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  #1  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:28 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Exclamation Extreme negativity and psych issues - under assault from demons - please help me

This topic deals with mature and disturbing subjects and is not intended for children under 18.


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Basic topic summary: I have depression, social phobia and OCD. I am filled with rage, fear, and other negativity on a regular basis. I have begun to indulge in negativity constantly and I "enjoy" it in a sick way I don't understand. For example, I listen to explicit, graphically violent gangster rap constantly. Even worse, I look at real footage of war, terrorism, torture, horrible accidents, and other violence. I have had many paranormal and/or spiritual experiences in and revolving around dreams as well as directly when I'm awake. I've had a lot of weird things happen more recently. I feel that I am under assault from demons, negative spirits, or whatever it is out there that is negative. I fear that my emotions are being fed on and manipulated by evil spirits. Please give me advice about what I can do to drive them out and heal myself wholly.

I originally posted these to a website more geared toward adults so I will try to censor some of this to avoid breaking any rules. I assume most of the words that may be considered unacceptable will be automatically filtered here. I haven't had much luck elsewhere on the internet in getting help and I hope I will find help here.

Please note that this topic encompasses a wide spectrum of problems but the main thing I need right now is help from a spiritual perspective. I already get a lot of psychological help in real-life from trained professionals and I still think a lot of this goes beyond all of that. I think there are spiritual problems behind all of this and I'm hoping that you guys can help me with that.

This post starts out with more general background information and leads into specific paranormal and/or spiritual experiences.

With that said, I will break this post up into different parts. I have built this post from separate posts I have made elsewhere on the internet and my hope is that by putting it all together I might finally be able to get some help.

Last edited by Tranquil_Tides : 25-05-2015 at 11:36 AM. Reason: didn't show up originally
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  #2  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:36 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Part I - Basic Introduction to My Problems


Please help me. I am in need of serious spiritual help.

I believe that evil is a genuine force in this world. I do not view Satan as some kind of abstract concept, or something to take a "liberal interpretation" of. No. Just no. I feel the devil in my life every day and it's only getting worse. Whenever I try to be follow the Christian path at all anymore I only feel a stronger and stronger resistance like I'm trying to climb a wall with unending height, covered in poisonous spikes. I am surrounded by darkness, it is in me, it is in my life, it is everywhere, and I feel doomed.

It wasn't like this when I was a young child. I was filled with the Holy Spirit as a young child. I loved almost everyone and everything dearly, I was filled with a joy, a thankfulness to be alive. I loved God and while I had my many moments of doubt or sin, overall I felt I was walking the right path.

It's probably been almost 10 years since I've felt like that. I'm 18 now.
When I was 12 I hit puberty and that's when everything went downhill. I have very little self-control. My fascination with sexuality overwhelmed me resulting in me living a very perverse lifestyle now. I gladly partake in sexual gratuity and perversion on a regular basis now.

I started using vulgar language constantly when I was 13. I've only used it more and more every year. Particularly over the past two years it has taken on a deeply hateful tone. Racist, sexist, blasphemous, anti-semitic, and homophobic slurs have become a regular part of my speech, and I spout it off anywhere at any time. If someone gets offended, I couldn't care less. It's gotten to the point where I feel that every vulgar word that comes out of my mouth is no longer simply "dirty" or "inappropriate." It's pure hatred, and therefore blasphemy against God and life.

I started watching disturbing horror movies constantly when I was around 15 years old, and they often involved the devil in some way, especially movies I've seen in the past year. That progressed to me looking at pictures and footage of real-life torture, violence, war, death, horrible accidents, and so on online, in this ridiculous and vain hope that it would "toughen me up" and make it easier for me to deal with life. All it has done is destroy me and my heart. I feel nothing now other than pain, grief, horror, and hatred, with a tiny glimmer of light buried deep, deep within, covered by layer upon layer of self-inflicted spiritual harm.

I see violence and horror in the news all the time. One -------- after another, more --------, more violence, more horror, ---- ---- ---- ---- everyone ---- left and right and no matter how many tears I cry about it people keep -------- each other and ----- and ------- and ------ and plundering and the world gets darker and darker every day.

I have been in violent situations in real life. I have punched, slapped, kicked, pulled, and shoved people, almost instigating fights. I have gotten in trouble with the police. I was in a car crash that destroyed my grandma's car that was passed onto my family when she passed away several years ago. I love her so much and I still miss her so much. I still have not forgiven the person who ran into my dad and I.

