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07-09-2013, 05:27 AM
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letting it go
my husband and I have had an up and down relationship over the years. We had a baby together one year ago, today!! I really want to be in this for the long haul but I have issues letting go of things he has done to me in the past. He has a drug issue and is clean now but I fell I just cannot let it go. He spent so much time lying to me and hiding the issue from me, it has really broken my heart. He loves his family and works very hard but I feel the constant need to punish him for his past.
How can I get rid of this feeling?
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07-09-2013, 06:01 AM
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Therapy - marital and individual.
You are not the only wife who suffers such marital problem.
If he is working on himself and he is doing everything in his power to keep his family, you can try to work on your inner self to stay in the marriage.
However, this is not just your journey. What you are feeling is not something that you can just get rid of.
It is his journey to recover himself first and to earn your trust again.
Trust is a delicate thing in a marriage. Once it is broken, it is difficult to re-cultivate it. It will take lots of effort from both of you.
Trust is never given. It is earned. He needs to learn that and to rebuilt it in your heart.
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07-09-2013, 09:32 AM
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Master
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8,227
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He's hurt you, and it's not uncommon to want to retaliate. And it can be very very hard to move on.
You also have your child to protect.
As Nada suggests, therapy - for both and for the individual.
It's very very possible that the hurt he has done to you, he is not the first pperson to have hurt you as such and so it becomes all the harder - the wounds are deep and raw. But it is possible to reconcile.
I'm sure you will find a way.
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07-09-2013, 01:34 PM
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I would also suggest counseling as the rest of the posters said. I would also add that we are all on our own paths with things to complete. Your paths crossed and you joined hands (while still on your own path) As you both walk a head on this earth school, the distance between you may continue to get longer and longer. Sometimes if don't grow spiritually together, the distance becomes to far and there isn't anything you can do about it, if you want to continue growing spiritually. Try to remember you have your own path and now you have a little one who is your priority. Best of luck and I hope you and your hubby can work this out and move forward together.
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10-09-2013, 04:06 AM
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Thank you xx
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10-09-2013, 05:05 AM
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If he is trying, do your best to support him, rather then dwell on past issues, look ahead for the sake of your child.
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10-09-2013, 06:34 PM
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Somehow I get the feeling that you aren't necessarily punishing him for something he did in the past in this lifetime. Those residual feelings might stem from past-life issues too. Past life regression might shed light on what those issues are..........especially if you can't get past them. I think some issues come up between two souls and its almost like a deja vu moment like "remember this?"
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12-09-2013, 04:18 PM
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Deactivated Account
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: ☘️
Posts: 10,271
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Your going to have to let it go. You can not change the past. If he is no longer using and abusing,than you need to move forward and support each other.
My husband(now separated) had a pain killer addiction(he was an athlete) and thankfully, he got help when I became pregnant with our first child. Yes.I know how IT feels to see someone suffer in addiction and it almost destroy a family. I also know the financial damage it does. Perhaps,understand that he fell in weakness and the reality is,he is probably not as strong as you. We hold men in such high pedestals like they are King,and the truth is,even the King falls in weakness.
To answer your question.How do you change those feelings? I think once you come to terms with YOURSELF and accept the fact that it happened and you cant change what happened.Perhaps,its forgiving him for what happened and letting it go.“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.”
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