Death and Memorials

[Lynn]

Hello

I have always been on the fence about death and the memorial process we seem so tied to having. That "Celebration of Life" now that is gone from the "Funeral Service" I grew up with.

With the passing of the EX he left nothing on this topic for wishes so I simply passed on what we had discusses. "Nothing" no service no bury in the ground no head stones, no service. No instructions on ashes where they go. I want nothing to do with them.

This is truly sad as there was a "Memorial Page" set up for him with a suggestion for donations. By a family friend.

It was removed as everyone was just putting "Likes" on it that he was gone, no comments no donations no pictures in memories, no kind words.

I so would not want to pass and be remembered in this way. How sad it is that all bridges in life were burned before death. Only one person and his direct family (not his kids included in this) are sad he is gone !

He truly was not a good person, and no one misses him.

Lynn

[Native spirit]

Just before christmas a body was found in the undergrowth by a school.
The body was that of a man of 27 years old.
years before he and his sister lived with their mother who was Divorced they were happy kids.
Then she met her now husband he treated the young man like a slave had him digging a root of a tree from the ground with just a small spade.
His mother was reported to social services who thought there was nothing wrong.
at the age of 16 he left home and went to live on the streets he started taking drugs.

The people around here all knew him .he was a nice lad but everyone had something to say at his Memorial his mother hadn't seen him for over 5 years
before he died, but she put I loved him unconditionally
people turned on her and her husband is a total waste of space.
Because she discarded her son like he was a piece of rubbish and took the total waste of a person who is her husbands side


Namaste

I am really not fond of funerals either. To me, it feels as if most people fake being sad because of the circumstances.
Sometimes, it can be a chore passing on what was privately discussed, right? I've been there anyway.

I used to think, when I was younger, that we get a legacy equal to what we taught. I could not have been more wrong. I (too) often wore the "bad guy" coat for things to go on.

What the hell is going on through people's mind these days? It's like they don't care about tomorrow anymore, and how hating today will set them up for tomorrow.

Now, all I care for is living my life to the fullest. No care whatsoever given as to what is thought of me now or when I'm gone.
Lately, "living my life to the fullest" mostly equals to sleeping around 12 hours a night. That feels good, really good. Something I never really gave myself.
Try doing for yourself something you don't often do.

And try not to worry too much about when you will pass, you won't be here to feel it anyway!

[Starman]

Funerals allow people to grieve in a certain way, with other people who knew the deceased. When there is no funeral that formal gathering to celebrate, and grieve, may not be available.

But I do understand. In my Last Will and Testament I state how I do not want a funeral or a religious service. I want a direct burial, nonetheless, I know that I am denying others to grieve in the traditional funeral way.

Grieving and how we say goodbye to the departed is largely cultural. Regardless, we still have emotions to deal with. Its’ amazing when a person dies and you are helping to dissolve their estate.

You truly get to see how that person lived when you are packing up their estate. You find things out that you did not know about that deceased person. I have helped with the estate of a deceased friend, and doing that sort of service can be overwhelming, on top of everything else.

[Native spirit]

I know a couple of people who have had a funeral. where there are no mourners not even family. the undertakers just cremate or bury the person and that's it. one wanted no service just be buried


Namaste

[Mora321]

I slightly knew an older fellow in the community - hardly ever spoke to him. After he died I could feel him around a lot. As soon as he was buried, he was gone.

I lived next to a farmer. He died and I and his widow could feel him hanging around - until she sold the farm, then he was gone.

I was not present at the funerals of my parents - being overseas. When I ask now, neither had any attachment to my attending or not.

I suspect funerals are for those left behind. Those that are gone generally have plenty to do.

[Starman]

I travel a great deal and I was not there for the funeral of my mother. I felt bad about it, but funerals are for the living not the dead, and I have grown to accept not grieving the loss of my mom with our other relatives.

I do think lots of people put to much into it; I attended a friends funeral, and afterwards a person who was at the funeral confronted me on how come I did not cry at my friends funeral. Like if I cried it would mean that I missed or loved him more. Almost like a required public display of grief for the approval of others.

What a crock of do-do. I don’t cry because I am suppose to, rather I cry because something has moved me to tears. In some cultures they dance and sing, and celebrate the deceased person’s life. But in the U.S., most approach funerals as a very solemn thing.

Now there is this widely held belief that says people who have died can feel the prayers and well wishes being sent them from people here on Earth. Some cultures have a “Sending Off” event with the deceased person’s body present. I do feel rituals like these do have an underlying usefulness. Could a funeral have any benefit for the deceased person?

[Redchic12]

Yep interesting topic hey.

I personally don’t want anything to happen. I have stated in my Will that there is to be no funeral and body to be taken straight away from where it dies to the crematorium. My kids asked me about my ashes and I said, I couldn’t care less where they are scattered and to do with them whatever they want. I’ve left this world so what does it matter.

For me funerals are a waste of money, ide rather my kids spend it on a good holiday or their mortgage. Can’t see the point

I watched all the pomp and ceremony of the Queens funeral and thought, omg the amount of money that must have been spent on that when there are millions of people without enough food for their kids and people getting evicted cos they can’t afford the rent not to mention the amount of homeless just in the UK alone. Just doesn’t make sense to me.

However I do respect and understand people who feel the need for one. We all see things differently and everybody deserves to have what they want at the end.

[Miss Hepburn]

I'm like my mother - no funeral, no need even for an Obit in the paper.
I know many like that.
My friends and many acquaintances over the years will know or find out (or not),
...that's plenty for me. Just my 2 cents.
I've told everyone if they ever find out I've died...BE Happy for me...I'm HOME!!! Ahhhh.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Starman

Funerals allow people to grieve in a certain way, with other people who knew the deceased. ... You truly get to see how that person lived when you are packing up their estate. You find things out that you did not know about that deceased person. ...

About eight years ago I had to organise my father's funeral and then my sister's funeral. Although I wasn't bothered about having any particular kind of ceremony I opted for reasonably traditional funerals for the sake of those who might want such a ceremony.

And although I was not particularly sad (I was more curious about where my father and sister might be) I was very conscious of the weight of emotion at the ceremonies and it was difficult to remain unaffected by it.

And packing up a person's estate is a major hassle (and also quite revealing, as Starman says). Especially as both times I was only back in the UK for a few weeks trying to deal with it all. In the end, having retrieved everything of importance I abandoned the rest to a house clearing company.

So for those who are getting on in years, have the occasional clearout of all your unwanted stuff. You will make someone else's life much easier.

Originally Posted by Starman

Now there is this widely held belief that says people who have died can feel the prayers and well wishes being sent them from people here on Earth. I do feel rituals like these do have an underlying usefulness. Could a funeral have any benefit for the deceased person?

Supposedly those who have died can feel any loving thoughts directed towards them with an elevating effect, so there may well be benefit for the deceased person.

And conversely excessive emotions of grief can hold back a person on their onward journey, rather like being caught in treacle.

So when a public figure dies and there is a nationwide or worldwide outpouring of grief then it makes me wonder how much that individual is being negatively affected!

Peace