What do you think?

[Kate Brokate]

So, I'm new at this (1 year) but this is my story/question. One day I was SO angry I knew it would destroy me so I googled how to get rid of it. In that search, forgivness seemed the answer.
I read a book on HOW to forgive and I kid you not, halfway through I felt things shooting out my feet and I forgave EVERYTHING, not just the thing that made me angry in the first place. It IMMEDIATELY stopped all chattering in my head and I looked at things differently.
After 3 months of floating through life my enquiring and intelligent mind wanted to know WHAT had happened through my feet - and thus began a year of reading EVERYTHING - religion, spirituality, science and this is what I came up with. I was never seeking anything in the first place, it just HAPPENED.
All that had happened previously in my life was through my SELF/EGO and duality. By necessity we humans NEED this first stage in preparation for our spiritual awakening and HAVE to go through this journey. It is how we get to the second stage. We can't ask for it or seek it, it will or will not happen.
How much happens and how we are able to deal with these "obstacles" (and how our boundaries are set by parenting and society) sets us up for awakening/or not. It is inherent in our humanness. It is already there - we just have to access it.
Ignoring the self/ego and our feelings seems silly and, to me, highly impractical as I'm a busy Mum who doesn't have the time (or inclination) to spend hours getting myself in this "state" of non duality.
The answer is ME, in ALL my humanness and this realisation is the awakening. My spirituality, my soul, my purpose is ME and this connects you to an energy that is HUGE AND AWESOME. I don't know the proper words (even with all my reading) but I do know that this is in EVERY SINGLE PERSON and we all have the capacity to "awaken".
This knowledge is just mind blowing to say the least and I feel like I'm living in a different world, but it's just the way it is.
My question is, am I crazy and deluding myself? It sure doesn't feel like it, it feels like home. Is it this simple?
Kate

[Starman]

Yes, it is that simple. In my first experience it also felt like “Home.” Some people move into a religious order, a momentary, or ashram, but as a mom you have responsibilities that would preclude doing that. Your spirituality is unique to you and whether you think you are doing it right or not, know that there is no right or wrong way to do it, there is only your way. But don‘t let your head rob you of the experience that is in your heart. The more you trust it and give your attention to it, the more it may grow.

What you will go through on your own spiritual journey is not necessarily what others may go through. You are unfolding your consciousness and there are many ways to do that. Nonetheless, what you will bring up is what is inside of you. What you put there, your patterns and conditioning, etc. The things that are unique to you. Like your very practical, “inquiring and intelligent” mind. That is part of your journey as well. Even thinking you are crazy is part of your particular spiritual journey. But at our core we are all unfathomable, overwhelming, intoxicating love.

As far as crazy is concerned, there is a mental illness diagnosis for every human being on this planet over the age of two. If you think it is crazy it may be because everyone else is not doing it or experiencing it the way you are. Normal does not mean healthy, all it means is what the majority of people are doing. It is a statistical term. Spirituality pushes us to find like minded people, but in my opinion, you take your guidance from within yourself, not in your thoughts necessarily, but in deeper promptings. Still, I practice using my head as well as my heart; the key is internal balance. You are that awesome energy that you connect with. In my experience, it is and unimaginable journey. Crazy to this world but absolutely sane and peaceful otherwise.

P.S. Welcome to this forum.

[Kate Brokate]

Thank you for your thoughts. Acknowledging my thoughts and responding makes me "zing". I live in a rural Australian town that would struggle to talk, so your thoughts are welcome - just to be here is great

One thing for sure is we can't grab It. It grabs us. I've heard it said when it's spontaneous it's most likely because of one's actions in past life/lives. Perhaps you were an ardent seeker. At least that's one view from the perspective of Karma and reincarnation.

Another way to look at it is it's because of a great and earnest heartfelt desire to change and for the right reasons, like letting go of destructive emotions like anger. In essence that's not different than Karma Yoga where the seeker attempts to purify mind through moral, ethical and selfless action. In the Hindu non-dual tradition two prerequisites for Self-realization are clarity and purity of mind.

One way I think of it is I was lost my whole life and finally found my way home. NDE survivors relate a similar sentiment.

A little bit from the philosophical side of non-dualism... Yes, It is always there however just not recognized for what It is. It's the Extraordinary mistaken for the ordinary. It's Self-revealing and Self-evident however the ego-self (Ahamkara, the I-maker) makes It its own. The "I" thought as in "I am conscious" when in fact I Am Consciousness Itself.

Here's perhaps my favorite quote that gets at the heart of the matter: "Earth, moon, stars and sun revolve inside me" ~ Baba Muktananda

It's not that it's all inside me, the individuated being, but that it's all (including me the individuated being) inside That which I Am. That which I Am is the vast and infinite, the Ineffable. We can call it Consciousness and the Hindu non-dualists would call it Sat-Chit-Ananda which translates to Existence-Consciousness-Bliss. That's One without a second.

One need not and should not ignore the ego-self. Just realize ultimately that is not what one is and do one's best to live life from that perspective. One way to live it is to rest in Awareness, the calm in the center of the storm. Easier said than done and there are practices to facilitate that but if you've already connected and have no inclination for formal practice just try to stay connected to that "space" of inner silence and tranquility as often as possible throughout your day. Silently remind yourself that "space" is your true nature and it's infinite, beyond space and time.

As Swami Vivekananda would say "Awake! Oh ye children of immortal bliss.".

You'll always have an ego and it's malleable - one has a repertoire and it'll vary according to the situation one's in. Whatever level of refinement one reaches, the ego lets us interact with our environment including people in our particular way.
The brain is organised to deal with preserving an animate being in its own right before stimuli even come into conscious awareness.
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