A friend's mom committed suicide, another friend's mom died, family members and other people I know have been getting cancer or been suffering from other serious medical problems.

I listen to explicit gangster rap constantly that glorifies blasphemy, satanism, extreme wanton violence and murder, sexual perversion, suicide, usage of illegal drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and most anything else you can think of. I feel addicted and drawn to it now in a sick way that I do not understand, and it only further erodes my humanity and what left I have of a heart.
I have struggled with social phobia since I was a young child. Last year I was clinically diagnosed with major depression, social phobia and OCD. I have been taking a lot of prescription medication for these problems and at times I have deliberately abused these medications, as well as various OTC medications. I have started drinking alcohol recently as well.

I hate myself. I have felt suicidal many times, and I have fantasized about hurting or ------- myself and/or other people. This is beyond evil and I would never do it in real life but the fact that I ever extracted any "joy" from thinking such thoughts is so sick and perverse I cannot even believe it. And then I just hate myself more and more, hate hate hate hate it never ends.
I haven't truly considered myself a Christian for any extended period of time for years and years. I went down a new-age path, got into occult stuff, psychics, hypnosis, astral projection, and other things that are renounced in the bible so I just don't know what to think about it all. There are things in the bible that make me feel uneasy too.

At this point I don't think I could open up many more doors to the devil and demons/negative spirits if I tried. I hate and fear the devil and have my entire life, at no point was I deliberately trying to let demons into my life. But the fact of the matter is that I have anyway through my crazy and shameful behavior.

Even now as I write this I feel the Holy Spirit within me, calling to me to come back to love and light. But whenever I try to do this I always end up failing. I feel the evil within me doubling up in power, becoming frantic in its will to destroy me.

I'm not blaming my mistakes on the devil. Everything wrong I've done was through my own conscious choices and will. But at this point I have no doubt that through my own conscious choices and will I have let a multitude of demons into my soul. I won't go so far as to say as I'm possessed -- I pray to God that that has not happened yet -- but I am undoubtedly oppressed.
I feel a spiritual heaviness all the time. I feel like the happiness and joy in my spirit is constantly being sucked out of me into the ground. I feel like there is a 1,000 pound weight on my back all the time smashing me into the ground, this heaviness and density in the air that makes me feel like I'm suffocating. This darkness and this feeling that I'm being watched, hated, and influenced in some way.

Yeah, depression is a mental condition, but after all the pills I took I'm not any better. I'm worse. I think that's because, regardless of whether or not I have psychological conditions, the devil has taken root in my soul and is slowly eroding and destroying whatever is left of light and goodness within me.

“’When the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and not finding any, it says, “I will return to my house from which I came.” ‘And when it comes, it finds it swept and put in order. Then it goes and takes along seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first.’” (Luke 11:24-26)

This is exactly what happens to me. Whenever I find some momentary rest or peace in the constant unceasing spiritual storm I live in I always end up falling back into darkness and I always end up being exponentially worse and doing exponentially worse things than I was the last time.

I was already powerless to begin with, only God has any power. And now I feel like I'm doomed. I feel like God loves me but at the same time I always have this "voice"/feeling in my head always telling me that God could never love someone like me because of how evil I am, because of how many times I have blasphemed and used God's name as a curse in some way. I fear that God has abandoned me and that the devil is going to drag me straight to [profanity].

I love God. The true me loves God. But I don't live like I do. Not even close. I don't even know where to start. I can't do this on my own, I just can't.

Whenever I try I fail.

Please help me. I'm at my wit's end and I don't know what else to do. I pray to God but the devil always destroys my prayers. The greatest manifestation of my OCD is when I try to pray. I feel paranoid constantly until I satisfy this strange, inexplicable but overpowering urge in my head to chant a meaningless, empty prayer over and over again, and these days it even gets to the point where I just end up broadcasting blurs of meaningless sound in my mind over and over again, because if I don't I feel like I'm under attack by demons from all directions.

The few times I manage to get my senses about me and pray to God legitimately and from my soul I am only able to go for a minute, often less before it devolves into more meaningless counting, 1 2 3 4 5 counting over and over again saying the same empty sounds over and over again to keep the devil out and suddenly I'm not praying anymore and I feel God has turned his back on me and everything is silent. Whenever I try to do anything positive, happy or good my mind suddenly starts to wander, my thoughts shut down, scatter, I forget what I'm doing, I dawdle around like I don't have anything important to do.

