My journey into Christianity and how it changed me

[Elfay]

And how it also opened my eyes to many things...

I grew up with no religion, my dad was Jewish and my
Mother had been raised Catholic. I was neither Jewish nor Catholic having never been baptized I wasn't a Christian either, nor a Jew. Though we celebrated all the Christian holidays and some traditional Jewish ones as well.

I didn't start believing in God until I was about 13. I knew there was a God even though I had never been raised to believe in Him, yet I did.

I struggled for years with it, still never baptized and never accepted in the Jewish faith because my mother wasn't s Jew. That itself confused me but instead I turned to Catholism in my early 20's but I still never converted.

To make a long story shorter I was "Saved" & finally Baptized not long ago. I was "Born again" as a Baptist, at the time it felt right. Very right but since becoming baptized a year later it stopped feeling right. I still have faith and believe in God just not the one I'm being told to praise.

I went from no religion to believing in God, exploring Catholism to becoming a Southern Baptist and now I am back to being spiritual. Christianity turns me off in so many ways, especially Baptists.

I didn't realize this until I was sitting with some friends at a Friday night service and I was so offended by much of what was being preached I found myself tuning it out to escape from it.

I am not putting Christianity down it's just not me. I do believe very strongly in God, Angels and such just not on the way it's preached. I don't believe I'm going to hell because of the life I've chosen to live, the life style I've chosen to live. I don't believe God is condemning me for what I'm doing. Or have done in my past. I totally believe in free will, if God has given us this free will isn't it our choice to live the life we decide is fit for us? I don't feel I need to justify my life to anyone. And I don't.

When asked what I now I say, "I'm spiritual" though I'm not all together sure what that all entails but it lets you know that not religious but I do believe in a God. And I'm totally fine with it.

I may still go to church with friends once in a while bit I can't be a part of a church and their concepts, believes. I don't have that Christian feeling, I felt it when I was saved in 2012 but it didn't last, what I felt. The feeling of God and being spiritual has always been there.

I'm open to other religions but I doubt I'll ever convert again. I may explore my Jewish "roots" from my dad's side but I doubt I'll become Jewish. But who knows, though right now I'm happy with my own believes.

Sadly this is a familiar lament. Something led you to the point of exploring Christianity but unfortunately you were alienated by the way it is practiced. The Church fails for many reasons but, largely, remains blind to their errant ways. I am reminded of a quote by G.K. Chesterton: "It is not so much that Christianity has failed, rather it is more that it has not been practiced yet"".

[Seawolf]

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[Elfay]

Originally Posted by Molearner

Sadly this is a familiar lament. Something led you to the point of exploring Christianity but unfortunately you were alienated by the way it is practiced. The Church fails for many reasons but, largely, remains blind to their errant ways. I am reminded of a quote by G.K. Chesterton: "It is not so much that Christianity has failed, rather it is more that it has not been practiced yet"".

Very true about the Church, it's taken me trying to fit in when in fact there never was any need to but at the time I felt the need to belong to an organized religion, I felt the only way to belong, to fit into society was to become part of a religion. Once I did I no longer needed it to realize it came from within, I didn't need an organized religion to feel complete -- whole. But like most things I had to go through it to discover this.

I'm happier now than I was before, before I was baptized only because I know I don't need it, before I felt empty without it, but I didn't realize to become complete had nothing to do with being a Christian, Jew, or any other organized religion.

I'm not condemning religions, they just aren't for me. I totally and wholly accept people of all faiths, just don't ask me to be a part of yours nor will I tell you that your faith is bad or wrong...

Part of it, if not all of it is my own spiritual growth, the more I'm accepting of my spiritualism the more I begin to understand it and the less I need the confines of religions such as Christianity.

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by Elfay

And how it also opened my eyes to many things...

I grew up with no religion, my dad was Jewish and my
Mother had been raised Catholic. I was neither Jewish nor Catholic having never been baptized I wasn't a Christian either, nor a Jew. Though we celebrated all the Christian holidays and some traditional Jewish ones as well.

I didn't start believing in God until I was about 13. I knew there was a God even though I had never been raised to believe in Him, yet I did.

I struggled for years with it, still never baptized and never accepted in the Jewish faith because my mother wasn't s Jew. That itself confused me but instead I turned to Catholism in my early 20's but I still never converted.

To make a long story shorter I was "Saved" & finally Baptized not long ago. I was "Born again" as a Baptist, at the time it felt right. Very right but since becoming baptized a year later it stopped feeling right. I still have faith and believe in God just not the one I'm being told to praise.

I went from no religion to believing in God, exploring Catholism to becoming a Southern Baptist and now I am back to being spiritual. Christianity turns me off in so many ways, especially Baptists.

I didn't realize this until I was sitting with some friends at a Friday night service and I was so offended by much of what was being preached I found myself tuning it out to escape from it.

I am not putting Christianity down it's just not me. I do believe very strongly in God, Angels and such just not on the way it's preached. I don't believe I'm going to hell because of the life I've chosen to live, the life style I've chosen to live. I don't believe God is condemning me for what I'm doing. Or have done in my past. I totally believe in free will, if God has given us this free will isn't it our choice to live the life we decide is fit for us? I don't feel I need to justify my life to anyone. And I don't.

