What's the strangest thing a medium ever told you?

[energy4ever]

Innerlight's words: Somethings are destined to happen, and it will happen regardless of what we do. Others are fated to happen, and we have more leeway over changing the course.

That really changes how I look at things. Thank you for telling me!

[energy4ever]

I love reading what you have all written here. If I could add one more thing that I believe it has taught me is that my dad when we were growing up would never give us a compliment. I did not have the faintest idea if he thought I was pretty. If anything I thought he was displeased with how I looked. I remember this one time I thought I finally had it going on, I had nailed it, was a good picture of the whole class, including me, and I asked what he thought and he pointed at the girl who had the best grades. She had this and that that were beautiful, like her hair and her eyes. Not a word about me. I didn't say anything. I put it away some time later. My brother saw the picture, made a high five I think, as he knew too I had the hots for someone. It would mean the hiding and shame in the bathroom had I come off that picture the wrong way.

Then one day something bad happened to Dad and he was in the hospital for some time. I would hear it from complete strangers who would tell me he was so proud of me. He even had a nickname for me (that I had never heard off)! He had bragged to them what he thought I was good at (which he had never told me about, of course). I thought for sure there had to have been some mistake.

I have a friend who went to a medium and this medium would explain there was a dead relative there. She went out of there in shock. Everything else had made sense with the relative except for when the relative explained the love and the compliments for her. All the time while alive this relative had not communicated in any way that there was any love there. Had been nothing but a stiff up introvert. Passing out orders.

I am thinking perhaps it has been because of my dad's ways that I always make sure, even with strangers, to give them compliments? Everyone got something. So far I have not met someone who don't have something rocking. If there was a VIP room I would let everyone in. Sometimes I think how did I get in here? How did I pass? But they let me in. They think I'm like them. I'm full of errors. I should have the name errors on my forehead. Everyone else too only some act like they don't and we all buy it. I always tell people something good about their looks, their choice of wardrobe, what ever it is I see. I tell them. I don't jump at them to tell them. I go "by the way…". I don't make a big thing out of it. I don't go "Attention, please! This way! Look here everybody!" and so far nobody has objected. They smile. They say thank you. We can start to talk , if we want to. Just small talk. Then we part.

It's a harsh world. What ever you can do to make it a little bit better it's the way to go. I tell them too about a quality they have I like/love about them. I could be gone tomorrow. I want them to know. For all I know they could have someone like my dad in their household. Then they need someone like me, ha ha. They may not agree with what I've said, but I still hope, imagine it get stuck there somewhere. Who knows? They could have heard that compliment a 1000 times before. So what? now it is the 1001 time then. I don't care. I want good things to get stuck somewhere instead of the bad or the nothingness. The nothingness is bad too. I think people like my dad go the nothingness way as afraid to do wrong or will feel stupid. I saw how he was raised. He passed that on to me. I thought it was time to change tradition. I can go stupid. No problem. It's on me. I can take it. You have to breath for something, right?

[FallingLeaves]

from my pov.... noone ever showed me how to do compliments... I was made to be isolated, emotionally, so I never learned very much about how to relate in any way. In some sense it was like I wasn't given clothes to wear... I've had to stitch my own but I'm not good at tayloring and the result is awkward at best... at some point I got tired of stitching too so the result is unfinished...

I've tried compliments in the past anyway but couldn't get past the feeling I was doing people a disservice so I kinda stopped. I think about doing it still sometimes but can't get past the feeling I would be doing people a disservice by pumping them up. Or that people will choose one of the many ways to take it wrong and I'll get negative emotions thrown my way... I've had a lot of negative emotions thrown my way for no really good reason and I'm a little wary about that...

at the same time I both miss being complimented myself and am not sure it is a good thing to have compliments given...

so usually nowadays I try to stop myself from being mean if I feel like saying something mean (I'm not always successful at that), but that is the most I can do to respect that others have feelings too...

all that said I respect a lot of the things various people are saying and I'm learning and growing as a result of my interactions with people. So I'm very thankful to be here.

sigh.

