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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Signs & Synchronicities

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  #1  
Old 03-03-2021, 10:32 AM
MysticalShaman MysticalShaman is offline
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Signs and synchronicity....really?

I thought I’d met my twin in 2013.

He was literally perfect when I met him at that time.

He was the most handsome person I have ever seen. I was say we looked alike in ways.

But he was also vegan, and I was vegan, and i don’t know anyone else who was.
He was 11 years older than me. I’m libra/Scorpio cusp, he’s Aquarius/Pisces.

He looks like Jesus, and I look like Mary Magdalene (in European artworks, which is from the cultural background we share ). Funnily enough, He hung out with the homeless and outcasts of society, and society thought I was a ***** (when I wasn’t).

He was sexually abused and the same point in life that I was by a member of the opposite sex.

We kept bumping into to each other in random places.

We hooked up. But it didn’t last.

But since meeting him, I’ve had my “awakening” and my shift in perception....I guess you’d call it enlightenment? I’ve seen the void and had the realization that none of this is real, we are all just spirit/god/the void playing with itself through different diguises.

I’ve had chakra pills to him and a heart chakra opening.

I’ve tested out “spells”. One time I drew a picture of the next time we would meet/see each other.

I drew a picture of us, walking under rainbow bunting.

Months later at the Summer solstice I was at a festival. A festival I had got to for 3 years. At that festival that is set in a large park, where thousands of people attend. There was only ONE teeny tiny area that had bunting.
The festival lasts 3 days. On the 2nd day, after roaming the whole festival, going here there and everywhere, we saw each other under the rainbow bunting and that’s when I had my heart chakra opening. My heart literally exploded and radiate out this feeling of euphoria. It was insane.

We didn’t stop to chat. At that time we were not talking/on good terms, so we made eye contact and passed. I was with a friend who said that as we passed, he looked back and never stopped looking.

I hardened my heart because I thought I was doing the right thing by NOT looking back and not talking to him because of our history. I wanted him to know that he didn’t have to worry about me being some crazy *****.

I have no idea why he looked back, could be because he was worried I’m a crazy *****, hahaha or because he does still care. I’m trying to not think about that last part too much because i am trying to move on and I’m scared that I’m get lost down the rabbit hole of the agony of that one-sided connection and obsession.

Months after that, actually a year or two, when I hadn’t seen him in a year and we hadn’t spoken in a year, I was out on a night out. and he was around too. I was with friends and again I was trying to avoid him. (But also craving him... ugh I was pathetic).

Anyway, speak a decent part of the night not near him. Was walking down a street with my friends and he came up from behind me and swept me up in the biggest hug. It was really romantic- but I took that moment to embrace that hug. Because I thought it would be the last - and it has been). It was literally that hug and then he left. That was it!

So I haven’t seen him since then.

There was a lot more weird things like happened, like I used to bring him food, and used to share Sharon fruit with him and his sister is called Sharon. He’s talked about moving to Spain, my sister lives there and my parents are moving.

And then there was a lot of ways the universe was forcibly separating us it seemed.

The bar we met in closed and got revamped.
The place he lived got sold and he and all his neighbors were made homeless and I believe he moved to a part of the country I had never been to.

While all that was happening I was very much pining on my end...but trying to move on...but not doing it well.

So I finally decided to start living for myself and try forget about him.

I still think about him often, but it’s back to normal levels. I should actually note that, not long after I met him my life was turned upside down - I had to postpone my university education due to funding that was cut. Then around his birthday of the year we met I was attacked and raped a second time by a stranger. This happened at a time when I was healed from the first rape, from my childhood and caused me to go off the deep end. At the time the feelings I had for my twin were the only good thing i felt in my life so I let myself get lost in the feelings. I feel deep into the rabbit hole. I started abusing drugs (like psychedelics) and being reckless (shoplifting/having unsafe sex with multiple partners- I even ran away to a different country). I became a crazy person to be around - I became homeless and slept on beaches. I lost all my friends. I was unrecognizable. And that all happened after I was raped. This lasted for about 8 months when ironically drugs saved me. A bad trip woke me up to the problems in my life and I had reiki where I remembered the night I had blocked out for so long. Up to that point I was being totally crazy twin and psycho. Like I’m not joking. And it makes me sick I was like this. I feel so guilty because of how I acted.

Because if that I want nothing to do with my twin. I don’t want to cause him anymore pain. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to be a crazy ***** no more. I think he does forgive me because the romantic hug thing happened 4 years after I started therapy for that rape.


SO.... a couple years ago, I moved country.
It was actually a holiday but missed my flight home so I decided to stay. Had no prospects at home, but within a couple of days abroad I got myself a job. At my job I met my current SO.