When asked what I now I say, "I'm spiritual" though I'm not all together sure what that all entails but it lets you know that not religious but I do believe in a God. And I'm totally fine with it.

I may still go to church with friends once in a while bit I can't be a part of a church and their concepts, believes. I don't have that Christian feeling, I felt it when I was saved in 2012 but it didn't last, what I felt. The feeling of God and being spiritual has always been there.

I'm open to other religions but I doubt I'll ever convert again. I may explore my Jewish "roots" from my dad's side but I doubt I'll become Jewish. But who knows, though right now I'm happy with my own believes.

Your post is oh so familiar. I grew up in a southern baptist church, pulled away from it in my twenties, went back after I got married and had a family because I wanted my children to be raised in the church, and I TRIED SO HARD to make it fit, to walk the straight and narrow, to fit in.. but it did NOT feel right. It went against something inside of me, which is when I decided that I must be a bad fruit, I must be a tare among the wheat, a wolf in sheeps clothing. I just basically gave up and accepted hell as my destiny. How utterly heartbreaking to think about. Thankfully I fell into spirituality after meeting an all time low in my life. Spirituality opened my eyes and more importantly opened my heart. Now, I am in a great place spiritually, the only down side is a I have a hunger for more and more. More answers, more knowledge, more love. But as for religion, Its not for me.

Originally Posted by Jatd

Your post is oh so familiar. I grew up in a southern baptist church, pulled away from it in my twenties, went back after I got married and had a family because I wanted my children to be raised in the church, and I TRIED SO HARD to make it fit, to walk the straight and narrow, to fit in.. but it did NOT feel right. It went against something inside of me, which is when I decided that I must be a bad fruit, I must be a tare among the wheat, a wolf in sheeps clothing. I just basically gave up and accepted hell as my destiny. How utterly heartbreaking to think about. Thankfully I fell into spirituality after meeting an all time low in my life. Spirituality opened my eyes and more importantly opened my heart. Now, I am in a great place spiritually, the only down side is a I have a hunger for more and more. More answers, more knowledge, more love. But as for religion, Its not for me.

Here is what religion does so often......It cannot be denied that religion has relied heavily on playing the guilt card and intimidates by fear. My circumstance differs from yours somewhat because my home church was not one of those that assail its adherents with hellfire and damnation. The shortcoming of my church is that it does not come close to plumbing the depths and the wisdom of scriptures. It is actually more of a social gathering among like people(like in the sense of income, education, community status, race, etc.) 1 John 4:18 states: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear"...........a very large part of Christianity ignores this and have found that fear intimidates people into joining churches. To me, that is a total perversion of scripture.

[Elfay]

I'd go through these phases, I'd try so hard to be "good" I'd alienate people, friends because of my need to do what the church demanded I do, I feel guilty being my Self... My self discipline would last possibly a month or 2 then I'd come to my senses but by then I ended up losing friends because I deemed them not "worthy" to have in my life or they wouldn't go with the life style I was trying to sustain...

I'd feel guilty living the life I was, the people I knew and associated with. I tried so hard to live a so called "clean life" only it wasn't me. It's not that I did drugs or drank & smoked, I didn't but I knew a lot of people that did and other things... I've been fighting my self my entire life over things I was, I wouldn't accept myself whom I was, I needed to be someone else instead of the woman God made me as.

It's taken me a long time to be okay with my self, I am different than most and I'm okay with it. I love whom I am and finally realizing it's okay to be the way I am and I've met others that are as weird as I am and they have learned to be comfortable in their own skin as well. It's a good thing. I'm not ashamed of what I think, or what I say or do.

The hardest part is 2 of my closest friends are very Christian and while I accept their choice to be the way they are, I know one of my friends is not as accepting -- or wasn't before, there is a possibility her heart has opened to accept others the way she wasn't able to before. I use to go to church with her and retreats... I can't see myself sitting through fear based services and most are.

Yes I believe in heaven and hell, maybe not the same ones Christianity preaches about but I believe. But I don't believe that God is going to strike me down if I don't abide by what the bible tells me to do or what the Pastor tells me to do... I've always had a hard time with that. It's not because I was above that it just never felt right, it didn't fit.

God is about love, not about fear and I believe that is what He is all about -- love.

You may not always like your religious circumstance, your supposed to keep faith even through hardship though.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Molearner

Here is what religion does so often......It cannot be denied that religion has relied heavily on playing the guilt card and intimidates by fear.

Religion doesn't do anything, people do. Religion is about beliefs to help us connect to God or whatever you believe in. People are human and imperfect, just like me and everyone else.

Religion is about having spiritual beliefs, which in the hands of humans can be used for good or harm just like anything else.. money, science, relationships, etc.

The Church is human beings like us, so to blame them doesn't make sense either, because if we are honest we recognize we are the same because we are human beings.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Elfay

God is about love, not about fear and I believe that is what He is all about -- love.

God is what you believe he is about. It doesn't matter what other people believe. They aren't in control of you, and therefore they are not to blame.

We are responsible for what we have done in life and who we have associated with, what we have allowed ourselves to do and believe. It's ok though, we're growing and it's not about feeling guilty about what we have done, but taking responsibility and making a change in ourselves instead of playing the helpless victim or the blame game.