[dream jo]

I've tried compliments in the past anyway but couldn't get past the feeling I was doing people a disservice so I kinda stopped. I think about doing it still sometimes but can't get past the feeling I would be doing people a disservice by pumping them up. Or that people will choose one of the many ways to take it wrong and I'll get negative emotions thrown my way... I've had a lot of negative emotions thrown my way for no really good reason and I'm a little wary about that...

at the same time I both miss being complimented myself and am not sure it is a good thing to have compliments given...

so usually nowadays I try to stop myself from being mean if I feel like saying something mean (I'm not always successful at that), but that is the most I can do to respect that others have feelings too...

all that said I respect a lot of the things various people are saying and I'm learning and growing as a result of my interactions with people. So I'm very thankful to be here.

sigh.[/quote]


I taught myself I did I taught myself tarot cards but I learnt a lot on here and development class
I've had it all my life I've had it all my life and heard it I never thought I belonged because I was strange I am not a good person Eliza I'm a good person but it took me a long time to realise I'm good so
Ad I've got decent friends now so don't put me down they Lift Me Up and it up things with my life

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

and yet god said 'I will withhold even the END THAT MUST BE' if you will but turn from your sinful ways.

There is a saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink. Being led to that water, can be seen as destiny. It was meant to happen. Perhaps by forces beyond our control.

Yet, that horse, or us, can choose to drink and be nourished and live another day. Or can choose to not drink, and die of dehydration. Which is what fate would have been at that point. For every action in this universe will have a reaction to it of some kind.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by innerlight

Yet, that horse, or us, can choose to drink and be nourished and live another day. Or can choose to not drink, and die of dehydration. Which is what fate would have been at that point. For every action in this universe will have a reaction to it of some kind.

true enough... my point though was at some point the horse DOES have the choice to drink or not, whether or not it drinks isn't itself written in stone. So the end doesn't HAVE to be what we think it will be, it still depends on our choice.

The fact is though that a lot of people buy into your original statement: things are written in stone, fate/destiny rules all and there is never a choice. Personally I don't find it very productive to keep propagating that point of view...

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by dream jo

I taught myself I did I taught myself tarot cards but I learnt a lot on here and development class
I've had it all my life I've had it all my life and heard it I never thought I belonged because I was strange I am not a good person Eliza I'm a good person but it took me a long time to realise I'm good so
Ad I've got decent friends now so don't put me down they Lift Me Up and it up things with my life

don't get me wrong I'm not unhappy with my lot, much as I've had things to complain about still there has been kind of an interesting life to eke out of it.... I'm glad you have friends, I know that helps

[energy4ever]

That is what is so good about this: Learning.
I see it this way: Some have a greater uphill, greater baggage to carry. The reasons for this that can be explained by their history, wounds and can be explained by them not knowing or being aware of what a great uphill they have and what luggage they carry. That they can even lighter their baggage. Now lets say I have with me this big bread that I want to give them. The big bread being my love for them. I have had no trouble carrying that big bread with me before I met them as I have had a less greater uphill to climb, I had a different road, and less baggage. They in return, catching breath, give me their love. Their love is this tiny little bread, 1 slice of it. But that is all the bread they have. That is all they can expose off. The rest has to go to themselves so they can keep on climbing that uphill and keep on carrying that heavy luggage. To them I can imagine it is just as valuable as the big bread I am ready to give to them.

[FallingLeaves]

with all due respect I'm all for getting rid of baggage and do it, a lot. The problem for me is, everyone sees that I do it so I must like it so they want to give me more baggage to get rid of! Whereas I just wish I could be free of it! I used to be so upset with that but now it is kinda amusing lol!

I get that you want what you want and honestly you deserve it. Another of my problems though is that although I change and grow sometimes slowly and sometimes like crazy, and often will put myself out there even though I think it is going to hurt for the sake of others, anytime I make a promise people get in my way and make it so I can't fulfill the promise. And then when I can't fulfill the promise guess what? Rejection!

So I've learned to be stingy about promises about the future. Which as I'm seeing is actually a good idea for other reasons lol... all this trying to get guarantees about the future seems somehow unlikeable to god. But that just leads to more problems with people because everyone is all about what they can get and the sooner the better... and if I'm not handing out gifts what good am I? But I'm not santa and don't have gifts to give...

Honestly though, I've been burned so many times I've got a strong case of buyer's remorse at this point, and am not even sure continuing to try to connect to people is a good idea. I'm coming to the point of understanding, that maybe I just shouldn't... not that I don't want to, just, all i've come to know is dealing with life on my own and I'm not sure it is a good idea to continue to try to change that mix.

As if I could lol!

thank you for talking to me! I only rarely get a chance to say what I really feel about all this and that is precious

[energy4ever]

Fallingleaves: If you have that kind of people around you that want to give you more baggage instead of being joyous on your behalf when you have gotten rid of such things, then you have the wrong sort of people around you!

We can get stuck in an old identity! Perhaps you are stuck! I was stuck more before than now. It is not something you think about. You think you are who you are and you can't change it but you can. Once you start to recognize what you are comes from somewhere and why you can change it and see things with different eyes.