I destroyed myself enough and turned away from God enough that the devil is now destroying me. I have no idea how to stop this. I have no power over demons. I'm just a wimpy, stupid human that they love to exploit and destroy in every way possible.

Part of me knows God loves me and God can and will save me but then there's that voice again telling me that I'm not worth it, I never was and I never will be, that God hates me and I'm going to [profanity] or whatever negative realm I'd end up in after death.

But wait, there's more. I feel that I am being attacked by demons or some kind of dark/negative spirits in my dreams. Ever since I was a little kid I have had a lot of nightmares. When I was young my nightmares were pretty "innocent," at least compared to what they are now, but they almost always revolved around ghosts and other supernatural phenomena.

For the past few years almost every single dream I remember is a nightmare, and they're only getting worse and worse.

At this point I have lost count of how many dreams I have had in which I was physically and/or emotionally assaulted by demons.

Last year I started having extremely violent dreams. The most disturbing part was that I was the bad guy, not someone else. Those dreams I had felt like a direct assault on my deepest spiritual and moral values.

Also starting last year my dreams started to enter into the physical plane and they also started to feel like one or more external forces were invading them. Normally in a dream, even in a nightmare, the only "living presence" I truly feel in the dream, in retrospect, is myself. Everyone else, including the monsters/demons/whatever, feel like 2D characters or something.
In dreams I've had starting last year, I now begin to feel at least one other "living presence" in my dreams that's not supposed to be there.

For example, last year I had a dream in which I was screaming at something I perceived to be Hitler. I was accusing him of being a ----- ------ and using a lot of profanity toward him. I woke up unexpectedly with a jolt, and the moment I woke up I felt a hard, physical slap on my face. This was in real life, not in the dream.

Also last year I had a dream about something largely unimportant to this problem, and then I felt a "living," external force "yank" me straight out of the dream I was in, and suddenly I found myself laying on my bed in my room. It was dark. I thought I was awake, it felt exactly like real life, at least at the time. Then I heard an inhuman scream/growl to the side of my bed, and an invisible force pulled me toward it, and I woke up.

There was a space of relatively "normal" nightmares between then and right now, but now things are only getting worse.

A few days ago I fell asleep in my chair and felt an invisible demonic force attack me. It felt like it reached into my heart and was trying to pull my soul up and out of my body. It hurt, the force against me was tremendous, and I woke up quickly.

That same day or the next day I had a longer dream in which I was in what looked like my room, the light was on and everything. I was being attacked and harassed by an invisible demon. It would assault me physically, but weird [profanity] would happen, too. The only other thing I remember is smearing a ----- ------ that looked like [profanity] (literally) over my walls and ceiling. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary with this until I noticed all the [profanity] smeared high up on the wall and the ceiling. I realized I had no memory of putting it in those specific spots, and I was suddenly filled with fear that the devil was there and had done it. I woke up and had to get the [profanity] out of bed to check that wasn't real because it felt so [profanity]ing real in the dream.

Another dream I had recently was the most horrifying dream I've ever had in my entire life. Not because of any of the events in the dream, as bad as they were, but because of what something in the dream said to me.

I was in what I perceived to be the basement of my house with my parents. There was at least one demon in the basement and we were trying to deal with it but in retrospect I have no idea what the [profanity] was going on. All I really remember is my dad making me spin around in a circle constantly and I was trying to look to find the demon.

Now, some real life info. My parents are extremely kind to me, they always are and they always have been. They love and support me dearly, and I them. We aren't a perfect family by any means but we work stuff out easily. I do not have any kind of resentment, hidden or overt, or of any sort, toward either of them. That is important to understand to know why this dream was so disturbing.

I was spinning around in the basement trying to find the demon. I was not aware I was about to leave the dream and wake up, but my "dad" said to me "no, don't go, you'll miss the fun!" And right after he said that I woke up.
A dream character has never spoken to me like that before. It felt like a living presence in my dream that was NOT supposed to be there. It feels like something evil was pretending to be my dad to [profanity] with me.

I don't know what to do.
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  #3  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:37 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Part II - My debilitating OCD and associated spiritual concerns


I didn't know what it was when I was younger but when I think back on my life I can't even pinpoint when it began, that's how long it's been going on.

