Help for Narcissistic Abuse Victim

[Windbreeze]

Hello,

My friend is a narcissistic abuse victim who has been in a marriage with narcissist for 6.5 years. Not long ago they divorced but he left her soul destroyed that she wants to end her life. Also at that time her father died and it was just too much for her to handle.

She thinks that life is suffering and that her death will solve all of her problems. She says she has seen it all and believes she must take her own life to be free. I try to help her but I cannot because no matter what I say it is like talking with a wall. She takes anti-psychotic medication and medication for insomnia as she has sleep problems which only adds to the problem. She thinks she is irreparable and there is no point and her life is sorrow and suffering that she can't take. She no longer enjoys hobbies.

I believe she can recover because many narcissistic abuse victims do recover who call themselves survivors but sadly there are also victims who end their lives. But it takes willingness and strength to recover because it is a long process.

I wonder if someone has any ideas how I can make her feel better?
Are there narcissistic abuse victims on this forum who can help?

Thanks!

[SikuX]

I'm one and I find myself yo-yo'ing between being strong and self loving and back to very similar as your friend. Days are spent more-so the latter.

Cannot enjoy hobbies. All I can do is meditate, grow my spirit and hope for the best. Helping other people gives temporary relief as I smile for them, etc. :) Getting lost in feeling them rather than yourself.

I know I'm not much help, but from my point of view I feel like a proper replacement and heavy love from someone else whom can help heal those mental and spiritual scars seems like the strongest and most real saving grace. Counter act the pessimism with love and maybe just maybe the future will finally have some light to look forward to.

Us narcissist survivors, the trend? Are usually used to be very loving people yet overly critical of ourselves. After absorbing and go through too much trauma we begin to hate ourselves for being consumed with something that we can't let go of. It's like seeing yourself from the outside in and hating what you're becoming or what you think of and only think of. With no relief. Constantly. That self-awareness is no comparison. Personally, it's more of that, that leads me to the deep end than anything else. Hence why I raise my spirit self in Hope I stay balanced. It sucks...

I embarrassingly, no longer seek companionship or friendship on a deep level. It usually ends up turning into extreme hurt disappointment or people lashing out on me once I become distant. Or falls for me and easily gets upset I don't reciprocate. I push away in fear but slow curiosity. Been ironically deemed a sociopath for it as they fail to grasp my hurt first before judgement and generally being a empathetic guy to many, they get jealous or think I'm a cheat..... all this, makes me into a hermit. But deep down we want to have someone unconditionally loving come save us and spare us of that same pain all over again. That pain we wish on no one.... :/

To have patience while in replacing the narcissist with you because deep down we fear the ones we love most will hurt us the most.

Do I keep to myself so I no longer hurt anyone because of my own hurt or stay isolated whilst being a lover of people in general. Damn if you do, damn if you don't.... because of how loving and pure I KNOW I am, I choose to keep to myself. Because that's who I am.... put others before myself....

[PureDevotionGirl]

I have narcissist parents; maybe it would help her to get away on some kind of trip? A road trip or vacation where she can take her mind off the bad things that happened and realign with herself. Certainly, there must be things she enjoys out of life? Try to remind her of them.

I think if she can reconnect to herself and see how valuable life really is, she will be able to begin the healing process.

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,

My friend is a narcissistic abuse victim who has been in a marriage with narcissist for 6.5 years. Not long ago they divorced but he left her soul destroyed that she wants to end her life. Also at that time her father died and it was just too much for her to handle.

She thinks that life is suffering and that her death will solve all of her problems. She says she has seen it all and believes she must take her own life to be free. I try to help her but I cannot because no matter what I say it is like talking with a wall. She takes anti-psychotic medication and medication for insomnia as she has sleep problems which only adds to the problem. She thinks she is irreparable and there is no point and her life is sorrow and suffering that she can't take. She no longer enjoys hobbies.

I believe she can recover because many narcissistic abuse victims do recover who call themselves survivors but sadly there are also victims who end their lives. But it takes willingness and strength to recover because it is a long process.

I wonder if someone has any ideas how I can make her feel better?
Are there narcissistic abuse victims on this forum who can help?

Thanks!

God how terrible. Is it you that have realize her ex is a narcissist or/and she? I have a close friend who lived for many years with such a dude and we saw the signs, I more than once got enraged at him. I could see her being constantly put down in small and big ways by someone who would so call love her, the love of my life also called him out on his own, even a relative of mine that came in contact with him lost its temper. I saw her go from depression to getting more and more energy and realizing that he was/is a narcissist. I tell her always she's pretty when having contact with her (I was there when hearing his idiotic comments of putting down her body and cheating). The more stronger she got the more evil he got (but more surprise he got being so used to be able to put her down) and it is still a struggle, one we intend to win (there are more of us and he's only one). Your friend can't isolate herself but understand if she does as I can imagine she only has that much (or rather that little) energy right now but still important she pushes herself to go out and do little things, if she meet people alright to just meet them over coffee, not hours and hours, to give her an escape button after a while, so she can then gather her energy again. If she has truly realize he was/is a narcissist I think it would be better if she believes, what I do, that they are born like this and it is like a brain damage, there are no improvements to be made, there is no why and what if - it just is. A defect in the brain. If so she will stop trying to make sense of things you can't make sense of, and therefor not loose energy on it, going over it. I have to tell my friend this all the time because I see her loose energy over nothing, she has tried to break through with thoughts, words of getting along and making him see her view and why you can't behave like that, how it will effect others, but it is no use, and again and again I have to tell her this because she is so use to thinking she has to find a logic reason or always explain and explain. So I guess my advice is she herself has to realize, if she has not yet, what he is, which will empower her and distance her. The other she has to stop mirroring her self image of what he decided she would be and realize his god darn limits in seeing her for who she is. Is she in a place where he can still get to her? Do they have kids together? If so a good thing would be to simply place her close by family, friends, it does not have to be all of them of course (as they can live in so many places away from one another) but just someone who will be there for her, just her knowing that person is close by can help her piece of mind. She also has to understand that these things take time, time to repair the brain but it will happen. These are just some things I can think of. Wish I had the one and only answer to it what will work, though...

