Losing My Beliefs

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

I don't see how challenges can be a good thing. As for looking for seeing my positives It's kind of hard for me. I want to believe in myself but there are these constant thoughts telling me that nothing I do matters and that all of my accomplishments mean nothing because I still have ADHD despite that. I try to fight these thoughts by thinking things like the things I have accomplished do matter because I worked so hard for them, but still I find myself wanting to feel sad all the time.

You seem to be wearing a pair of very dark sunglasses and then saying it is too dark out to do anything now. I am not a metal health professional, but from the tone of your posts, it seems like you may want to see if you are suffering from depression. Like I said, I am not a pro, and even if I was I wouldn't be able to tell you that based on your posts, but as a suggestion, you may want to give some thought to looking into this disrepair you are conveying here with someone who is qualified to say.

As I said before, challenges can push you and shape you throughout your life. Without facing and working to overcome challenges in life we often will turn into big couch potatoes who sit around talking about how boring and meaningless our existence is. I personally believe that our soul seeks out challenges. Those which the experience of will help us to grow in our understanding and help to resolve our karmas. Come to think of it, accomplishing something that presented no challenge at all doesn't really seem like nearly as meaningful of an accomplishment. I have always found that my accomplishments that came with significant challenges are the most meaningful ones. Granted, we appreciate them more after we have gone through them, and not so much while facing and enduring them, but that is how I found it to be anyway.

If we are not careful, we can use our legitimate afflictions as illegitimate excuses to hide behind and not face our fears and challenges in life. I know because I have done it plenty myself, and those are the times when life seemed the least meaningful as I failed to accomplish all the things I was afraid to try. There are plenty of examples of individuals with ADHD that accomplished many things and lead fulfilling lives, but perhaps they viewed overcoming their affliction as one of their greatest accomplishments rather than a excuse to hide behind. Maybe start by googling up some of those and seeing what is possible rather than deciding that as long as you have ADHD, nothing else can matter.

[IndigoDoll90]

I'm not sure about depression and if I do have depression that would be yet another reason to not believe in myself and my accomplishments. Perhaps without challenges life would really be meaningless, but still my accomplishments don't seem like much. Sure I finally have a job and have graduated from college, but still I have ADHD. And I hate to sound like I'm complaining but I seem to like sadness for some odd reason and can't figure out why.

[hallow]

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Sorry I haven't been here in a while, but lately I've been struggling with my beliefs. I have always had this strange interest in things like psychic powers and always wished I had some kind of psychic ability. I believed that I had the ability to see the future in my dreams sometimes as some of my dreams would later seem to come true. But maybe it was all just coincidence and just me wanting to believe I have some sort of psychic ability. It seems more and more that my ability to see the future is all in my head and that I'm actually ADHD and don't even deserve to exist because I'm so useless. I'm even losing my belief in a higher power and am starting to believe that life is meaningless and has no purpose. I hate to think that though. There is part of me that still wants to believe, but then why is it that when I don't take my ADHD medications I have so much energy and am so emotional to the point that I can't focus but when I do take my medications my energy is able to slow down and I can focus and am not so emotional. I hate to sound whinny but I hate thinking that psychic powers and stuff like that don't exist. I want to believe again but I see no evidence. All I see is evidence that I am indeed ADHD and useless.

I understand it, your normal, you want to be something special. Your not alone in this! I admire your honesty with yourself. Not many people have this. With this ability the sky's the limit. If you're looking for something special within yourself, be you, be honest with yourself, follow your heart and nothing else. That's what will make you special.

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

I'm not sure about depression and if I do have depression that would be yet another reason to not believe in myself and my accomplishments. Perhaps without challenges life would really be meaningless, but still my accomplishments don't seem like much. Sure I finally have a job and have graduated from college, but still I have ADHD. And I hate to sound like I'm complaining but I seem to like sadness for some odd reason and can't figure out why.

This thing about seeming to prefer sadness is interesting. It is a different thing to prefer something than it is to like something. I am curious how others react to this sad sack demeanor.
Do you display this sadness when around others?
How do they react to you when you do?

[IndigoDoll90]

Others dont seem to like my sadness. They dont understand that I prefer sadness over happiness. I cant help it though. For some odd reason I like sadness so much.

You have a problem with regulating dopamine and serotonin these are the 2 chemicals that make life worth living (seriously) what your experiencing is the dips and peeks that come with not consistently taking your meds

Originally Posted by IndigoDoll90

Others dont seem to like my sadness. They dont understand that I prefer sadness over happiness. I cant help it though. For some odd reason I like sadness so much.

I suppose nobody likes having to deal with a sad sack all the time. But then one should wonder why they are so sad so often. Don't they ever try to cheer you up?

[Native spirit]

You sound to be depressed to me and need to speak to a counselor speak to your doctor. help is out there


Namaste

[Honza]

"half in love with dark and despair"....

Been there.

[IndigoDoll90]

Yeah no one seems to like it when I'm sad. I cant help it that I like sadness though. However it does seem to push people away from me.