And it's none of that "oh I like to clean so I have OCD lol" [profanity], [profanity] that.
My OCD revolves around religion and fear of the devil, as well as fear of death or serious harm of family members or innocent/good people in general. I "pray" constantly, I put that in quotes because I don't even know if I'm a Christian and I haven't definitively considered myself one for at least 3 years. My "prayers" consist of empty phrases loaded with qualifiers upon qualifiers that I keep having to increase in complexity to convince myself that I'm saying "the one and only truth" with my prayer, as that is the only way I'll save myself, my house and my family from immediate assault from demons as well as eternal [profanity]ation in [profanity].

It's gotten to the point where my "prayers" often don't even have words: it's just blurs of sound I play louder and louder in my head to block out the intrusive doom and despair, horror and helplessness that's par for the course in my life.

Oh, I have to do it all a certain number of times, too. Not just praying, but most anything. I count so much, I'm so [profanity]ing sick of it. I avoid the following numbers, and often any factors or multiples of them as well as any number containing any of these a digit as much as I can: 1 out of fear of mocking God, 3 out of fear of mocking the Holy Trinity or be in any way perceived of doing such by God, 6 because of the devil, 7 out of fear of mocking God and Holiness, 9 because of 9/11, 11 because of 9/11, and 13 because it's [profanity]ing 13 and [profanity]. The only "safe" number for me is 5, and 10 and beyond are barely tolerable.

I have to turn off the faucet a certain number of times, I have to blink a certain number of times, I have to take a certain number of steps, I have to turn off and then "flick" the light switch a certain number of times, I have to scratch myself a certain number of times, I have to copy text on my computer a certain number of times, I have to press enter and/or backspace a certain number of times, I have to swallow a certain number of times, I have to breath in certain increments certain number of times, I have to do the sign of the cross a certain number of times (oh, and I do that at least 100 times a day now, not exaggerating, as that's a new manifestation of my OCD-driven behaviors, and yet another thing that has been cheapened and stripped of meaning in my mind under the insurmountable, crushing drive of my crazy fear).

This OCD [profanity] is meaningless and insane, yet it runs my life. Every [profanity]ing aspect of my life from higher cerebral things to basic [profanity] like breathing. It's gone hand-in-hand with my depression and social phobia (all 3 of which I've been clinically diagnosed with) and it's destroying my life and my personality completely. I feel like nothing, I feel like a puppet for my fear to play with and torment. I feel like there is no hope for me.

I've been on SSRIs for months and months, at least half a year at this point probably more. I've been in therapy for probably at least a year all in total, not including one large break I took when I thought I was better from my depression. That was back when I could still tolerate my OCD most of the time.

SSRIs are supposed to help with OCD, right? Right? What a [profanity]ing joke. It hasn't helped [profanity]ing [profanity] with this crazy [profanity] OCD [profanity]. It's only gotten worse. I've developed more and more OCD-driven behaviors. I'm so used to it now that, at the very beginning of such a behavior, I think to myself "[profanity], I'm going to have to do this over and over again forever now." And I'm right almost every time.

Therapy is the only other thing that's supposed to help with this [profanity] and it doesn't do [profanity] for this. I don't know if I get that CBT [profanity], I don't know what the [profanity] that is, I've asked people to explain it to me and no one ever [profanity]ing does, I feel like I'm losing my [profanity]ing mind. What the [profanity] is CBT?
I'm going crazy and I'm losing my hope for myself and everything. OCD makes life a living [profanity] and I'm sure those of you here who have actually experienced this [profanity] know that I'm not even remotely exaggerating.
I'm sick and tired of living EVERY [profanity]ING SECOND OF MY [profanity]ING LIFE fearing a devil that may or may not even exist, fearing eternal [profanity]ation for myself and/or my family to a [profanity] that may or may not even exist, and trying to "appease" a God in a way that's thoroughly condemned by the Christian Bible: meaningless, repeated [profanity] for the sake of doing meaningless repeated [profanity].

Yet if I don't do it I feel like I'm surrounded by devils and I'm about to be [profanity]ing murdered.

I need some help, a friend, advice, I don't [profanity]ing know. Someone just [profanity]ing say something so I'm not so alone in this [profanity] anymore. I don't have any hope left and I barely have any sanity left.
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  #4  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:38 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Part III - Recent Potentially Paranormal Experience


I'm not saying that this was a paranormal thing, I think that's possible but highly unlikely. The thing that scares me is the fact that I can't find a rational explanation for this. Hoping that someone can think of one that I didn't. And if this is paranormal, then what the [profanity] am I supposed to do about it?

