Urge to leave boyfriend

[Flowers]

Just leave him cause he is not the right guy

A few points I want to make here:

1. If he has been diagnosed as bi-polar - is he being treated? Is he on medication for it? If he is, then yes, there is a good chance that things will continue to improve. If it stops the abuse, that is the #1 most important thing. If it doesn't - well, that is where I draw the line...

2. It is never easy leaving a relationship, and/or starting over....But you are the most important part of this equation. Staying in a toxic relationship will only end up hurting you (both physically and emotionally) and that is not fair to you.

3. Also consider things from the viewpoint of his recovery and growth. Is he maybe just using you as a "crutch"? He knows you will be there - that you will do things for him - so he doesn't have to? That is not healthy for him - if he is bi-polar, he has to learn to deal with his condition, and manage his life, without relying on anyone else to handle things for him....If he is not willing to work on himself, then he will not be any more willing to work on your relationship....Do you want to spend your life feeling like a maid/nurse/cook/caregiver...or do you want an equal partner?

So, my best advise - consider things from every perspective, but make sure you decide what is best for you, and follow through.

[tabane27]

God I’m strolling through all my old posts and keep finding posts Iv written about this relationship I had with this man that ended 5 years ago. He destroyed me and yes I finally managed to get the hell out of there. I walked out weighing only 5 stone, half my hair on my head, fractured neck and really bad ptsd. Reading back is really messed up, I can’t believe I stuck out for so long in a bad toxic dangerous relationship. He’s scarred me for life. I still have nightmares and flash backs. I so wished I listened to my instinct at the time. It’s affected me on a whole, part of me died the day I left. My relationship I’m in now is affected because of that relationship. I’m terrified of giving affection and showing intimacy, my insecurities are out the roof. Iv even struggled with my own son, when he was born 3 years ago I did not know how to love him, I was scared too. Iv learnt to recover my affection towards my child by nature but not my partner. It makes me sad to read back on this stuff and realise how much it’s impacted my path after, even years later.

Maybe that’s the point! I am meant to read back to remember so I can gain that part of me back that died

[Sethra]

Tabane27, thats exactly what I personally call Relevant Time Travel. I do it too, remembering a past state of existence so as to become who I once was.

I am currently living with someone who just two days ago got so angry because of my silence, that they first used the two words "unconditional love" in a verbal attack, at which moment I profusely responded with laughter. Then they hit my face and then proceeded to choke me for all about 3-5 seconds. Just like the Joker to Batman, I laughed in her face. She has proven to me over the years that she is not in control of herself. I cannot care for her anymore the way I once did. I am saying this because I closely relate and its not the first act of violence she has done to me.

On the other hand.... here's how I do not lose myself because of her or anyone else. On the topic of what you mentioned here:

Maybe that’s the point! I am meant to read back to remember so I can gain that part of me back that died

PellekenA’
Pell-ek-en-ahb

Within a woman I knew, there were thirteen individuals whom would push their own thoughts into her mind. Each one competing for which one was able to influence her body to react. One of my significant others had a difficult problem with being in control of her own body. Due to those influences, she was not capable of remembering our discussions and her replies to those discussions. That experience was a bit profound for myself. I had never had that issue, rather the opposite really.

While I was trapped in that ole’ religion, I lived a different life-style around each different group that I was to interact with. That was to keep my true self a secret from each group of people. When I was ousted, I was able to be all of myself at once. Not needing to hide any part of who I am, however I began focusing on remembering all my past experiences during this life-time. The more I focused, the more I remembered, which eventually lead myself to remembering how I emotionally felt during those experiences. Like me and be my friend or do not like me and have nothing to do with me. I did not mind what others chose. All of my abilities were able to compliment and empower oneself to accomplish what was needed to survive and thrive.

I realized that through all of my meditations, along with the many years of isolation; that I was able to become whole and singular. Whereas others such as this one female, had a course of life that shattered whom she could be. Understanding oneself during this life, will allow further understanding into what creates us to be a fractured being or a whole being.