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Windbreeze

Hello,

My friend is a narcissistic abuse victim who has been in a marriage with narcissist for 6.5 years. Not long ago they divorced but he left her soul destroyed that she wants to end her life. Also at that time her father died and it was just too much for her to handle.

She thinks that life is suffering and that her death will solve all of her problems. She says she has seen it all and believes she must take her own life to be free. I try to help her but I cannot because no matter what I say it is like talking with a wall. She takes anti-psychotic medication and medication for insomnia as she has sleep problems which only adds to the problem. She thinks she is irreparable and there is no point and her life is sorrow and suffering that she can't take. She no longer enjoys hobbies.

I believe she can recover because many narcissistic abuse victims do recover who call themselves survivors but sadly there are also victims who end their lives. But it takes willingness and strength to recover because it is a long process.

I wonder if someone has any ideas how I can make her feel better?
Are there narcissistic abuse victims on this forum who can help?

Thanks!

What is her medical diagnostic? What did the doctor recommend beyond medication?

[mjd-healingjourney]

Hi,

I have been exactly where your friend has been and am still picking myself up years later. It's a long and arduous journey.

I did not have much support and struggled so much as my life was being destroyed by the narcissist in my life.

Some of the things I found helpful:

* Joined support groups to meet others facing the same kind of battles.

* I learned to set boundaries and take time for self-care (something I gave away as I took care of my family).

* Listen to mediation music at night to keep the nightmares pushed away.

* Scheduling times that I had to deal with the narcissist instead of being at his beck and call.

* Forgiving myself for my mistakes and learning from them.

* Writing in a journal - letters to never send, but were "freeing" for me.

* Finding something to be grateful for every single day.

There is no magic formula. Each person's journey is unique to them. However, LOVE is Universal and the best way to show that is to honor a person's wishes and journey.

I wish your friend well and hope you find the guidance you need to help her through her journey.

Kind regards,
MJ

[FairyCrystal]

For starters... if she doesn't want to there's nothing much you can do. You can not make someone do something when they don't themselves.
However harsh it is, it's their path and their choice.

I wanted to recover once I'd gotten out of 10 yrs relationship. I wrote about it a lot online. I started a blog. Getting replies from other people who had been through the same was very helpful. Especially since people close to you usually don't understand because they were never on the receiving end. They only ever saw a charming great guy. So they cannot be of much support as they often don't really believe you. Finding kindred spirits by blogging was healing.
But again, I wanted to heal and get over it. I'm not a quitter. If she is, then there's not much you can do. Someone has to find their own drive to want to live and heal.

Also coming to understand why it had to happen, what I gained from it.
Seeing yourself as a victim isn't helpful. Saying you are, or telling someone they are, is telling you have no power. You do have power and you do have a choice, but for some it's easier to forego that as it does mean taking responsibility and some people simply don't want that as it means doing something and standing on their own two feet. For many it's easier to lean on someone else and to be dependent. That's why you attract a narcissist to begin with...
So seeing you're not a victim and that you actually learnt something beautiful from it for yourself is a necessary step. But doing that takes inner strength and drive and I don't think someone who's depressed will want to go there.
So again, if they don't want to there's little you can do.

[Native spirit]

I would have to Echo what MJ Healingjourney and Fairy crystal has said, but she has to be ready to do this all the put downs in this relationship.
would have destroyed any confidence she had.
But I would also sugest she pays her doctor a visit also



Namaste

[Fatimasque]

Salam

it seems you've got a healthy plenty of good responses. read most and skimmed through ish- in case it wasn't suggested.
Nature. if there is a place close by where she can hike and walk through nature and be close to trees or an ocean even...
maybe this life force energy may help her. trees are healers and good friends, they are gentle without force or action. they simply emanate and we take in aware or not.

but the above is right, she will have to decide herself that she wants to be better, and believe it, before any of the methods will work.
get her a journal if she doesn't have one. I've therapy-ed the hell out of myself through journals. but I also never suffered a narcissistic parent. I know many who are still victims of the parent or partner... I watch from where I stand and show love and support when I can.
that's all we can do. love from as close as we are allowed. intervene when we must to save a life... sending prayers to your friend, to be able to see love when it shows up at her door, and prayers to you, to be strong and stay hopeful and safe within your own love for her and yourself.
don't feel helpless. you are helping the most simply by loving and being your self.
don't feel helpless, don't feel responsible. love and have faith.

Salam and Love your way
F