I was sitting in my bathroom taking a [profanity]. It was about 3:30 am at the time and I know for sure that I was the only one up. Yes I'm aware of the superstition surrounding 3 am, it creeps me out but it's not something I take seriously. I'm 18 and still live with my 2 parents, no one else lives in the house and no one else was visiting/staying over or anything. All the doors and windows are thoroughly locked. We don't give keys to our house to anyone else and we have several different kind of locking mechanisms in place on all outside doors. We don't know anyone that would drop by unannounced and just barge in at this hour anyway.

I didn't hear anyone walking around (I would have if anyone was, it's a small house with creaky floors that creak loudly even when you try as hard as you can to be quiet and walk slowly/stealthily) and I knew my parents were in their room when I was on my way to the bathroom. I'll ask them later when they're awake just to be 100% sure, though.

So I'm in the bathroom and I hear a cabinet door in the kitchen (which is nearby) close loudly. It sounded like it was slammed shut. I didn't hear anyone walking before or after that point so I know my parents were still in their room.

There are a lot of "normal" house noises like the refrigerator turning its fan/motor/whatever that thing is off and on at regular intervals, the AC coming off or on, creaks in the walls/floors/whatever, dishes in the dish rack shifting due to gravity, and so on. This sound wasn't any of that. The sound of a kitchen cabinet being closed in my house has a very distinct sound.
These are relatively heavy cabinet doors. Their hinges are pretty stiff, too. Due to the way the magnetic "locks" are designed you have to push on the door firmly and deliberately to get it to close. It's not the kind of thing air from a vent or air pressure/circulation in the house could have caused.
The doors sit horizontally and are completely level as far as I can see so it wasn't gravity. Even if that was somehow possible I would have a) experienced something like this way before now (we installed these cabinets at least 10 years ago) and b) it wouldn't have been so loud. In fact it wouldn't have been enough force to close the cabinet door at all if the amount by which its angle is off is too small for me to see.
I don't have any kind of mental disorder that makes me hallucinate, whether it's visual, auditory, or whatever. I have depression/anxiety and I take prescription drugs for that, but they have never, ever made me hallucinate. I forgot to take my Prozac today anyway so none of that has been in my system for over 24 hours. The only pills I've taken in the past 24 hours are the OTC pain meds ibuprofen and tylenol.

I rarely drink. I haven't drank alcohol for about a week or so. I don't smoke or do any illegal drugs.

I'm not really tired let alone sleep-deprived, so that wouldn't have caused me to hallucinate. I also know that I didn't fall asleep and dream it or anything, I was wide awake the whole time. I don't have any medical condition that causes me to have blackouts.

It might seem silly that I'm making a big deal over this but I don't like it when I'm not able to explain something that I experienced. I've been racking my brain about this for awhile now and I can't think of any other logical explanation other than hallucinating it for whatever reason or the possibility of someone having broken in. I never hallucinate, though... but I guess having a random, ultra-rare hallucination episode is still more plausible than ghosts. I still feel uneasy about this though. As for the possibility of a break-in, I know everything was locked so I definitely would have heard other noises before or after that point: again, small house.

To be clear I do believe in the paranormal but I always look for a natural explanation first. This really seems like the kind of thing that would have a natural explanation, but yet I can't think of one.

Some psychological/spiritual information about my home and family if this does end up being a paranormal thing:

-My parents are Christians, but I don't really consider myself one, although I do have spiritual beliefs.

-There is no anger or violence in my family, we're generally positive with each other but we have our problems and arguments like everyone else.

-I deal with a lot of rage and hatred personally, not toward them, the house, or other family/friends but about other situations/people/things in my life and life in general. I experience deeply negative and sometimes violent emotions on a daily basis.

-I don't participate in any sort of occult [profanity] although I did experiment with OBEs a year or two ago. I had several weird [profanity] experiences as a result at that time that were not necessarily paranormal, I'm really not at all sure what happened. Not sure if that counts.