The mind is more powerful than what man can create. Hiding the truth from oneself will have certain long term results, while the truth will have another set of results. Your brain, your body, your choice. The results will become the life lived. When profound understanding allows one to have better control over their own choices and actions; this is highly acceptable and should maintain some type of record keeping.

PellekenA’, the ninety-ninth principle

- Harmonize Unity –

Each mentality being separated and distinguished so that oneself can align themselves in a cohesive effort; therein allowing one to enter such emotional states of the past.

If one were to have PellekenA’ happen for them on a regular re-occurring basis, then one would be able to perceive mentalities during those past experiences. And in sequence, develop solutions while understanding the felt emotion. Producing the ability to act accordingly to help someone currently in need, thusly causing effectual development for anyone with a problem we once went through and overcame. Hence, the first aspect of the true form of time travel. Bringing the past into today, able to create a new future.

Remembering the mentality one was thinking with when they performed a new activity of success is part of re-creating the solution. By entering oneself into a particular emotional condition of mind and body, can we cure a bond of symbiotic energy. In these moments of a relationship with anyone, is the secret of any true healing art. A master healer will open the door and enter the atmosphere of the person in need of healing, even if that person is self. In the end…. The master healer will carry for and guide the way to recovery from the pangs of life.

[Native spirit]

Post in English only please not other words



Namaste

[Sethra]

So as to following the Spiritual Forum Rules:

If you have an issue with a particular post or member, in the first instance, please send a message (PM) to a Moderator, or clicking on the Report Post icon () on the relevant post.

I have removed my post

[Gsolution5]

May be you should try getting into a real relationship with a more mature person and think of getting married.

[tabane27]

Originally Posted by Gsolution5

May be you should try getting into a real relationship with a more mature person and think of getting married.

Who are you talking too?

Who’s talking non English

Well, tabane27, if I may be honest, Freud would have had things to say about you.

It's understandable that some people derive something essential or perhaps even satisfying from this kind of situation - putting up with the abuse.

But not ordinarily.
Other members here are advising you to give this bloke up forever; simply form a barrier against him - but it doesn't seem easy for you to do that.

All I can say is think of the longer term. Assess whether he's violent in the sense that if you found someone more aligned to you, would he intervene and be violent toward you or a new boyfriend. Saying this because if you WERE able to let go, how long would you need to leave before taking someone else into your life to feel free and safe.

It's a horrible situation - but you're a Leo, you have the sunlight in your hair, a benevolent open-armed person probably too concerned for his welfare. Leos are also among the most loyal (but sadly this loyalty can be misplaced at times). You deserve enjoyment in fulfilment in a relationship as everyone does and this bloke isn't where it's at.

Be resolute. Part company.
.

Originally Posted by tabane27

God I’m strolling through all my old posts and keep finding posts Iv written about this relationship I had with this man that ended 5 years ago. He destroyed me and yes I finally managed to get the hell out of there. I walked out weighing only 5 stone, half my hair on my head, fractured neck and really bad ptsd. Reading back is really messed up, I can’t believe I stuck out for so long in a bad toxic dangerous relationship. He’s scarred me for life. I still have nightmares and flash backs. I so wished I listened to my instinct at the time. It’s affected me on a whole, part of me died the day I left. My relationship I’m in now is affected because of that relationship. I’m terrified of giving affection and showing intimacy, my insecurities are out the roof. Iv even struggled with my own son, when he was born 3 years ago I did not know how to love him, I was scared too. Iv learnt to recover my affection towards my child by nature but not my partner. It makes me sad to read back on this stuff and realise how much it’s impacted my path after, even years later.

