Christianity and mid-life pre-marital sex

[Cosmosis]

I am 48 years old.. a couple years out of a 20 yr divorce.

I was dating a wonderful woman for the past 15 months.. we even started talking about marriage. Super in love. We even agreed that we never felt true love in our lives until we met each other.
The other day she broke it off. I am 99.9% sure it is permanent. She is extremely into Christianity- for 39 years. She was even married to a pastor for 20 yrs.
She claims that I will never be able to change to be compatible with her level of Christianity. Even though I go to church and believe in God. She puts her core values over true love. I don't. I don't think theres anything more powerful than true love. But she doesn't agree, so she ended it. Since I don’t walk around as a proclaimed “believer” means I’m not good enough for her, and I don’t devote all my free time to small groups and talking with pastors and I am not raising my daughter as a Christian while she’s raising her 3 kids as Christians (pretty much her words). The past 15 months were some of the best times of our lives- even though she kept her relationship with me completely hidden from all her friends and family.
I didn’t let myself believe that hardcore Christians cannot co-exist with regular Christians in a romantic relationship. For Heavens sake.. she has been having premarital sex with me for over a year!
I don’t like what Christianity has done to this woman who was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life, and it really makes me question if I have faith anymore, or even want to continue pursuing God.

[hazada guess]

If she was a true Christian, she wouldn't have had a physical relationship before marriage. She is using her religion a an excuse...............You've been dumped, move on.

A biblical definition of sexual immorality would have to include sex before marriage. That means that all the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality in general also condemn sex before marriage. These include Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 1:7; and Revelation 21:8.

[Cosmosis]

What about this: The religious doctrine that outlines premarital sex- I understand as it applies to youngsters in modern day. of course, i dont want my daughter having premarital sex, regardless of if she is being raised Christian or not.

But for divorcees in their 40s and 50s.. well.. we aren’t living in the time this doctrine was written, roughly 2000 years ago. How can I ever expect to fully know another woman with all the logistical parameters that we face in modern day without marrying her first? This woman and I lived 25 miles apart, each have kids, full-time jobs, and 100 other day to day responsibilities and stressors that didn’t exist 2000 yrs ago. We were only able to see each other a couple times per week. This isn’t 2000 yrs ago where you met someone and they lived in the same village and you saw them all the time and your families knew each other and you built a house in the same village and get married and THEN become intimate. The world has changed.

We were deeply in love, and waited 6 months to become intimate once we proclaimed our love to each other. Logistically, financially, etc.. it would’ve been IMPOSSIBLE to get married anytime soon. We are both in our late 40s.. we don’t have that kind of time to wait to express ourselves the way we want. I just dont see how that doctrine could apply.

But obviously, her guilt and shame got the best of her.. and she broke my heart in a way that I will never be able to explain for the rest of my life. How can Christianity rationalize this? I just dont see it.

[hazada guess]

That is for you to peruse...........Is the Bible/Christianity outdated?

Me, I'm not a Christian.(For that main reason).

[Cosmosis]

Wow! Not the answer I was expecting.

So what are you? Care to share your story?

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by Cosmosis

I don’t devote all my free time to small groups and talking with pastors ...

For some people, the community of a church is very important to them. It's a big part of their lives or lifestyle. Going to small groups for bible study or whatever several days a week. I would guess she wanted you to become involved with her church?

I think relationships can be hard because as adults we have our own interests and habits etc. I know of a couple that broke up because the man went to a soccer club with soccer activities three nights a week and he wanted her to come to all of that and join the club as well. She refused as she had no interest in playing soccer nor attending the "social times" after their coed soccer matches which typically were in bars.

I myself could not adapt and be with someone who wanted me to be social and attend church groups as I have severe social anxiety. I can't make small talk. Really I have problems talking socially in person with anyone I don't know really well. They say something and my mind just goes blank. I can't produce a response.

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by hazada guess

If she was a true Christian, she wouldn't have had a physical relationship before marriage.

I'm not so sure about that. I knew a young woman who was a hard core Christian. I mean really hard core! She talked to me about Jesus all the time and she was always talking about God in everything she did. Like if she applied for a job, she would say, "if God wants me to get it I will, it's all in Gods hands, up to God." She really believed that for every little detail in her life. She also was part of a big church and went to it five nights a week and volunteered there in their school and stuff. That's where I met her. But she would sometimes sleep with people she was dating. I asked her about that once and she said pleasure was a gift from God and good. She saw nothing wrong with it. She was a very kind and nice sweet Christian woman. Would do anything for anyone to help them. She was a good friend but then I moved away from the city she lived in and don't have contact with her anymore.

[hazada guess]

Maisy........

She could have acted the part of a devout Christian though with rules to suit herself and not the Bible.

Cosmosis............I'm a spiritualist, which doesn't mean that I don't believe in the God source.It is for each person to decide on their faith and after much studying, Spiritualism is the right one for me, I also have been shown proof, through Medium ship,

[sky]

Where in the New Testament is Pre-marital Sex discussed....I know immortality is mentioned but not to sure about Pre-marital sexual relationships

[hazada guess]

See my post #2 sky, anyway I'll leave you all to it as it's evening here in the UK and I want to watch telly.