an illusion, a dream, a memory of what once was. Love is a 2-way street, and this ceases to exist as soon as a relationship ends.
Then there is the normal phase of mourning, loss, hurt, and so on. But humans have a marvellous innate ability to bounce back from that and to heal. Thank goodness for that otherwise our species would've likely died out thousands of years ago.
Pain, loss, hurt, endings, letting go, and so on are a part of life. Like physical wounds (for the most part) heal by themselves without us having to do anything in particular, our emotions & feelings also heal.
You cannot avoid drawbacks, they're natural and even help us grow into stronger, more solid individuals, provided you are part of the natural ebb and flow of life.

If you cannot move on then it may be time to sort out why not. Why is it so difficult to let go? Why not have the ability to deal with it, bounce back, heal?

Again, all this is to be found within, not without. All this holding on to something that no longer is, maybe never even was, will not be great for her either as it means you keep cords with a negative load intact, likely keep creating new ones too.

No offense, I tried to not speak up. But maybe it'd be good to seek some help with this. A coach or therapist, to find out why you have such big problems letting go and bouncing back.

Good luck!

~Lioness~ · #10 27-09-2022, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I in particular, our emotions & feelings also heal.
You cannot avoid drawbacks, they're natural and even help us grow into stronger, more solid individuals, provided you are part of the natural ebb and flow

Good luck!

It's fine speak your mind I can take it personally or not ☺️

Some info: I was part of a same sex twin flame connection. I met her at a vulnerable age and time in life when my dad had committed suicide..my biological mom was divorcing him. She stepped in and parented me, protected me, and loved me when my mom could not.

I took her love and care to heart and when she vanished after 5 years of being friends, I was still young and vulnerable at 18 yrs old. Barely a human, lol

I tried dating other people, come to find nothing would ever work out Romantically until I let go of the one sided love & limerence

I thank God and goddesses alike that I've moved on.
And not that it matters to anyone but I do go to therapy and I have a good, consisten schedule with her.

It was a valuable experience most definitely. Very valuable lessons ahve been learned.