Love bombing

[Starman]

People process relationships in different ways depending on their emotional maturity. But I must say it is not totally about the other person, we have to also look at why we were attracted to a certain person, etc. There are people who go from one abusive relationship to another and they usually blame the other person. But the dysfunction in relationships do not stop until people work on themselves and change how they choose to have intimate relationships. It is the intimacy that causes the insanity so it helps to be careful about that. Unhealthy people have unhealthy intimacies, some have no concept of intimacy. Those who are closest to us can hurt us the most.

There are apathetic relationships, where people do not show and interest in each other yet they stay together anyway, codependent relationships where a person usually turns their personal power over to their partner, or counter-dependant relationships, where a person gladly accepts another person’s personal power. Codependents are attracted to counter-dependants. There are a lot of relationship types and most of them lock into other relationship types, like the codependent and counter-dependant. The Myers-Briggs Personality inventory, which was developed by two female psychologists, gives a pretty accurate picture of a person’s relationship type.

The bottom line is to have a healthy relationship, which involves arguments and disagreements in a healthy way. An emotionally healthy person will not allow themselves to get involved in a “love bomb” type relationship. They will recognize it early in the relationship, and either discuss it with the other person or leave the relationship, because staying in such a relationship can be toxic and unhealthy. It is our own emotional health that protects us in relationships. Lots of people have magical relationships where they expect frogs to turn into princes, and that could happen with help from a healthy partner, but it often does not happen.

Most of the problems human beings have are relationship problems; that is how to relate to others, especially a significant other, and also how we relate to ourselves. Most mental health problems are relationship problems. But it may be wise to understand that we can not learn how to have healthy relationships by giving up all relationships. People want different kinds of relationships and different things from a relationship. Not all people want the same kind of spouse or lover, or friend. It is a matter of personal preference. Although a lot of people do become infatuated when they first meet someone and they forget all about their preferences; they get involved and only find out later that should not have. Personally, intuition guides all of my relationships, the ones I have with others and the one I have with myself. This works for me.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Starman

People process relationships in different ways depending on their emotional maturity. But I must say it is not totally about the other person, we have to also look at why we were attracted to a certain person, etc. There are people who go from one abusive relationship to another and they usually blame the other person. But the dysfunction in relationships do not stop until people work on themselves and change how they choose to have intimate relationships. It is the intimacy that causes the insanity so it helps to be careful about that. Unhealthy people have unhealthy intimacies, some have no concept of intimacy. Those who are closest to us can hurt us the most.

There are apathetic relationships, where people do not show and interest in each other yet they stay together anyway, codependent relationships where a person usually turns their personal power over to their partner, or counter-dependant relationships, where a person gladly accepts another person’s personal power. Codependents are attracted to counter-dependants. There are a lot of relationship types and most of them lock into other relationship types, like the codependent and counter-dependant. The Myers-Briggs Personality inventory, which was developed by two female psychologists, gives a pretty accurate picture of a person’s relationship type.

The bottom line is to have a healthy relationship, which involves arguments and disagreements in a healthy way. An emotionally healthy person will not allow themselves to get involved in a “love bomb” type relationship. They will recognize it early in the relationship, and either discuss it with the other person or leave the relationship, because staying in such a relationship can be toxic and unhealthy. It is our own emotional health that protects us in relationships. Lots of people have magical relationships where they expect frogs to turn into princes, and that could happen with help from a healthy partner, but it often does not happen.

Most of the problems human beings have are relationship problems; that is how to relate to others, especially a significant other, and also how we relate to ourselves. Most mental health problems are relationship problems. But it may be wise to understand that we can not learn how to have healthy relationships by giving up all relationships. People want different kinds of relationships and different things from a relationship. Not all people want the same kind of spouse or lover, or friend. It is a matter of personal preference. Although a lot of people do become infatuated when they first meet someone and they forget all about their preferences; they get involved and only find out later that should not have. Personally, intuition guides all of my relationships, the ones I have with others and the one I have with myself. This works for me.

This is great! Enjoyed reading it. It is very toxic for someone to stay in this type of circumstance. The lack of emotional wellness is loud and clear.

It still doesn't make it right whether there is different love styles or not. More specifically when there are factors such as marriage, children and years involved. Many do hang on for the sake of the marriage or the kids. To me, it isn't always the person who falls into the trap of love bombing that is in the wrong for hanging on. If someone can't make up their mind about what they want, they should be coming back to divorce or sever the ties just as much as someone shouldn't put up with the hot and cold.

