Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

he saw something
very beautiful
while meditating

it made him sad
again
because he is so tired
of chasing this
and chasing that
thing without compare

only to never have it resolved.

now he feels deflated
not sure
he wants to continue.

in other ways
it is also like
what is the point?

all this work
and all he gets
is some ignoble ending.

sometimes he thinks
if he could go back
and tell himself
not even to begin

he would.

[FallingLeaves]

ok
so maybe
he is a bit melodramatic
he supposes
*just maybe*
*someday*
he will get back to meditation again
lol

[FallingLeaves]

he guesses
his friend jazzy
is off
getting lost in her twin

well must be nice for her!.

meanwhile for him
it is back to his
regularly scheduled
lonely life...

[FallingLeaves]

didn't think you'd talk to me, any more. Everyone leaves rather quickly... sigh...

[FallingLeaves]

another one who doesn't like me...
I'd wonder
what I did wrong
this time
if I weren't so inured
to the whole thing
I guess...

still don't feel
like drifting back
into the arms
of my rather mean
twin flame
right now
though

guess I get to cry some more.

[FallingLeaves]

he keeps forgetting
this life
is just
one punishment after another
a kind of personal hell

it is never going to get better.

[FallingLeaves]

he remembers a dream he had
why just yesterday!
it was kinda awful.

Girl he knew from college
wondered why he wouldn't pursue her
decided he must be gay.

so he got stuck in a room
with all the gay people
and didn't much appreciate the dream after that

he has to insert a shameless political correctness here
because of all the silly politically correct people
-there is nothing wrong with being gay
he just doesn't like it for himself.

anyway, it figures,
just another girl
finding a way to hurt him...

which really is
after all
the reason he won't pursue girls

he's always had a feeling
that they will just find a way
to hurt him...

but he knows
it is more than that too...
he doesn't talk about it
any more
but never could appreciate being male.

Much easier being female
one doesn't have to hurt oneself
chasing around after things
one isn't going to be allowed to have
anyway.

of course if you are a male
who would much rather be female
you are a kinda in the desert
and out of luck.
-------------------------------------------------------
so this morning
he dreamt of another girl
from college
the first favorite female he called her.

run of the mill dream
but he found himself
unsettled
anyway.

maybe because its always been obvious
how alone he has to be
even when he hasn't wanted to accept it.
---------------------------------------------------------

sigh.

[FallingLeaves]

he reckons
he could find a way
to chase around after
this new girl

but honestly
it just hurts
even thinking about it.

he is so tired of reaching out
only to get slapped around.

and he never really liked
that he had to be the one
to reach out
to begin with...

so he figures
"just this once"
he'll let it go
and not grab
at what he can't have anyway.

and maybe his head
will stop hurting too.

[FallingLeaves]

he thinks
he doesn't like his twin

she is just mean.

[FallingLeaves]

he has just been
coasting

hasn't wanted to do much
besides sleep

maybe also
he thinks
he's been too ridiculous
about this idea
of actually getting somehwere...

lol...