This person I felt. Their energies. Their thoughts of me, such as, I'd awake from a really great night's rest, going to bed with them not on my mind, and not on my mind for a few days, and than as soon as I open my eyes, as soon as I am conscientious, BAM, I see him, I feel him. What is that?!
He comes into my dreams, I can see all of him, I rarely saw people in my dreams. This only happened a couple of times.
This person came back to me, and pursued, showed interested, was caring, and encouraging, but denies it. Blames me, as soon as he found I'd left the city. Tells me he did not mean to be hurtful as he is seeing another.
Tells me he was not pursuing me, and he is sorry he asked where I am, and that I am confused. Spiritually, I was told this was supposed to be true & pure love, there was supposed to be reconciliation.
I shared too much.
Ever since I came where I am, I've been sick, I've been heartbroken, on many levels. The biggest, that he would be something, that hope I was giving up on, the last chance of having babies. I haven't had an appetite which is unusual for me, and for 2.5 months.
I was told at another time in the Summer, that he could feel my pain. I have been told in all of this in the last couple of weeks, that he "skipped class" spiritually.
I was told when I met him that he was my one, and long lasting, and marriage.
& I feel like I am coming by as a nut job. On a conscious 3D level, I'm a nutso. So I need to let it go.
It's just that, I see things spiritually. Someone said wrap yourself in gold light, for a protection barrier from sharing energies with another. I was doing it before I even knew why, it came to me in my thoughts.
It wasn't even someone I knew for very long, but I feel a connection, a VERY STRONG connection was shared between us. I don't know why. & it hurts so much. & I don't know if this pain is just imagined, or my inability to let things go due to my mental health.
I have to stop thinking about it. He's gone. He's with her. He wants me to let it go. I was so hesitant in letting him back in, because I thought I'd known already that the Universe had given him another. I never thought to ask if he was, I just assumed, and in the physical 3D, he asked me how I'd even known if he was even seeing another. & my physical conscious mind, said I don't. Than he pursued, until...it's just been a terrible hurtful ending. I've felt angry. Sad. Frustrated with myself.
I kept chasing. He's in a happy place now, and I would not want to take that away from anyone.
We had a lot of missed occurences throughout the year. A lot of it I self sabotaged, once I felt it was all my fault, and he answered it wasn't. He is the divine feminine, and I am the divine masculine, I've been told.
I know what I have to do though, to care for myself. & get grounded. I have to release as he seemingly has, because the heartache is keeping me stagnant. I thought to go back there, but other than him, I would not be well I feel. I don't see something I can do there to work on my passion.
& the reason I fight back so much is because my mental health isn't balanced, and I lose everyone.
I can't handle feeling so deeply.
I was told we'd shared many past lives together, over thousands of years. Maybe we were just meant to show one another our inner most fears that hold us back. The only thing though is, I know this of myself already. So what else, other than if I don't get grounded, I will never have this magnitude in love, and care for myself, and to another. idk.
It's time to put the work in, but I need help to do it.
It hurts so much to be told, goodbye forever. I have panic anxiety when this occurs.
Over the last couple of weeks, I pray at night, and have asked for the strength to keep going, and in the morning the next day, I have gone from terrible sadness & low mood, to to feeling cleared, and better. Stronger, and like I've been given something. I'm turning the mind.
I know it is not healthy to be stuck in this. & to anyone else feeling this,
Just pray, and ask for guidance, and love, and protection.