Divorce

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by hallow

I grew up with my father beating my mom and know what it looks like, and it bothers the hell out of me whenever I hear about the topic. Makes me want to bash there teeth in. Best wishes, and if you ever need to let off some steam I'll be around.

YIKES! My husband has never ever hit me, and I pray he never will. How horrifying to witness that!

And thank you SO much.

[LoveWater]

He is probably moving out IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am THRILLED. The sooner the better for me.

[hallow]

Originally Posted by LoveWater

He is probably moving out IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am THRILLED. The sooner the better for me.

That works too congratulations?!?!?!?

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by hallow

That works too congratulations?!?!?!?

Yes, congratulations is appropriate! Thanks!

He has not confirmed this officially with our landlord, but he says he has found a place to live and can move in one week.

[LoveWater]

It does leave me in a bind financially though if he moves out. I cannot afford the full rent on my own, except for through a bank loan I took out. I will have to find a roommate, or get evicted if I cannot find a roommate.

It's risky, but living under the same roof with him for any amount of time is absolute and sheer HELL. I am unleashing my anger on him, I am also avoiding him by locking myself in my room all night. It's a living NIGHTMARE.

[hallow]

Originally Posted by LoveWater

It does leave me in a bind financially though if he moves out. I cannot afford the full rent on my own, except for through a bank loan I took out. I will have to find a roommate, or get evicted if I cannot find a roommate.

It's risky, but living under the same roof with him for any amount of time is absolute and sheer HELL. I am unleashing my anger on him, I am also avoiding him by locking myself in my room all night. It's a living NIGHTMARE.

It is tough, I been there. My ex moved out on me, she found someone different and moved in with them. She did that twice. She came back for a 3 time but I didn't take her back. I thought of it like this, everyone makes mistakes so I took her back, but you don't make a mistake like that twice. Life's to short to play games with someone you love. It will be tough but you'll make it. Just have to keep focused on your goals.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by hallow

It is tough, I been there. My ex moved out on me, she found someone different and moved in with them. She did that twice. She came back for a 3 time but I didn't take her back. I thought of it like this, everyone makes mistakes so I took her back, but you don't make a mistake like that twice. Life's to short to play games with someone you love. It will be tough but you'll make it. Just have to keep focused on your goals.

Thanks for your support.

He has made far too many mistakes at this point. SO many lies.. I think he may be a pathological liar. When I recently caught him cheating, he kept telling more lies that were SO transparent. He tried to downplay the whole thing, and make it seem like I had misinterpreted the whole situation. He must think I'm really stupid and naive. I told him I don't believe a single word he says at this point, and that he has lost all credibility with me.

Life IS too short to play games in love. Love is so very precious and so is a person's heart. A heart should never be toyed with.

I am trying to look at the positive side of things. He was a burden in my life in many ways, and now I can be free of that burden.

[LoveWater]

So yesterday I got angry blame, deflections, and false accusations from him. He was trying to turn it all around on me to make me be the bad guy rather than him. He was trying to take the heat off of his infidelity. I wasn't having it.

Then this morning, I got tears and begging and pleading. "I don't want this", he said while crying, and "but I love you".

I closed the door on him and told him I am not hearing it.

Now I am not even agreeing to speak with him. I demanded that he only try to speak with me if it's about important and necessary moving or apartment details.

I am shutting him out completely.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hope you both can move on in the best of ways, I can imagine this must be very hard. If someone is cheating it can be over various things, effort to make the other one jealous, something missing in the relationship, what one think is cheating the other does not think it is and so forth. I don't excuse it naturally but I don't think it is an unusual happening at the end of a relationship. I am so sorry for your pain. The situation with you two still living together must be immensely difficult. Hoping for brighter days!

Thanks.

He and I had literally 100 conversations about cheating and the various forms of cheating. He knew I had been cheated on several times in the past, and he knew how devastatingly hurtful and harmful it was to me. He also knew it was the ONE thing that would make me divorce him and which would hurt me THE MOST. He had PROMISED and SWORN to me in those 100 conversations that he would NEVER EVER cheat, and not in ANY way. He claimed that he never even looked at other women, and that he didn't consider them sexually anymore. HE LIED.

So please... please understand the full depth of this ULTIMATE betrayal on his part and the DEPTH of the pain I feel as a result of his LIES to me about this.It has been MOST harmful to me.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Obviously he broke the understanding you had made, if you now even had 100 talks about it and so it is in a way a double betrayal.

Yes, I understand, but even if it is deeply hurtful to you now I think in time your energy about it will transform and give you the extra energy to get rid of him once and for all.

It is deeply ashaming experience that you had to go through this in the past as well, sometimes without even being so aware of it we pretty much have a particular type we fall for and unknowingly to us that type can be absolutely destructive for one self and not at all how one self is. Not saying it is your fault. I can say for myself I have had the same types I had fallen for in this life, and as it turn out in past life as well. Same or similar issues returning. And one has no clue to why it comes back like that.

I respect your pain naturally, please don't think anything else, I only wanted you to feel somewhat better about it, somehow, clumpsy me, I was once in for an ugly surprise as I had never even talked about what I thought was cheating and what he thought etc and all I can say is that I learn that the energy that made me hurt, feel insecure, jealous, blue transformed and in the end made me feel very strong.

I think once it get to that stage for you, and I believe it will, you will have the extra energy, push you need in this nightmare of a situation.

Please take good care

Thank you for this.

You worded it perfectly. It IS a double blow and a double betrayal. He lied to me for the entire last year, claiming he is "not wired that way", meaning not wired to cheat. Then he cheats! What a two faced liar.

I have had far too many abusers in my life and definitely have a pattern that needs correction. I will address it in therapy and will heal myself over the next many months and year.

I know this much: I deserve FAR better.