How to work around this please?

[Guff779]

As I said before my father has

-paid off the mortgage
-have two major bank account savings worth between 35k-40k, 12k gone now
-has resources worth £10k
-gets money from me £70 every week and I pay petrol

-he only gets £70 every week which all together £140 a week

-he will get 2 pensions at 67 which quite comfortably in 18 months he can live

-he will get contributions from me in the future
-he can even sell his house

I pay for petrol.

My sister horribly horribly puts me down and I ignore her and will move out.

I'm doing way too much for him

My sister may not give any money to my father after she gets married and my father on half pension has to give her £12k. She isn't paying for bills and I doubt she will help out.

I give him money every week, do chores, do this and that for h, chase this and that, go places for him, companionship.

I pay petrol close to £50 a week

Also is he being silly with his money worries considering he saves £100 every week and he just doesn't listen despite the excellent track record, he won't let me move out which I possibly can next week

He just keeps talking about bills, he has nothing to worry about, he only speeds now £15 food on himself a week and nothing else

Keeps talking about bills and bills and he can afford that and if I move out it will lower.

This finance talking is getting to my head now none of us is struggling with money. He doesn't write down how much some water and electricity bills were.

This is driving me crazy, tells me a 30 minute meal to shut the gas about 7 minutes I! My days off always about bills, seriously take a chill, write it down and stop worrying like me

[Rah nam]

You sound like, you think your parents owe you something, in my view, they owe you nothing.

Perhaps it is time to become independent.

[bobjob]

I'm old but I also remember how it was when I wasn't. You might live to be as old as your dad is or as old as I am and I would bet diamonds you'll see things differently then.

Guff you need to strike out on your own and find out the true cost - but also the benefits - of being independent and paying your own way in life. It's the natural way that kids are born and raised but then leave home and do their own thing - start doing it, eh?

You've posted your thread in the 'Spiritual Development' thread which might - but might not - be appropriate dependent on the outcome of your actions or failure to act. That's if spiritual development has any meaning or importance for you....

blessings

I can understand he is afraid you will move out as you are clearly such a support for him and also a punching bag.

Non of my business and I could be way wrong about it but have you guys checked so there is no underlying disease your Dad has, worst scenario would be maybe Alzheimers in the family genes or something of the kind? Meaning if he is much forgetful, stressed up, but it could too just be stress , his personality, blood pressure, numerous of things... If you think he has changed that much I mean and need to see a doctor? From some of your threads I get the impression even you are shocked asking yourself and us what is wrong with him, meaning then it had to deteriorate fast for some reason? Or maybe he's always been this way more or less, it is just that he used to have a partner (maybe your mom? you don't have to answer that of course, public forum and all) that took on the role you pretty much have now? Just to make sure there is not something wrong beside the usual aging and if he know is selfish by nature or a narcissist due to circumstances in his past. Best to just rule that out, if you can? you can even say something in the line with please do it for me I'm worried about you - that way he think he can prove it to you (be the winner) that he ain't got something, or it could too be if he loves attention that he likes the idea of the attention he will get from a doctor? just to be sure, to rule something out? Considering his age he should not be heading down in the speed he's going, not in my opinion anyways, in the frantic manner he goes on? Too the close to paranoia he has but I know people like that too and then it ain't paranoia, just some fragile ego or what ever with the classic "What will the neighbors think?" (and I'm like who cares what the neighbors think?).

I've edited this text because before i came on kinda harsh on your sister, LOL, and I promised myself now to be a little more gentle. What I find has worked is that those who don't think you do enough or do things right - to let them do it instead. The result from that has been a more humble attitude coming from that little corner.

They are going to protest and t hink you are the bad guy and try to to pin it on you when they are suddenly facing the same responsibility you have had in secret and in the open for so long, but let them have it, I say.

Usually too, as in this case, the parent has chosen the one they know will be there for them the most - and in this case that's you but then you have to in some cases kindly re-steer them to the other sibling, not all the time, but some, just so it is not too much of a burden on your shoulders and zero burden on your sis, not saying your Dad is a burden but with every household comes responsibilities, practical work, planning...

For your own sanity in the long run and your looking out for your own life too in the long run it is obvious to me your family put themselves first and you second. You too need to put yourself first and they second. I'm a little concerned for your Dad though, just hoping he doesn't have something he shouldn't have. He is most likely going to fight you to the end about you leaving as you are his safety. Your sister married and is off. It is time for you too to be off, married or not, especially so if the living conditions are the way they are, and they are stealing more energy from you. There are people you can contact that can be of different sort of help to your dad if that is the case, if he needs help because of some sort of condition, not saying you should not do anything for him, of course you should.

Maybe it is best to book an appointment with the bank for your father as well and for you to be there so the employ of the bank can recognize the problem and see if he/she can find ways to sooth your father in his "panic view" of his finances? It seem to be one of his major blown-up problems that has completely stressed him out and he don't listen to your reason? Doesn't seem to me like he feels safe. And someone of his age, having worked before, he should be more safe, knowing what he's doing with the finances - has he never been in charge of the finances of the household? Someone else doing that for him maybe? It's little strange to me that he is that scared.

Take in others in way you can or you will be if not already suffocated. You have to separate yourself from you Dad but not all the way, but for you two to work to have a normal, healthy relationship, where you too can see yourself function in balance long term to be there for him in ways that work.