Can anyone help me out here?
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  #5  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:39 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Part IV - Summary of some of the other paranormal and/or spiritual experiences I have had


-Feeling myself being lowered gently into my bed from the ceiling when I was a young child. I saw the light being on in my room with a warm glow even though it was actually off. When I had fully awoken I felt like I had been somewhere very far away for a very long time but I had no idea what had happened. The best explanation I could think of at the time was that I had been walking in a garden with God. I had a deep feeling of peace that lasted the whole morning that I have felt very infrequently before or since, and has always been associated with spiritual experiences.

-Almost died twice when I was a young kid, felt like I was saved by external forces both times. One time in which I saw a flash of golden light and had extreme physical strength for a moment even though I was like 5 years old. Another time in which I had almost fallen down and an invisible force stopped me and gently pushed me back into a standing position. If I had fallen I would have cracked my head open on cement.

-Saw an orb in my bathroom once. Its geometry and form/matter was like nothing I've ever seen before or since. Didn't look like a solid, liquid or a gas. Its surface geometry was constantly shifting and a white light glowed from its core.

-Have had 2 or 3 out of body experiences that I remember. In one I had access to instant knowledge somehow, and I saw a cluster of outlines of floating shapes through a curtain covering a window that I understood to be a "neutral spirit." In another OBE I felt myself going through a portal that didn't really have a physical experience but it felt like it "went through my chest" or maybe more accurately "my being."

-I've heard voices before. One did not feel like a hallucination and sounded like a faint "hi" that came through my headphones, sounded electronic but there was no sound playing on my computer and it wasn't any kind of random electronic noise I've heard before. Others I thought were hallucinations as they happen when I'm sleep deprived but who knows. I've heard my name spoken to me very clearly in my right ear before by a voice that sounded like my mom (she is alive).

-Other family have seen orbs and one was caught in a picture taken of my family and I standing in front of where my grandma's ashes were buried.

-My mom lost something once and it turned up mysteriously near a picture of my grandma if I recall correctly. None of us had found it and it wasn't in that location before.

-Sometime around last Christmas I was feeling a very acute level of depression, anxiety and fear that I don't often feel. I prayed to God with one of the few legitimate prayers I had said in a long time asking him to comfort/save me. I ended up going out to the living room at around midnight in the pitch black, I grasped a limb of the Christmas tree and prayed. When I went back to my room I laid down on my back and I suddenly, from an external force, felt a feeling of peace. I "heard"/felt a voice in my mind telling me that everything was going to be okay. I have very rarely felt that level of peace, joy, security, safety and contentment before or since. As I kept laying there I felt more relaxed than I have in a long time, and I even started getting tingles and feeling like I was about to have an OBE. If I did I don't remember it, but when I woke up I felt refreshed and content even though I had gotten a short amount of sleep. Throughout that whole ordeal was also one of the few times in which I was not afraid of the dark.

-I've had several lucid dreams and more recently the weird [profanity] with being attacked and encountering negative entities in my dream that feel "alive" like they have their own awareness and like they're out of place in the dream, like they're not supposed to be there. I go into a lot more detail about that in one of the threads I linked. Throughout my life I have had a ton of spiritual and potentially paranormal experiences in/surrounding my dreams.
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  #6  
Old 25-05-2015, 11:39 AM
Tranquil_Tides
Posts: n/a
 
Basic topic summary: I have depression, social phobia and OCD. I am filled with rage, fear, and other negativity on a regular basis. I have begun to indulge in negativity constantly and I "enjoy" it in a sick way I don't understand. For example, I listen to explicit, graphically violent gangster rap constantly. Even worse, I look at real footage of war, terrorism, torture, horrible accidents, and other violence. I have had many paranormal and/or spiritual experiences in and revolving around dreams as well as directly when I'm awake. I've had a lot of weird things happen more recently. I feel that I am under assault from demons, negative spirits, or whatever it is out there that is negative. I fear that my emotions are being fed on and manipulated by evil spirits. Please give me advice about what I can do to drive them out and heal myself wholly.



Please help me.
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  #7  
Old 25-05-2015, 12:48 PM
knightofalbion knightofalbion is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 18,675
 
Thoughts are things, you become what you think. An unoccupied mind, listening and viewing all that stuff is just fuelling the 'darkness' within you.

Have you tried meditation or 'mindfulness'? It might help you find inner calm.

You need to listen to different types of music, and watch different material on the Internet, maybe even disconnect altogether!

Exercise! Burns off a lot of pent up energy and emotions.

Keep your mind occupied and focused. Keep busy. Read. Maybe take up painting or crafts, both require total concentration.