My behavior came from helping lighten the feeling at home when I grew up. It was to try to win parent's approval.
I chose two men that were the same type my own dad was. I did not know that then of course. They did not hold a gun to my head. I chose them. They chose me. But there were others too where chemistry was right that chose me. But I did not chose them. Because I had something to work out that I did not know I had back then. All in the subconscious. I chose two men who could only afford like my dad to give me a slice of bread. That was all I thought I was worthy off in a way, what I was used to. I was trying to finally get whole, get through, get peace with the two men that I in reality wanted to get with my father but had not been able to. That had not been my fault. That had been my dad's fault but you know children, they blame themselves for everything. I had had the same insecurities, the same frustration, the same lack of communication (my dad being the worst of it when I needed it the most), the same game that my dad did to mom and other women I guess, that I then had with these two men. One would think when I began to feel bad and began to feel insecure that it would be red flag that there was something wrong with the man I had chosen but instead like always before I blamed myself for it.

Those patterns starts early in life. Who we think we are creates early but they are not written in stone. Not only had I chosen two men that were unhealthy for me, I had few friends too that were the same type as they were. I had accepted a role early on in my relationship with my father and the defects, the limitation, the wounds, from that relationship kept repeating itself in these other types of relationships. These were not the kind of people I needed in my life. I only needed them there for as long as they were there til I finally understood what was going on with me, with them. Then that defect, that wound in me was healed. Please Be weary of the people that bring you new baggage, but know too the most important thing which is that that they are telling you something about you. They are not the main character, but you are in your own life story, what you learn about yourself because of the relationship with them is.

You are in charge of your identity, you are not only a victim of it, You can rescue yourself. Be your own hero. We get to be victims at one point or points in life but I think we have what it takes to save ourselves later on. It is so difficult before we figure out the how but there is a how. We can ask others for help, we can keep on trying to find answers.

There are other types of people around too but you have to chose them. You may not think they are around you but they are, it is only that you reject them in a split second if your subconscious is on another mission.
There is no reason to get frustrated, get hurt and have other negative feelings to those who try to take you down with them, those who give you new baggage. They are trapped in their own way. They have their own pain. You only have to recognize it, your own patterns. Their patterns. That way you can get out of each other ways when there is no positive outcome from it. When you are not getting no where. When the cost is too great.
When we do things we do it is because we believe it is the right thing to do. We base it on something. My dad believed it was the right thing to do to not give, to not talk to me like that. I know he came from a home, from parents who would do that to him. I think you are right there. you were never taught. I was taught. I had other people in my life, in my family, in my circle who taught me that, who taught me what he didn't. Only If you want to you can learn. You can learn to do something else. But to want to change that you first of all have to think what you are doing is not working for you, is not working for nobody, is not the right thing to do. If we don't, if we keep on defending it, if we think it is still the right thing to do we keep on doing it. We then continue in this world doing harm. We not only place out harms on others but ourselves as it always comes back to you. We're stupid sometimes as we don't get that til it hits us in the face.
It was a mix of not intending to hurt me and intending to hurt me with the two men but they believed what they did was right. I believe that is what stands behind all our actions: We believe we are right!
On the things that were done to not hurting me with intention it is easy to forgive. The things that were done with intentions were not but I have done so.

It was the hurt that made me not interested in keeping the relationships and made what ever interest or love I thought I had had before for those two to die out, they killed that. I didn't. They killed it for me.

I knew then there were many people including men I did not know as of still to be out there to be shaped in such a way that they would give big breads and not only a slice of it (like those two) and that that is what I deserved when I was like them.
I stopped taking on the blame, the failure, the insecurity thinking it was me anymore, all these things that allowed me to exist, accept only a slice of bread before hoping for more.

All the same, when I look at one of these two men, I can now appreciate that one of them came to understand without me saying anything about it (when it was over) that how he had treated me had been bad, that he insisted on asking of my forgiveness. I would say that was progress for him. At the time because of everything he had done I was not sure I could trust his words, but now I can say that at least he tried to make things right again . He had killed my love for him but because of how I had been no matter what I had not killed his for me. I suppose that was his own punishment then, that he couldn't get me back when he wanted to. The other man was only a shadow of the previous one as I had not yet worked through everything I needed with me still then choosing the same type. I could have been only a shadow for him as well. It didn't make a big impact on me. I don't think it did on him as well. We only parted. It was a relief. I had outgrown him and my old self at that point.

I'm learning from both the dead and the living. I think that could be why it is such sensation because they in spirit can know more now then when alive and they can teach us if we open up to it. We can all teach each other.