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Old 23-01-2024, 09:30 PM
ReturningMoon ReturningMoon is offline
Join Date: Sep 2022
Posts: 77
Is marriage currently a flawed concept?

Hi everyone. In my opinion it kind of is simply because the fun of it is gone once you get to know the person. I think it turns into alot of work and compromise after the "falling in love" stage is past.
I suppose this is why I never married. Maybe I will some day, but does anyone else think there are currently flaws with marriage like the problems I stated?
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Old 24-01-2024, 12:00 AM
Miss Hepburn Miss Hepburn is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southwest, USA
Posts: 25,515
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I don't think marriage is flawed. I think marriage is just not for you.
And that's great - it is part of what makes you ''you''.

*I'll text in Navy Blue when I'm speaking as a Mod. :)

Prepare yourself for the coming astral journey of death by daily riding in the balloon of God-perception.
Through delusion you are perceiving yourself as a bundle of flesh and bones, which at best is a nest of troubles.
Meditate unceasingly, that you may quickly behold yourself as the Infinite Essence, free from every form of misery. ~Paramahansa's Guru's Guru

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Old 24-01-2024, 12:24 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 3,442
Originally Posted by ReturningMoon
Hi everyone. In my opinion it kind of is simply because the fun of it is gone once you get to know the person. I think it turns into alot of work and compromise after the "falling in love" stage is past.
I suppose this is why I never married. Maybe I will some day, but does anyone else think there are currently flaws with marriage like the problems I stated?
Marriage takes work. Both on yourself and a willingness to communicate openly differences that often arise. It’s only as easy as you are open and willing together to build bridges that keep it connected. And of course that takes two.

Most young people married, don’t even know themselves, let alone adjusting to knowing a partner and children in the mix, dealing with mortgage , paying bills etc..
Falling in love can lead people believing there are no problems to sort through, that’s the trick of ‘that spark’, it’s an invitation to not only understand yourself, but understand how you relate and connect through all life’s ups and downs with another person/s
Free from all thought of “I” and “mine”, that man finds utter peace. ~Bhagavad Gita
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Old 24-01-2024, 02:49 AM
Gem Gem is online now
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
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It's changed in meaning over time, and it's imagined differently in different cultures, but in recent times, Western marriage has detached from the natural world of procreation, family and generations to become the official union of 'sexual partners that love each other' along with a bunch of legalese like tax breaks and so on.

I'm a bachelor, only had a couple of failed relationships, and have been single for the majority of my adult life, so I don't know how it works and have nothing constructive to offer, but I think the way marriage is imagined in modern Western culture is flawed and we need to go back to the real world of 'family values'.

My Niece married recently. They are are a wholesome Christian couple and traditional in that sense. They are very active in the church. I like the Husband. We're both metal heads, and he's a practical feller that likes woodwork and makes his own guitars. I think they have a good thing going, and the values from their church are a better way of imagining what marriage is supposed to be. It's essentially a spiritual affair, yet fully grounded in the real world. I think they'll make it work.
Radiate boundless love towards the entire world ~ Buddha
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Old 24-01-2024, 07:10 AM
Starman Starman is offline
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Location: U.S. Southwest
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In my opinion true marriage takes place in a person’s heart and not in a ceremony with a license and vows. If it is not in your heart then in my opinion it does not exist. Marriage is highly influenced by culture.

In India today they still have arranged marriages. I spoke with this guy who was very upset because his Hindu mother choose his to be wife, he had no say in it and his family expected him to marry the woman they choose; which he did not want to do.

Western societies have a different idea of marriage then societies in the Middle East, Asia, or other places. In countries who follow a European perspective marriage has gone through many dramatic changes, and today there are married people who do not live together.

I met a beautiful young woman who married a person from another country only so he can get fast tracked to American citizenship. People marry for all sorts of reasons and sometimes it has nothing to do with love. Generally, in past centuries most people stayed married longer than most do today.
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Old 27-01-2024, 06:23 AM
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 1,353

Originally Posted by ReturningMoon
I think it turns into alot of work and compromise after the "falling in love" stage is past.
Like all good things , marriage too needs attention and care . If handled carelessly and casually it can give u nightmares also .

