Childish fears coming back

[PecaS]

Hello guys. As some of you might remember, My mother moved back to Heaven on August 12th. Now, I have this question that, while I think I know the answer, I would love to hear it out loud and whatever other information you can give me I will humbly welcome.

Since my mother's demise, I have been experiencing fear to the darkness and spirits. Like, I am scared of ghosts, goblins, spirits and demons. (as if I was 8 years old). Mom passed away at home, under the care of my sister and I. We were together when she breathed her last breath and I was with a family friend as my sister left to do the paperwork for the funeral.

I stayed with mom the whole night (alongside my sister and a handful of others) in the funeral parlor, and was with my sister and family when it was time for her cremation. Her ashes rest in the same Catholic makeshift altar she has here because she wanted us to spread her ashes over the sea. My sister wants so too, so the last survivor of us will take both ashes and spread them over the sea alongside with our furkids.

So there is no timeline for my mom's ashes to leave the house. My mom's bedroom is beside my own, as I was the one who cared for her during the night.

One last piece of information, as I was growing up, my mom sometimes in despair, would say to me that she was thinking about abandoning everything and everyone and just walking away. Yes, this caused me a serious abandonment issue.

She never left. Her battle with cancer lasted 14 years, she developed breast cancer, BCM, Liver cancer (due to the chemo) and LCM... mets were in T10 and L2 and lungs. brain was never confirmed but I suspect.

I "know" (my reason) that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. that dark spirits are real but they are basically harmless unless you believe that they can hurt you. and so you are giving them the ok to do so. Which I do not.

But how long will this last? I haven't heard mom nor have I seen her. My sister has heard her constantly. :( I am also afraid mom is mad at me.

[JustBe]

Fears hold within them, avoidance or difficulties in opening up what’s within them.

Fear to feel fully because of childish reprimands is often something that plays out in adults.

Sometimes as children we fear to upset others especially parents and of course that too can play out in adults, as people pleasing and attachment issues where people fear to let go of things that no longer serve them.

Most often the fear of ‘bad things’ is simply a lack of knowledge as truth. And too much knowledge as ‘not the truth’

From a religious perspective, it has confused and skewed a lot of children around life and death, suffering and fears. Heaven and hell.

Just remember it’s all through feeling and letting go you clear yourself of these contained fears.

Know your safe to feel things fully without any backlash.

A lot of our mother and fathers suppressed emotions are carried over into us. So remembering your just a seed to end these things is a good starting point.

Anything you feel is ok to feel. It may have a story in you that you don’t want to own fully, but the story is not the healing, your feelings within it are the truth. The story after you release those binds changes everything in you.

[Starman]

Yes, whatever you believe in, you open yourself up to; nothing can get you unless you allow it to come in. Much of what you have described are probably based in subconscious imprints from your youth. That you have abandonment issues says a lot about your fears, especially now that your mom has passed.

I am the last surviving member of my family of origin; mom and dad are gone, and so are all of my brothers and sisters. But I do not feel alone because spirit is with me; sometimes I feel like it is my parents or siblings spirit. This does not scare me. To entities who have passed from this earth we here on this earth look like ghosts and apparitions. Some of us appear to them as demons or angels, etc. We appear to them like someone who is in a dream state. You see its’ a two way street, not only about how we see them but also how they see us.

Fear is always about what may happen next and the best way to combat fear is to learn to live in the moment. Quiet your mind and live in the moment, not in what may be, If you let your mind run wild it will conjure up all sorts of things. Learn how to quiet your mind, use meditation or some other method.

We create our own demons and our own angels. I used to be afraid of my own shadow, was afraid to be in a dark room when I was very young also. Over time I got to know my own inner light through meditation, and it has given me a very profound confidence. The cornerstone of my life has been “Know thyself,” and that investigation of Self has to be on every level.

[HITESH SHAH]

Originally Posted by PecaS

I "know" (my reason) that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. that dark spirits are real but they are basically harmless unless you believe that they can hurt you. and so you are giving them the ok to do so. Which I do not.

