How Do I Heal My Fears?

[Green.Heals]

I love watching Ali's Tarot, and she is saying in a video for my sign,

That as long as I stand in that fear, I am going to create it in them.

That the only way to eradicate that fear, is to know the route cause of it.

My fear, oh boy...well I have a lot of them, I am working on, but this one in particular is REJECTION. & of being emotionally and physically abused. I know I have a lot of healing to do, and I am working with someone on those.

Rejection is super triggering for me, and I feel a lot of people. To the point I do really weird things.

If I don't go towards this person with that fear in mind, and just go at it light, and playful and fun, and not have any looming thoughts, just let those go, and see where it takes us, even as just friends, could that diminish the fears?

This person just happened to pop up in my life again, and we never really got to know one another. I don't know if maybe they just don't know what to say to me. I usually tend to run from this type of man, the healthy balanced type. & I am not. Perhaps that other fear, is not having the confidence to think, " I am enough "

Hi.... Can absolutly , totally understand where you are coming from. There are many issues. And can "appear" complex . But in reality it is not complex. It is as simple as this. You are beautiful. You are you. You should never ever try to adapt to be someone that you are not. If said people connected to you, cannot see your worth , your beauty, you have to ask yourself " am I not better than this?"..... This is what I tell myself ... What I have HAD to tell myself... If people cannot see my true worth and beauty first time round, why would I let them back a second time to do it all over again?"... For I know I am worth more than that, and you are too. Best of wishes to you.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Green.Heals

My fear, oh boy...well I have a lot of them, I am working on, but this one in particular is REJECTION. & of being emotionally and physically abused. I know I have a lot of healing to do, and I am working with someone on those.

Rejection is super triggering for me, and I feel a lot of people. To the point I do really weird things.

If I don't go towards this person with that fear in mind, and just go at it light, and playful and fun, and not have any looming thoughts, just let those go, and see where it takes us, even as just friends, could that diminish the fears?

Rejection is a big fear for most of us, usually because of events in childhood where we felt rejected, excluded and unloved, leading us to believe that we are somehow unworthy and unlovable.

This may manifest in later life as situations where we feel rejected, so we become defensive. In relationships we might subconsciously expect to be rejected so we end up rejecting the other person before they have a chance to reject us.

As you say, we need to find the root cause and bring it to conscious awareness. Then we start to release the pain and fear of our early rejection. Otherwise we may find ourselves in repeating patterns of being rejected.

So yes, learn to love yourself as you are. Engage with other people in a relaxed and playful manner. If you have no fear or expectation of rejection then it is less likely to happen. And even if someone does reject you for whatever reason then it does not become an issue, because their rejection does not affect your attitude towards yourself.

Peace

[RedEmbers]

Hi Green.Heals.

It's really cool that you recognise your triggers and patterns, that's a huge in itself. Often just being conscious of triggers and patterns is enough to begin creating the changes we wish to see.



Something I have been finding very useful is learning about "Schema Therapy" with my psychologist. This may or may not be of interest to you. I thought I'd mention it in case it is of use. If not, no worries :-)

It is specifically designed to address childhood schemas (patterns and there triggers) the therapy is active and acts sort of like an inoculation. It often works where other therapies fail it does so through a symbiosis of different therapies and takes a more holistic and integrated approach.

Many therapies don't actually address the maladaptive stratagies formed in early childhood affected by trauma. This particular therapy is designed to fill in those gaps that other therapies miss.


I only heard about it because my sister was telling me about how much it helped her and so I went and asked my psychologist about it, it has helped me where every other kind of therapy so far has failed. Instead of being a bandaid, it has helped me to rewrite my internal beliefs and that in turn has led to me feeling so much more appreciation for my own innate value.

At any rate, I hope that you find whatever path to healing which is right for you and I wish you the very best :-)

^Re:Schemas.

"Emotional Alchemy-How the mind can heal the heart"-By Tara Bennett-Goleman.

