Hi Sparkle78,
Sorry to read about Joe, that you are separated from him and you don´t know if he really died. It sure can be very hard to loose someone (in whatever possible way) you loved!
Sorry that you didn´t get any replies till now, but i must admit and be honest to say that i find it very hard in how to be of any help to you.
I absolutely feel and understand from your writing that you are having a hard time in life for some time already.
But i don´t know you at all and what you write about yourself...about having a mental illness, about hearing voices for instance...i cannot ´judge´ you and your exact situation. Of course, you wrote about your experiences and life but then still. It feels like you find yourself in a fragile phase in life.
I think it is good that you visited a psychologist. And if you have the feeling Reiki could work, you could always give it a try. Though on the other hand...they cost you money as well. I think, before trying Reiki or any other sort of help it´s important to think very carefully about what it is you want to achieve. The Reiki person or any other person who could be of help/service to you needs to be very honest with you. If you go to someone you should have a clear question, a vision of your wanted outcome and ask them if they can really help you with that. Because i don´t know if maybe you are easily misled or convinced by what people say or promiss you. Of course, i am aware of the fact that these last words might hurt you or maybe i´m judging you very wrong there...but that´s exactly why i find it hard to be of any help to you. I only mean good...
What you write about you not listening to doctors for mental illnesses, but you rather go to psychics and mediums...Of course this is your opinion. In my opinion is would be healthier to keep sort of a balance. A psychic or medium is not a doctor, and besides that: not every psychic is ´real´ or ´good´ at what they do.
And you say that you have a mental illness, so you do believe and feel in that. When you are already not 100% stable in thinking/feeling, i must admit i would find it a little tricky to only rely on what psychics and mediums tell you.
About being separated from your family...did the psychic tell this as a premonition that that would happen or did they tell you to do so?
I think what you write about maybe joining an art group and looking out to make new friends is a very good idea!
Do you already make art? And if yes...what do you make?