Navigating through life with intuition sounds lovely. The older we get, the easier that becomes from lessons learned.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Yes, good self reflection is key. Also, holding on for so long (years not weeks) to someone who doesn't take the connection seriously or isn't emotionally available for it, makes for lost opportunities with those that would be serious and ready. Sometimes the damage is just done between both parties and it's time.

Yes, true. Often it's the fear of being alone that keeps people stuck in unsatisfying relationships, I know that's something I really struggled to come to terms with in the wake of a break-up; it was only when I resolved to surrender to the terrible loneliness I felt that I could move past it (and sure enough, the desire for a romantic relationship all but disappeared). You do have to do the inner work to move past these issues, whereas a lot of people think that they just need to be in a relationship and then everything will be okay (and maybe it will be, for a while, but those issues will surface sooner or later).

[Starman]

LibbyScorp, Personally I do not use words like right and wrong when it comes to relationships, rather I use words like being safe and healthy. I worked in the mental health field and saw lots of women who were in domestic violence situations. Many of them did not want to leave their abusive relationship, because of their kids, or they felt they loved the guy and did not want to abandon him, etc. People who stay in abusive relationships usually normalize abuse; abuse becomes normal for them, and they themselves can become abusers.

My brother, now retired, was a Seattle police sergeant and he told me domestic violence calls are some of the most dangerous calls that police go to. Its really not about blaming or whose fault it is, rather it is about using every experience in life to grow ourselves and our consciousness. Blaming and right and wrong, and all that stuff, does not help. If a person is going to stay in and abusive relationship then they had better make sure they are safe. Unfortunately, people who stay in and abusive relationship are not being a healthy role model for their kids, and their kids, especially males, may pick up and model the abuse displayed by their dad when they grow up. Although, women can be abusive also.

People who so-called “love-bomb” usually do not build relationships. They are looking for instant gratification, passionate love on demand. There are people who believe in love at first sight but often it is just lust at first sight. People who stay in abusive relationships really never get to experience the richness of a healthy relationship. Relationships are seen differently around the world. I have lived in Japan where relationships are much different than in the U.S. This is also true of relationships in the middle-east, and other places. Culture, and our beliefs about relationships, form the basis for our relationships. A person’s culture has a big influence on how they view relationships.

I first started dating in Germany at the age of seven-teen. Dating a German female who had lived her whole life in Germany, was a lot different than dating an American female, or a Japanese female, etc. At that time the male/female relationships in Japan were much different than they were in the U.S. In India it is traditional for the parents to approve the marriage of their children. The relationship process is slightly different around the world.

A female friend of mine would have these big arguments with her boyfriend, and she would come and tell me about how she is fed up with her boyfriend and she said he is abusive and she is going to leave him. Then her and her boyfriend would have sex, afterwards she would tell me that everything is okay and they made up. This happened many times, clashes, crying, despair, abuse, and then sex, and everything is forgiven. Obvious to me, she was controlled by sex, and she never addressed the problems in her relationship. A lot of people think sex is love. There are a lot of people who have a better relationship in bed with their partner than they do out of bed with their partner.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Starman

LibbyScorp, Personally I do not use words like right and wrong when it comes to relationships, rather I use words like being safe and healthy. I worked in the mental health field and saw lots of women who were in domestic violence situations. Many of them did not want to leave their abusive relationship, because of their kids, or they felt they loved the guy and did not want to abandon him, etc. People who stay in abusive relationships usually normalize abuse; abuse becomes normal for them, and they themselves can become abusers.

My brother, now retired, was a Seattle police sergeant and he told me domestic violence calls are some of the most dangerous calls that police go to. Its really not about blaming or whose fault it is, rather it is about using every experience in life to grow ourselves and our consciousness. Blaming and right and wrong, and all that stuff, does not help. If a person is going to stay in and abusive relationship then they had better make sure they are safe. Unfortunately, people who stay in and abusive relationship are not being a healthy role model for their kids, and their kids, especially males, may pick up and model the abuse displayed by their dad when they grow up. Although, women can be abusive also.

People who so-called “love-bomb” usually do not build relationships. They are looking for instant gratification, passionate love on demand. There are people who believe in love at first sight but often it is just lust at first sight. People who stay in abusive relationships really never get to experience the richness of a healthy relationship. Relationships are seen differently around the world. I have lived in Japan where relationships are much different than in the U.S. This is also true of relationships in the middle-east, and other places. Culture, and our beliefs about relationships, form the basis for our relationships. A person’s culture has a big influence on how they view relationships.