Just one avenue schema and label wise in regards to labels.

Everything stems from childhood and upbringing,eg:lack of nurturing,abandonment and trauma etc.

Labels and identifying with a word,is not an avenue to healing,nor is western psychologists and big pharma.

There is more healing at looking at the bigger picture,but then returning to your own inner guidance of faith in the unknowing.

Each to there own.

[RedEmbers]

Hi ant

I just wanted to offer a psychological option too in case it could be of any practical. use. I personally needed practical guidance in conjunction with inner connection to self. A lot of "spiritually" based solutions were too abstract for me.

I'm not saying that this is by any means Green Heals experiences, I just wanted to mention it in case it can be of any use for others to take it or leave

Going inward is a wonderful thing and connecting to one's inner guidance is too but it may not be an easy thing to do in some cases.

Childhood trauma and the patterns formed tend to create rifts between the self which can make it difficult to even know what one is even trying to connect to.

Parents are mirrors, so if a kid has no mirror or a mirror which is not so good it is very difficult to form a grounded sense of identity.

So while some states of connection might be relatively easy, connecting to an inner sense of self may not be of it has not had the opportunity to develop in the first place.
This is where spirituality can fail people with trauma backgrounds.

For me, this therapy meant the difference between "knowing" that I'm lovable in theory (which felt so abstract) Vs really feeling and being able to accept love on a core "vibrational" level.


I hope that I am not taking over this thread too much I'll leave my comment there for now and hope that it's OK.

Take care one and all.

[Native spirit]

As you say you have a lot of fears. Don't try to resolve them all at once take one fear at a time. put the others away in a box in your mind to deal with at a latter date,
Rejection is one that a lot of people can understand. rejoice in who you are
you don't need anybody's permission to Love yourself.


Namaste

oh honey you are more than enough. someone must have done something to you to feel this way, and then that is who is not enough. I use to be insecure too. But now I go by the rule that if I would not treat someone else like that I do not deserve being treated badly either. It helps. To me it is like a universal law or something. So chin up :) You deserve more than to go around and try to tell yourself you are enough. You should not have been treated badly in the first place to even have to be struggling with this. Wish you all the best in the future and for your self esteem to keep growing.

[Uriwhetu]

I feel like you already possess the answers you seek, you are making great progress and are healing. You have a wonderful grasp of what you need to work on and I think that is incredibly enlightened - go you!
Be kind to yourself, show the same compassion to yourself that you usually reserve for others - you are indeed worth it.
*Hugs*

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

Hi ant

I just wanted to offer a psychological option too in case it could be of any practical. use. I personally needed practical guidance in conjunction with inner connection to self. A lot of "spiritually" based solutions were too abstract for me.

I'm not saying that this is by any means Green Heals experiences, I just wanted to mention it in case it can be of any use for others to take it or leave

Going inward is a wonderful thing and connecting to one's inner guidance is too but it may not be an easy thing to do in some cases.

Childhood trauma and the patterns formed tend to create rifts between the self which can make it difficult to even know what one is even trying to connect to.

Parents are mirrors, so if a kid has no mirror or a mirror which is not so good it is very difficult to form a grounded sense of identity.

So while some states of connection might be relatively easy, connecting to an inner sense of self may not be of it has not had the opportunity to develop in the first place.
This is where spirituality can fail people with trauma backgrounds.

For me, this therapy meant the difference between "knowing" that I'm lovable in theory (which felt so abstract) Vs really feeling and being able to accept love on a core "vibrational" level.


I hope that I am not taking over this thread too much I'll leave my comment there for now and hope that it's OK.

Take care one and all.

Hi RedEmbers,: )

I understand some people need a psychologist and or a therapist for guidance,

I just wish the healing process was a lot simpler and easier for people.

And it could be,if only we could accept life in it's entirety,good and bad.

And that everything happens for a reason.

Schema's aside,a book you may like ie:'The Dark Side of the Light Chasers' by Debbie Ford.