Development of individual over a period of time requires lot of qualities and there could be high possibility that an individual can attain lot of such qualities through partner union .

Like almost any thing marriage too has its share of do's and donts , declarations , affirmations , covenants , pledges , commitments , loyalties etc which are mostly included in marriage rituals . If such rituals are understood in right spirit and followed sincerely by both partner , chances are high that couples' conjugal relationship experience is lasting ,enjoyable and blissful .
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Old 27-01-2024, 02:31 PM
Gem Gem is online now
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I think we might have gone too far down the individualist rabbit hole as if all that matters are the individuals in the couple, when like it or not, marriage has a meaningful affect on parents, siblings etc. Then consider the children that come from a marriage... it's not just 'me and you' such as we seem to imagine it. It involves entire families on an inter-generational scale.

I'd say these realities, as inconvenient they may be, are typically overlooked in the Modern West, and it would be better to enjoy the fairy tale without neglecting real world implications.
Radiate boundless love towards the entire world ~ Buddha

Last edited by Gem : 28-01-2024 at 12:43 AM.
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Old 27-01-2024, 04:02 PM
Bluto Bluto is offline
Join Date: May 2022
Posts: 190
I've always believed, since about the age of 10, that the strength, quality, and authenticity of the bond of love between two people is the only thing that matters concerning ongoing successful and joyous partnership. The legal ceremony and the resultant piece of paper is nothing more than a bizarre love triangle between one person, another person, and the state, and matters not one bit. In fact, I've observed more than a few relationships totally fail soon after a wedding. I feel that marriage is something that tries to force a set of prescribed ideals as opposed to allowing authentic and organic love to naturally evolve and develop.

Marriage is a flawed concept when the following assumptions underpin it:
  • It's something you need to "work hard at"
  • Being married will or should bring happiness
  • Children are better off if their parents are married
  • It's something you must do, or are expected to do
  • You must step into, and act the role of husband or wife
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Old 29-01-2024, 10:25 PM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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Marriage is Sacred to some people.Like everything else it has to be worked at
I am married but a couple of my friends have never married
and they are comfortable as they are.

Love is the key ingredient to make it work being honest with each other.
one of my friends my best friend has got three sons she was planning on marrying her partner she asked me to be her chief bridesmaid two days later her middle son told her he has got a brother with the same name.

it turned out her partner was cheating on her and they did have a child that they gave him the same name,
she was totally Blindsided she did not expect that,

she threw him out of the house he went to live with this other woman.
12 months later he got Dementia he was in his thirties,and he told everyone how much he loved my friend. but it wasn't enough to stop his straying

so marriage is good for some people and not for others

The Spoken Word Always Comes Back As Whispers In
The Wind
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Old 31-01-2024, 01:40 PM
Maisy Maisy is offline
Join Date: Jan 2022
Posts: 1,716
The biological reason for animals mating and pairing up is for making babies. Involved in that of course is protecting these babies and providing food and shelter. Educating them as well though now days humans invented paid teachers and schools to do this. Parents now days can dump their children in schools for up to 10 hours a day so really get rid of a lot of time required to raise a child. Rich people even get nannies to raise them after school hours.

Monogamy, the practice or state of being married or partnered to one person at a time and the practice or state of having a mating relationship with only one partner best serves to "motivate" parents to provide for their offspring as a strong biological bond is created with the baby.

Here's some animals besides humans who practice (or try too and often fail) to practice monogamy. Turtle doves and swans, Snowy owls, dik-diks (like a deer), Male prairie voles, Black vultures, Shingleback skinks, Owl monkeys, California mice, Bald eagles (Bald eagles mate for life, but with two caveats. If one or both of them cannot produce offspring, they will break up and look for other mates; in addition, if one dies, the survivor will not hesitate to accept a new mate.) Albatrosses.

Human marriage is a way we culturally legalize an attempt at Monogamy.
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