I don't believe you are under attack from demons! 'Inner demons' (they're not real) maybe, but not actual demons!

Persevere with the professional treatment and the medication though. They don't always get things right! (to be fair, these things are seldom black and white) but they are the ones best placed to help you.

And the CBT. It doesn't work for everyone, but it deserves a full try.

Have you tried EFT for the OCD?
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All this talk of religion, but it's how you live your life that is the all-important thing.
If you set out each day to do all the goodness and kindness that you can, and to do no harm to man or beast, then you are walking the highest path.
And when your time is up, if you can leave the earth a better place than you found it, then yours will have been a life well lived.

http://holy-lance.blogspot.com
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  #8  
Old 25-05-2015, 12:58 PM
Howla Dark Howla Dark is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 794
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Negative entities often always attacking people who are sick, depressed, ill, mentally unwell, traumatised, been involved in an accident, whatever cause someone to be vulnerable and frail. I didn't read all of the posts sorry but you need to clear out loads of negativity. I know this will sound cheesy but it helps those feeling scared and frightened. Take yourself away from things like violent music and horror. Watch something different, like a comedy. Take up new hobbies. Learn Tai Chi and yoga. You need to be at peace inside and turn yourself around, going from negative to positive.
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  #9  
Old 25-05-2015, 08:54 PM
notapsychic notapsychic is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 49
 
Tranquil Tides,
Many people have had a dark period at some stage of their lives, myself included. For around 15 years I was an atheist, far away from God.
Now, for the last year and so, I have had lost of things happening to me and people around me that reignited my faith in God.
Since I started praying, I have been less afraid and things have gone more smoothly than before praying.

Now, as my nickname says, I'm not a psychic , but by what you describe one or several negative entities could be within or around you due to the kind of material you have been exposed. You need professional help from both a christian or catholic counselor, and a psychologist to help you handle all the anger and problems you are having.

I don't want to sound cliché, and I'm not a fanatic or anything, but I would suggest you to ask God for forgiveness, and then ask God for protection.
I don't do a lot of complex praying, I only say "Jesus Christ, please protect me." . Repeat this whenever you feel afraid or when you need help.
As Jesus Christ to keep away any negative energies from you and your life, ask him to cleans your mind, body and soul so you can regain
control of your life.

Go to your nearest chuch or religious group and ask for help. If they denny their help move on and keep o looking for help.
Don't forget to go to a psychologist, they may also help you. You can do this by yourself, but with proper help it will be much faster.

Also, don't watch violent videos, negative music.
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  #10  
Old 25-05-2015, 09:23 PM
Tobi Tobi is offline
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You are only 18. Is there anyone -either a family member or not -whom you can confide in? Yes this all may be too much for them to understand, but even a little support -even if it seems at a distance could maybe help you feel some kind of anchor.
I can't remember from your posts -but did you mention your mother or father?

Would you accept my kindest thoughts -even though I don't know you? I would give you a hug if I could.

The thing with OCD is ritualised thought patterns and behaviour. These rituals may rule everything you think and do. Maybe the darkest thoughts have become a ritual in themselves, and there has become a vortex of obsessional thoughts all with a lot of force behind them? A part of the OCD and that's why you find it hard to change them, and even if you try, the effort doesn't last long....

You may need to speak to whoever is in charge of your medical welfare right now. Tell them the SSRIs in your opinion, aren't helping your issues -and why. You may need a completely different medication. Just because one medicine doesn't work doesn't mean another one -or another method of treatment -won't help.

In the meantime make as much effort as you can to concentrate yourself on other things -as far away from the darkness in your mind as you can imagine. You have an intelligent mind. I can see that from the way you write.
Don't expect instant results! Just keep on doing it!
For instance...when you feel the urge to listen to nasty gangsta rap, do something really radical, and listen to Beethoven instead! You will think "Why am I doing this? This isn't what I desire". Do it anyway. Tell your mind you are not playing that game any more and are being rebellious and radical for a change. You are listening to Beethoven! (or whoever)

When the idea of watching nasty or violent videos comes into your mind, change 'stations' and watch some romantic comedy instead....some goofy stuff....cartoons....anything different. Or even something more forceful ....you know, like training to be a fighter pilot or something....I don't know.

Just keep on trying to do things like that. It will feel weird. You might think it's a waste of time, but it isn't.
But also do confide in the person in charge of your medical care, and in an older person you know if that's possible.
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