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11-09-2021, 06:26 AM
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Anniversary and anger
I have had this strange sentence in my head. It is "Please, don't be angry". Just that. I "hear"/"feel" it much around the anniversary of my past life's date of death.
Does it ever go away? I've had this for the mere part of my life. Does anyone else have something they "hear" or "feel" around the anniversary of the past life death's?
In my past life I was someone who had depression, 1.Childhood 2.During marriage 3. Some point after marriage (Divorce).
I have found the identities of her and the family and the husband (exhusband). In my memories her husband was charming, family man. Unfortunately he had a temper. In my memories he was to get very busy with his career which meant longer periods away from his family and home.
I have been surprised at the amount of quilt, shame that came from her memories of having depression, of the break up of her marriage her husband did not want, of the children paying the price (socially being kids from a split up home), the judgment from other women who thought she was bad. That the church felt different to her after her divorce. It made sense to me when I understood why. They still go by that rule.
One of her children took daddy's side. I think she had hoped for the child to be neutral, but understood as well. I think it was a grief she kept locked up in her heart as she did not want to damage the relationship further. She had all the time they were a family built up Daddy's image in his abscence. I think the child thought that if they had not split daddy would be more around, but it wasn't that, it was that daddy's work took that much time away.
In my memories the husband was angry and frustraded when she had depression to then becoming more understanding and patient.
When I found him (this time around) he no longer had the business, but was still not retired even at his age. Had changed geer entirely. He still acknoledged and his family that he had a temper. He was most busy/active with his career during those marital years. He would say he still missed her.
I don't know if she thought, said "Plase, don't be angry" to him at one point during their marriage or after the divorce, and why it has stayed with me now. He was not responsible for her death.
I had read in the coroner's report about her history of depression and it was one private proof to me that my memories were true. Her most difficult depression hit her some years after the divorce. I could follow the official records and see that he was supportive of her getting better and that the custody was written over to him during this period, but that he would return it to her when she was/felt stable. Think it could have been his way of saying "I believe in you".
I personally think it was a downer that her history with depression stood in the way of seeing other options to how come she had died the way she did. On the other hand I understand why they (the investigators) had to take it into consideration. I know she did not want to die.
I have thought too if her death made him feel angry, as in the past when he first had to deal with her depression he did not understandm why that sentence keep haunting me.
During their marriage she sort of lived his life, his work and life were blended together and there was no room for her life or it was a defect in his personality where he could not understand she too needed her space. It could have been for practical reasons, or jealousy, or pure selfishness why he would stand in her way like that. Because of his temper I don't think it would have been that unusual for her to say to him "Please, don't be angry", but still - that comment, always. Comes out of the blue and goes away the same way. I don't know where to place it.
Last edited by asearcher : 11-09-2021 at 08:37 PM.
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11-09-2021, 07:02 AM
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Master
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,418
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sometimes i see aspects of myself in your descriptions of significant others. Makes me sad that things had to be that way. Sigh.
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11-09-2021, 02:43 PM
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Thank you very much, FallingLeaves, for your sympathy.
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14-09-2021, 05:07 PM
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Master
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,626
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I’ve had reincarnations, and it still haunts me..I couldn’t imagine a past life- because I’m still uploading/downloading from my atomic self...so I keep all the memory.. it’s hard enough, of course the pain diminishes when entering into new avartar but having to start again I couldn’t imagine it...the grief must be unbearable- condolences ....
__________________
Vampire speed..
Arabic first language (English)—- bear with me and please be patient)
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15-09-2021, 04:26 AM
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Thank you so lost soul13, I'm sorry too for your pain.
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