I first started dating in Germany at the age of seven-teen. Dating a German female who had lived her whole life in Germany, was a lot different than dating an American female, or a Japanese female, etc. At that time the male/female relationships in Japan were much different than they were in the U.S. In India it is traditional for the parents to approve the marriage of their children. The relationship process is slightly different around the world.

A female friend of mine would have these big arguments with her boyfriend, and she would come and tell me about how she is fed up with her boyfriend and she said he is abusive and she is going to leave him. Then her and her boyfriend would have sex, afterwards she would tell me that everything is okay and they made up. This happened many times, clashes, crying, despair, abuse, and then sex, and everything is forgiven. Obvious to me, she was controlled by sex, and she never addressed the problems in her relationship. A lot of people think sex is love. There are a lot of people who have a better relationship in bed with their partner than they do out of bed with their partner.

Domestic abuse wasn't exactly the direction I intended on going with this but I'm thankful for your responses as they help me to think about all the different scenarios out there and some that hit home in my own heart. I live in Seattle! That's funny

Yes, culture plays a huge roll in how relationships are viewed as I have experienced this too.

Sex can really confuse things especially when it comes to women who generally tend to feel more emotion from it. Sometimes sex is used in attempts to fill the void no matter the gender.. So what if there is no sex involved because of something like distance?

I think that people who love bomb could have also been hurt in their past and do not wish to give their love, time and attention so freely to anyone anymore. And if they come back to a certain person over and over, it means they don't want to lose them but they also don't want to put the work in anymore. It's pretty selfish.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Domestic abuse wasn't exactly the direction I intended on going with this but ...

Yeah, threads wonder...but dom. abuse? Still, what you're talking about is, indeed, emotional abuse...tho, not physical...
I mean, I'm not giving any newsflash, of course.

[Starman]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

I think that people who love bomb could have also been hurt in their past and do not wish to give their love, time and attention so freely to anyone anymore. And if they come back to a certain person over and over, it means they don't want to lose them but they also don't want to put the work in anymore. It's pretty selfish.

Domestic abuse can also be emotional. Abuse can be emotional, physical, which includes sexual, etc. Domestic just means two people who are living together. Abuse may also include financial abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, etc. It is not strictly physical abuse. Violence happens in many different ways, it is basically violating the other person and that can happen in a lot of different ways.

I agree with what you have said about people who “love bomb,” they most likely have some emotional deprivation which they got from childhood or a past relationship. Kids who are emotionally deprived, or emotionally neglected, are desperate for love, and they become adults looking for and instant emotional fix. They move in quickly with all kinds of passion but usually have no skills to sustain a relationship because they had no healthy relationship models. If it is hurt from a past relationship then trust is the issue. Well, I hope it all works out for you. I have said enough.

P.S. My brother lives in Renton, WA but he did work for the Seattle P.D. I previously lived in Kent, WA but now live in Northern California. Yes, it is funny how small the world really is.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Yes, true. Often it's the fear of being alone that keeps people stuck in unsatisfying relationships, I know that's something I really struggled to come to terms with in the wake of a break-up; it was only when I resolved to surrender to the terrible loneliness I felt that I could move past it (and sure enough, the desire for a romantic relationship all but disappeared). You do have to do the inner work to move past these issues, whereas a lot of people think that they just need to be in a relationship and then everything will be okay (and maybe it will be, for a while, but those issues will surface sooner or later).

Yes. A lot of people spend a good majority of their lives in relationships without spending enough time with themselves in-between. It does take a lot of work to face yourself addressing and resolving the good, bad and ugly.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Yes. A lot of people spend a good majority of their lives in relationships without spending enough time with themselves in-between. It does take a lot of work to face yourself addressing and resolving the good, bad and ugly.

It sure does. It's challenging because it's counter-instinctual; the human tendency is to move towards pleasure and away from pain, but becoming free requires the willingness to open to pain and to face one's inner demons. You really have to want to be free and desire the truth more than you want to feel good.

[Love~is~All]

Originally Posted by A human Being

You really have to want to be free and desire the truth more than you want to feel good.

THAT is a truth bomb, ka-blam! :) A loving truth bomb, a hug and flowers explosion. Very nice. Deep, a real soul exploration dive.