The day I landed in his country he lost his old job and his housemate got him a job at the place I would be working. I met him at my job because I cut myself and he had to stitch me up hahaha then we were friends, we found lots of things in common (like dBZ vegeta love ), and after a month we hooked up. And turned out he lived around the corner from me in this new city.

So things seemed to go well for us. It’s been nearly 3 years we’ve been together. We live together now and I’ve helped him so much in his life. I’ve helped him become an amazing man. He’s doing so well in his career - which he would have never had were it not for me!

I’m doing well too.

But I still think about my twin. I don’t feel the same connection with my SO, my SO definitely feels more like a soulmate, but it’s a beautiful relationship. I have never trusted someone so completely, I’ve never been able to be with someone so openly- even my twin - and I feel very safe and love and comfortable with my SO. What I have with my SO feels “real”. What I have with my twin feels like a bright burning flame - it’s very intense. Also with my twin, so much has happened that I don’t think we could ever trust each other enough to not hurt each other.


But at the same time, I find myself thinking about him a lot, and questioning my life and values and my relationship.

I’ve been seeing twins name everywhere, but I don’t know why, I just feel a pull to go back to my home country, and I think that’s him? I should also say that if I sit in a dark room (sometimes a well lit one), and especially when it’s a full moon or I’m on my period, I can see a figure appear to me that’s a being of blue light and that figure looks like my twin. I don’t know if that’s my mind projecting that, if it’s his higher self, if it’s like some sort of psychic thing because I’ve seen this figure have sex with another in an armchair, I’ve seen it drink tea, I’ve seen it pick it’s nose, I’ve seen it just walk around. I get scared when I see it sometimes because I feel like I’m going crazy or that I’m going to wake up in the middle of a field after taking that acid tab years ago. Or I’m going to wake up from the hypnotherapy I did with my therapist before I even met my twin...

I’ve been questioning my values lately because I was vegan for over 10 years and for the last 2 years, I haven’t been. I feel guilty and I feel like I can’t really be spiritual and not vegan? Also I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life. I’m stuck in a job I hate. I am living in a city I don’t like. I have no friends still and while I love my partner, I’m just feeling a little lost I guess. I can’t just up and move because I have to think of us. But I’m also thinking, I want kids someday (but I’m not sure) and my partner definitely does not. And I see families I follow on Instagram and I’m like...that’s what I want and I could see that with my twin? But also can see that with my partner but can’t imagine it with both twin or partner at the same time?

But I’ve been feeling like a shift in the twin thing.

I have grown as a person.

Maybe it’s because in a couple years, it will be 10 years since we met.
Also I’m in my Saturn return?

I’ve had really intense dreams with my twin where there’s also be a shift.

I had a dream where I was speaking to my twin and I was saying something like “no not like that” - I think because he was saying he didn’t want to hook up and I was saying I don’t want anything like that either and he’s face changed completely like a dawning realization hit him... but that was it. Hahaha i rarely have any hot and steamy dreams hahah it’s always **** like this hahah

Again though, that could just be my mental version of him forgiving me in my subconscious. The guilt I have manifested i his image letting go or something- who knows. It’s nice to think that “it’s your twins spirit communicating with you” but also that’s dangerous thinking for me because it goes back to that trap.

And when I remember how we were when things were good, I was NORMAL.
I wasn’t obsessed with the TF thing. I didn’t know what it was. I was just me and my awesome but crazy self.

And I feel like that’s what I’m going back to. But I’m not sacrificing me for anyone unless I trust them now.

I guess it’s just annoying more than anything.

Here I am, trying to move on with my life and build a life and I get reminders all the time of things I can’t forget.
So I guess.... I don’t know how valid signs and synchronicities are anymore....

Thanks if you read all that... I just needed to vent
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  #2  
Old 04-03-2021, 11:53 AM
BigJohn BigJohn is offline
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.....and you did vent.

Thanks for sharing.
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     whereas suffering is caused by a distorted mind.

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  #3  
Old 05-03-2021, 07:14 PM
MysticalShaman MysticalShaman is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In dreams
Posts: 518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigJohn
.....and you did vent.

Thanks for sharing.


Omg if you read through all of that you are a saint hahahaa

I really appreciate this forum for bing my emotional dumping ground... but also for gems like you who are super kind to all!

Thanks for not chewing me out!

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  #4  
Old 06-03-2021, 05:18 AM
Just Tim
Posts: n/a
 
Hello

I've had my crazy out of me too. You can have multiple awakenings, and to me it seems you are having another.

Also, I understand you don't want to hurt him, but with time you'll see that no matter how much goodwill you put out to it, we always end up hurting ourselves. You're not accountable for others' feelings.

Ah well, I understand pretty much all you have now is questions, spinning in circles. That too, will pass !

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