But how long will this last? I haven't heard mom nor have I seen her. My sister has heard her constantly. :( I am also afraid mom is mad at me.

You and other response to your posts are right. There is nothing to fear.

I would suggest somethings like following
1. Feel empowered that you and your sister cared for her and were with her till last moment and that she is blessing you from heaven. Routines rants come due to worldly pains especially in your mother's case from painful dreadful disease cancer and there is absolutely nothing whatsoever against you/your sister in her rants.
2. Live the active life with love and feel her presence in the things /places/ persons she liked. Do some charitable actions behind her in her name. Visit her cremation place occasionally like thanksgiving.

If you focus and concentrate on positive matters, misplaced baseless childish fear has no place in your life.

My first instinct is to tell you your mom is not mad at you. Please believe this.

Second is that you have hung in there with your mother being that sick for 14 years!! The mix of strong emotions, will she make it, will she not and despite all the hard fight she is now gone. You must have tons to go through.

You could have collected along the way all this fear and pain and now that it is over in one way, the normal-you (being in this stressful situation for 14 years) is now in a way going into retreat, that numbed part of you, the part of you that just kept on marching: That was your survival-brain. That is the one that goes on duty in these types of situations with this kind of long term stress. Our brains have a way of protecting us and it is almost as if the part that truly feel fear has gone to sleep while the other part of the brain is on duty. It has been with me too that when it is over, in a way, this other part of the brain that was put to sleep throughout all the stress is now waking up; and it can feel absolutely terrifying. One is wondering where all the intense fear is coming from and one can feel it is out of one's control, but it has a logical reason behind it, and it will pass. It is the fear you have collected over time in this highly pressured situation that became your normal and now in a way you can exhale, despite the tough chapter ahead of you and right in the middle of it; the grief.

If you can not cope with this alone you could seek help, there is good help out there, professional, to help you get through. I did. You will feel better. In future you will be good even if you don't believe it now, taken you have dealt with this. You will know your mom is not mad at you, the opposite. She loves you, always has, always will. You take care of yourself now. If and when you have moments or days when you are feeling good do not feel quilt about that, it is the way it should be. Your mother would want you to be happy. You too will pass one day, but not now, you have your life journey ahead of you and what is planned for you happiness and other things, it is the way it should be. Even if she has passed now, it is still the right order, nobody would want to go through one's own child to die and one to live on.

What happened to her during your childhood - was her baggage, her grown up stuff, her situation. Has nothing to do with you. It's important you know this. You were innocent. You had no part in that. It was never you she wanted to walk away from, and she never did, did she. It is adult matters that was on her shoulders; not you, not a child.

Blessings

[AstralTraveller]

Fear is a negative energy. A curse for the living to be able to manifest both negativity and positivity. I believe you can overcome your fear. And only then you will hear from your mom. Your mom is probably a positive entity now, so if you emit negative energy, well you will only push her away. She isn't mad at you; you are just dangerous to be around while emitting negativity. That is at least what I believe.

[PecaS]

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and your guidance. I have always thought that in a situation like this one, the best advice HAS to come from someone who is not involved in the problem itself.
After reading what you told me I realized that, indeed, it was part of programming I was given: "You are nothing without me" (father) and, when he was finally out of the picture and mom left, I took that back out as if it was something worth remembering.
Today's mom's first month living in Light. and I miss her, last night I was somewhat fearful but then I decided to meditate again and this "fear" vanished and I was able to sleep properly.
Also I realized that part of that fear is the excess time I have now. I do not NEED to wake up every handful of minutes, there is no medication to be given, no need for me to postpone all my work and just sit down and chat.
becoming busy permits me to stop feeling such a void and while I do not stop missing mom, I transform the idle time into something useful and not full of stupid ideas.

[AstralTraveller]

Be happy and stay positive, because your mom is not sad and negative right now.