Maybe that’s the point! I am meant to read back to remember so I can gain that part of me back that died

Tabane27, I remember when I first read your words on this. I was choked up. I could not write anything that I thought would be enough. My heart really goes out to you and what a true survivor you have been and are. I think perhaps now is the time as you say you go backwards when you are in a more safe place to do so. Have you been seeing a therapeut to help you go through the steps to heal? If you haven't it is something I would recommend. If we have not moved on from any previous relationships we take it with us in the next. If or not you are in a relationship right now you need to heal apart from that.

I don't think it is remotely possible to understand if one has not been experiencing it how quickly it goes when a person that you were involved with broke down your spirit. The mental control/mental abuse is insane.

I can only speak of one experience where mental abuse was really his key word. In the beginning I was strong, independent, knew what was best for me. I would say even superior as he was more into me than me him, but then something changed. Along the way manipulated in a way that today surprises me it could even happen that way. I had a stress reaction in the end and that is what saved me, it was when I saw a doctor to help give me pills to sleep for the first time in my life that the truth unraveled, and this was me still in it, him still waiting to pull me back in, and I knew then this was a battle for life, for I would be dead anyhow spiritually if I returned. I was offered help. I asked if I was confused, but I was not and I wasn't stupid either, even just to find out did an IQ test later and found out that no, of course, I wasn't stupid and I hadn't imagined things.

This was all a surreal experience to have because I never thought I would be that weak, it was like I did not know what happened. I could not process it while in it. It was perfect on the surface but threatening underneith and there was no physical abuse taking place, that is not if looking at us from the outside world, still it was able to happen.

What happened to me was so small in compared to what you have been through. It was seen to the outside world that I was very fortunate, that I was happy, only those close to me who knew me well knew something terrible was happening to me but I had no words. I was confused in a way that I just had no words for what was going on, I could not find any, I began to doubt my own experiences even if I at the time was not really confused. The ex had psycopath-skills but was seen as normal and a really great manipulator. People were not close to him. Those who were close, like me, well when I think back on it, nobody was close to him like I was, so I suffered, image was everything. He would talk about love but he did not know love. I think too what saved me is that I knew from his energy, I knew from how he spoke that he had only borrowed words from real men so I knew it was flickering, the more I saw of his real self it made me strong in one way but frighten in another. The connection we had was not about love, but still this is strong and not many make it out of there, so please, please be proud of yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

If you feel your current relationship is suffering because of your past it may be a good idea maybe to not just you go in treatment but the two of you to go, or maybe he understands well what is going on with you and you don't need to.

The relationship I entered after that one failed realized just by chance when he could see how I changed when he put his arms around me and held me tight, it caused a flashback from the past, and even if I then tried to hide my reaction he asked what happened to you? (that was not what I wanted so I went what do you mean?...I was thinking I don't know what happened. I'm not going to tell you).

We had to train that if I said or did some sign he would know but he would too avoid doing that. I would feel very stupid at times, in the beginning of us living together I would come home and he would want to lift me up and look up at me, be playful, another time quite recently we were joking around and he took his hand on my arm and pulled me towards him and I said no but he thought I was smiling so he did not think anything of it and then suddenly I stood there with my no and tears in my eyes over what was just a game, and old panic had replaced the good feelings in the game, so I am still reacting on something that is not even remotely near what happened one time in the old relationship. I can't imagine how you must have it.

Does your current man understand why you react like you react? You can spare the details if you don't want to, it can too be hard to remember more than the feeling, but what works for me is that you come to an agreement that if you say no or you do a sign or something - something just the two of you know - he will let go, at once, that will give you the feeling you are safe (even if one knows in logic terms one is safe anyways it does not help the reaction).

Even if you feel alone in this, you are not, he is there with you and he wants to be a support, I think, don't alienate yourself from him in these situations.

I really can't say how terrific I think you are to have survived this, please be proud of yourself. There will sadly be those who do not comprehend the meaning of what it is like to be in the kind of relationship you have been, who think it is so easy to just get up and get out, those who think they are superior, they are the one who are lucky and very ignorant, you are the one with the wisdom from this, the knowing, don't forget that.

I wish you all the very best in the future