Is it really possible to unconditionally love those that have hurt us?

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by traceyacey12

Thanks for the pointer. I'm still coming to grips about asking God but tonight I am planning on looking at the moon and asking it for guidance....progress! Hopefully it's visible

My opinion? Excellent...and since it is in Pisces...be still a bit and listen...to what?
Whatever comes.

Originally Posted by Native spirit

.. .I always say forgiving is easy forgetting is not

That's interesting never thought about it. But remembering still keeps you stuck in dense energy, no? I hear it's better to just let it go. How that happens I have yet to see

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by traceyacey12

Thanks JustBe. I guess I'm just obsessing about clearing the karma but am inadvertently creating more with this communication. I guess I'm still not at peace.

Your welcome.

Finding peace means you won’t strive to make situations be but rather be fully grounded in peace to lead as that.

You’ll know when you’ve reached peace in you. It’s a neutral ground, open and clear and accepting of others as they are.

Your choices from there move as your peace.

[Starman]

Love may be unconditional but human relationships are very conditional. Nonetheless, unconditional love can be achieved in a relationship. It begins with forgiveness, but you do not necessarily forgive the person rather you forgive yourself for having possible unrealistic expectations. Not forgiving will hurt you more then it hurts the person you are not forgiving.

Although you might also try to separate the person from their behavior, like what we do with little children. We may tell a child I love you but I do not like what you did. You look at the person as being immature but you do not hold any ill will towards them. Still it is important to protect yourself from that person.

Unconditional love mainly means that you have positive regard for all people. Lots of people who get hurt seek some kind of revenge against the person they feel hurt them. But with unconditional positive regard no revenge is sought. Getting hurt is about lessons that need to be learned and not about having ill will towards that person.

Regardless, it is also healthy to have some personal boundaries and not allow people to abuse you. Getting hurt is often about having unrealistic expectations from a person who is unable, or unwilling, to meet those expectations. It is the expectations, or disappointments, that hurt us. We need to be aware of the warning signs in a relationship and communicate our concerns accordingly.

Originally Posted by Starman

Love may be unconditional but human relationships are very conditional....Regardless, it is also healthy to have some personal boundaries and not allow people to abuse you....

Yes thanks for the post Starman. Funny just had a flash of an unconditional love experience and so I logged on to report and your description resonates perfectly. Now to not getting abused ...

[Starman]

Become friends before you become lovers. As I understand it, a companion is when the activity is more important than the person, i.e. you are just looking for someone to go to a concert or movie with you; you are looking for a companion.

A friend is when the person is more important then the activity. You want to do something specifically with that person and it does not matter so much what the activity is. Then there are lovers of all sorts, i.e. Romantic Love, Committed Love, or even Uncommitted Love.

I think too many people do not do relationship building, they want everything all at once and end up getting hurt. It is also good to understand that a perfect relationship is different for different people. People are attracted to other people for different reasons.

A Codependent person is most often attracted to a Counter-dependant person and vice versa, there are also people who do very well in apathetic relationships. There are all sorts of relationships, and what may be considered ideal for one person may not be considered ideal for another person.

The bottom line is that we have to know ourselves and how we are in a relationship. Its’ not about what we want, it is about how we are, and what would compliment how we are. No matter what you do in life, there will be sacrifices. Regardless whether a person is in a relationship or not they will make sacrifices. Cost/benefit or what do you have to pay for what you are getting. Is it worth it?

Now having said all of this; I do believe in love at first sight, but most often it is lust at first sight. If the love is mutual then there will be mutual respect. People in a relationship have to grow together or they will grow apart. All of these things are easier said then done.

[hazada guess]

It is a different kind of love that is between a friend and a lover.

[Starman]

Love stands on its own without the need for a person or object to love, indeed we can love ourselves, and in my opinion we give to each other the love which we have nurtured within ourselves. If I don‘t love myself how can I give love to others?

The source of love is one, although it may have lots of different shades, like the love for a friend being different than the love for a lover, or the love for a child, or parent, is also different. When we use the word “lover“ most people think of sexual love, but sex is only an expression of love and it is not love itself.

Love exists without being expressed; it stands on its own. We can be a lover of life, which is much different then sexual love. A person can even love to hate, love to argue, love violence, but those things are not love itself. There is a Zen Buddhist Koan which says “love is harmony even in discord.”

Does “discord“ have a harmonic rhythm? In my experience I have found that the deeper I go into joy I find love, and the deeper I go into love I lose myself. To quote Queen Elisabeth II; “grief is the price we pay for love.”

For the most part, a person can not emotionally hurt you unless you care about that person, unless you extend your feelings to them. Bering hurt by a lover is a form of grieving the loss of love, or grieving having that person no longer express love. The stages of grief are also expressed in the loss of love.

[hazada guess]

Ok, a different shade of love between a friend and a lover.

[Native spirit]

One of the best ways to get rid of Anger is to write down why you are angry
or with who is to write it down on a piece of paper.
then burn it. that works really well for a lot of people.


Namaste